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Sugar in her coffee

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
0
@Bikerbeth, your mum sounds pretty settled in the home, and I'm glad that most visits are positive. The staff turn over and admin problems are a worry though. Have you wondered about looking at other homes or is it better the devil you know?
As for the hospital appointment. After the last time I was in hospital with mum I've decided that she shouldn't go there unless it is absolutely essential. The place was geared up to helping people with dementia, but even so it was all too much for mum. Is there anyway an occupational therapist or whoever you need could come in and see your mum in the home?
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
671
0
Anyway I need to see the letter because I think the referral is to do with Mum going ‘over’ in her shoes which she has done for a very long time. If that is why I not quite sure if the hospital visit will help. She does have sturdy shoes and boot slippers and both myself and the nurse agreed she does not have issues walking providing she has her stick. At the moment we have put back the appointment - I’m a bit worried if I have made the right decision now you have said getting an appointment is difficult @imthedaughter. I guess maybe the post code lottery strikes again.
The letter I think had got missed due to the absent of non permanent staff - so incompetence
Thinking now about the money - if they hadn’t come to me saying I owed them money I would never have doubled checked the numbers and realised that it was them that owed me. So frustrating @imthedaughter and generally causes stress when it is not needed.
I reckon you're right, they maybe want to measure her feet and will make shoes or boots which support her ankles and are made for her - quite different, in my view, from just sturdy shoes. I turn my ankles over all the time in all sorts of footwear as I'm hypermobile. I don't want shoes which 'hold' my ankles as I doubt that will make them stronger, but I imagine for mum they are thinking what they can do to remove hazards. Perhaps in your area it's easier, everything seems to be such a wait here and where dad is. And besides, if she's top of the list and you rescheduled it then it's probably fine anyway. Dad has been known to put on two left feet - the dangers of having more than one pair of shoes - but he can't wear slippers as none fit his feet. I wonder now if they could make a softer or lighter version of his boots for indoors?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
I must admit I think I would move Mum @Sarasa but brother (from afar) says that Mum should stay where she is as she choose the home. He forgets her needs have changed and the care home has changed. The most senior Carer who has been there for 6 months says that as soon as she has passed her driving test she will be leaving. She also said she would never recommend working at this care home to any of her ex colleagues as a place of employment. Perhaps not so professional of her to say but not helped that they had ‘requested’ that she come in and do one shift during her 2 week holiday amongst a few other things. She has told me about 2 care homes - one that she worked in for 10 yrs and will go back to once she can drive that is dementia and nursing. The other is a home that her grandfather was in and he had dementia. It is a chain but it is one of those care homes that has been build with the dementia area in a square so that the wandering dementia residents don’t keep ending up at a dead end of a corridor. Looking at the photos is certainly looks more homely and practical. I wish I had seen it before. I will have to work on brother. Perhaps if he realises that the activities coordinator who he thought was fantastic has left due to poor management he might listen.
I am sort of with you regarding the hospital visits due to the stress they are beginning to cause but I also don’t want Mum to miss out on something that would be beneficial to her.
Thank you for all your comments @imthedaughter. I have a better understanding as to what is is all about. Does yourDad still walk around a lot?
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
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I'm pleased my brother agreed with me about moving my mother, it makes things much easier. I think it would be a good idea to sound out those recommended homes and maybe have a look if you can. Then you'll have practical evidence to give your brother about why it would be better for your mum.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
I'm pleased my brother agreed with me about moving my mother, it makes things much easier. I think it would be a good idea to sound out those recommended homes and maybe have a look if you can. Then you'll have practical evidence to give your brother about why it would be better for your mum.
Thanks @Sarasa a good call
 

