Sugar in her coffee

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,145
0
Nottinghamshire
I'm pleased my brother agreed with me about moving my mother, it makes things much easier. I think it would be a good idea to sound out those recommended homes and maybe have a look if you can. Then you'll have practical evidence to give your brother about why it would be better for your mum.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
I'm pleased my brother agreed with me about moving my mother, it makes things much easier. I think it would be a good idea to sound out those recommended homes and maybe have a look if you can. Then you'll have practical evidence to give your brother about why it would be better for your mum.
Thanks @Sarasa a good call
 

fmn42

New member
Jun 17, 2021
9
0
All my life, mum has largely avoided sweet things, never been one for desserts, cakes, ice cream. Treats have always been an unnecessary extravagance. Since developing Alzheimer's she has developed quite the sweet tooth and although she gets very anxious if she thinks I'm gonna give her too much dinner, she is way more open to the sweet stuff and often drops hints that she'd like some pudding after dinner. It is such a change in her personality but a good one, I feel
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
All my life, mum has largely avoided sweet things, never been one for desserts, cakes, ice cream. Treats have always been an unnecessary extravagance. Since developing Alzheimer's she has developed quite the sweet tooth and although she gets very anxious if she thinks I'm gonna give her too much dinner, she is way more open to the sweet stuff and often drops hints that she'd like some pudding after dinner. It is such a change in her personality but a good one, I feel
Welcome to Talking Point. I hope you find it a useful and supportive forum. Mum has recently started having honey on toast. Something she would never had had before.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
So Friday’s visit was a mixed bag. Mum was fast asleep when I arrived so I went and sat in the dining room and chatted to the Carers and some of the other residents. I was quite flattered when they said I should apply for a job there as they consider me one of the team (this was from one of the permanent Carers) I said unfortunately I was a good actor and could never be as good as any of them never mind my slipped discs.
Mum appeared after about 20 mins in a dress over a T-shirt. I was quite impressed that she had managed to do the dress up with the zip being at the back. We did have to pop back to her bedroom for a cardi. She certainly had not had a shower and I don’t think she had had a wash either. She was quite confused and kept asking me why we were here. I said I was visiting her as she was staying here whilst the Dr sorted her medication out. She got cross and then asked ‘why am I really here?’ I repeated what I said and offered her a coffee and some toast in the hope of distracting her. However she was obviously still thinking about it as she kept asking very similar questions. I wasn’t very good in my replies, fortunately brother rang to speak to her. She was a bit cross with him too and asked when she would see him. I don’t know what his reply was. However she ended the phone to call saying ‘when you can be bothered to come it would be nice to see you’
After that I was back in favour. We chatted and she also opened and managed to read most of a letter my cousin had sent her although I am not