fmn42

New member
Jun 17, 2021
9
0
All my life, mum has largely avoided sweet things, never been one for desserts, cakes, ice cream. Treats have always been an unnecessary extravagance. Since developing Alzheimer's she has developed quite the sweet tooth and although she gets very anxious if she thinks I'm gonna give her too much dinner, she is way more open to the sweet stuff and often drops hints that she'd like some pudding after dinner. It is such a change in her personality but a good one, I feel
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
All my life, mum has largely avoided sweet things, never been one for desserts, cakes, ice cream. Treats have always been an unnecessary extravagance. Since developing Alzheimer's she has developed quite the sweet tooth and although she gets very anxious if she thinks I'm gonna give her too much dinner, she is way more open to the sweet stuff and often drops hints that she'd like some pudding after dinner. It is such a change in her personality but a good one, I feel
Welcome to Talking Point. I hope you find it a useful and supportive forum. Mum has recently started having honey on toast. Something she would never had had before.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
So Friday’s visit was a mixed bag. Mum was fast asleep when I arrived so I went and sat in the dining room and chatted to the Carers and some of the other residents. I was quite flattered when they said I should apply for a job there as they consider me one of the team (this was from one of the permanent Carers) I said unfortunately I was a good actor and could never be as good as any of them never mind my slipped discs.
Mum appeared after about 20 mins in a dress over a T-shirt. I was quite impressed that she had managed to do the dress up with the zip being at the back. We did have to pop back to her bedroom for a cardi. She certainly had not had a shower and I don’t think she had had a wash either. She was quite confused and kept asking me why we were here. I said I was visiting her as she was staying here whilst the Dr sorted her medication out. She got cross and then asked ‘why am I really here?’ I repeated what I said and offered her a coffee and some toast in the hope of distracting her. However she was obviously still thinking about it as she kept asking very similar questions. I wasn’t very good in my replies, fortunately brother rang to speak to her. She was a bit cross with him too and asked when she would see him. I don’t know what his reply was. However she ended the phone to call saying ‘when you can be bothered to come it would be nice to see you’
After that I was back in favour. We chatted and she also opened and managed to read most of a letter my cousin had sent her although I am not sure if the contents were understood or not.
We headed to the lounge and we looked through one of the clothing catalogues and chatted about what she liked and didn’t like. As it got to noon I said ‘you know what I am going to say next’ and shahid ‘your going to work’ and I said yes but I would see her later and I loved her lots. She seemed ok about it and gave me a cheery wave
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
617
0
"As it got to noon I said ‘you know what I am going to say next’ and shahid ‘your going to work’ and I said yes but I would see her later and I loved her lots. She seemed ok about it and gave me a cheery wave"

My exit strategy was saying I needed to go home to give G (the cat) his tea/dinner. He is a very fat cat!
As a cat lover herself she happily accepted this & like you I would say see you later....
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
671
0
Thank you for all your comments @imthedaughter. I have a better understanding as to what is is all about. Does yourDad still walk around a lot?
Not at the moment: he has has limited ability to walk far ever since he had the accident, but after his most recent episode he didn't leave his room, so that would be a no! He did mobilise last week though although I doubt he'll ever be a 'wanderer' simply due to his bad leg. But without the shoes he wouldn't be going anywhere!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,242
0
Southampton
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
hopefully if they stayed 10yrs at another home, they should stay there. maybe because they were different, your mum had a shower.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,242
0
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
It’s such a worry if you think care needs aren’t being met x
Mum was at home until she was taken into hospital 20/06 - the relief of 24/7 care at the beginning was over whelming - now mum needs more care than the Ward can give her …
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
0
I hope these new carers stay. The home sounds good in some ways, but the change over of staff and the fact they can't keep a manager seems a bit of a worry.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
It has been announced care home has new manager starting November. Have looked at her profile and it appears she has done a good job where she is.
Hopefully this @Sarasa will mean the Carers might stay. The previous manager who went back to one of the group’s other care homes was back this week to help out. Hosting the relatives meeting he said that there is a national problem (agreed) but he found it was easier to recruit at his other home in a different county. Hopefully I will see him tomorrow and ask him to clarify. I live in hope.
I am just glad the I have ECG status @DesperateofDevon so that I can go in and keep an eye on things.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,242
0
It has been announced care home has new manager starting November. Have looked at her profile and it appears she has done a good job where she is.
Hopefully this @Sarasa will mean the Carers might stay. The previous manager who went back to one of the group’s other care homes was back this week to help out. Hosting the relatives meeting he said that there is a national problem (agreed) but he found it was easier to recruit at his other home in a different county. Hopefully I will see him tomorrow and ask him to clarify. I live in hope.
I am just glad the I have ECG status @DesperateofDevon so that I can go in and keep an eye on things.
Hoping that the level of staffing soon improves. Having spoken to staff in several establishments & previously working in them , pay is always the issue . Staff need to feel valued & the basic wage for working in challenging environments just doesn’t cut it sadly .
Having got Mum into a weeks respite in a dementia care home near us a few years ago , it was like a hotel. The staff were highly qualified, experienced & local - asking about the working environment & why it was so different the staff said work conditions & the working environment were amazing, pay & holidays were also better than any where else . The staff all felt valued .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
Not a good visit. Started well as Mum was up and about and was on her 2nd coffee. We chatted in the dining room whilst she finished her drink. We then headed in to her room to find her stick and get her a cardi. She said she also wanted the toilet and with a bit of help she was able to mainly manage on her own.
When she came out the bathroom she started picking things up in her room and putting them down so I just let her potter for a bit. I then mentioned about going to the garden and she agreed and we headed up the corridor to the lift.
we got into the lift and started to go down when she just fainted. Fortunately she had her back against the wall and was sort of leaning against a small table in there so she did not fall. The Doors opened and I shouted help. One of the head office staff came (random head office people are currently appearing and sitting in the managers office) and said she would get a chair. Meanwhile a Carer on the top floor had pressed the button and up we went again as I could not hold Mum and hold doors open or press buttons. Carer gets in and I explain what happened as we head down again. Lift gets to the bottom, head office lady has put a chair by the lift door, another person had got a wheel chair which basically made it incredibly difficult to get Mum out of the lift. Mum had sort of come round but was very muddled. We managed to get her in the wheel chair and the other chair was moved. We tried to put the foot supports down and Mum’s feet on them but Mum was not happy about this and tried to ‘whack’ ’ the nurse with her stick. I heard the nurse say to someone that she had to go and she disappeared. Mum then decided to use the stick to stop the wheel chair being moved but at this point the wheel chair is partly in the lift and I am concerned that the doors are going to close again. Not sure how but I got the stick off her but we did. By this time the Carer and head office lady had disappeared and the admin lady suggested I took Mum into the garden and she would get the receptionist to bring us some tea.
I took Mum out into the sunshine and she started screaming and shouting. She basically seemed to have some clarity of her illness and was shouting that she just wanted to die, that she didn’t want to be like this, that she didn’t deserve it. I tried to hug her but got pushed away. I tried holding her hand and again she just took it away and then started crying saying it is not fair, I just want to go to heaven not this hell. At this point I just burst out crying as I felt so helpless. Gradually her crying subsided a little and she would let me give her a cuddle. I told her she was a good, kind person and just tried to reassure her. We sat out there for an hour and not one member of staff came out to check Mum (or me) was ok.
Mum said she wanted to go back in and she was determined to walk so I got her out of the wheel chair and very slowly we walked back in but she was not very stable. I thought at one point she was going to faint again. I took her back up and sat her in the lounge. I told the only Carer there (a new agency Carer) what had happened and asked could she please keep an eye on Mum as I thought she was still unsteady. Mum had dozed off in the chair so I left.
I have rang reception twice this afternoon and getting no answer left messages asking the nurse to ring me. I have rang the nurses station twice with no answer.
I am sure Mum has forgotten all about it and is fine now but I wish someone had bothered to ring me and confirm, it would have good if the nurse had confirmed that she had checked Mum over later and that all was ok. Mum had these episodes last year and they stopped as suddenly as they started.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,675
0
Oh dear how awful for both you and your mum. It's a worry that the staff in the home don't seem very clued up about helping in an emergency or letting you know how your mother is.
I'd send an official email to the acting manager outlining what happened. I'm sure they need to revise a policy or two.
I hope your mum is feeling better next time you see her.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,242
0
Southampton
thats awful, what would have happened if you werent there. there needs to be more emergency procedures and at least help. its not fair to rely on you knowing what to do and yes it would have been considerate for you to be given a followup phone call
 

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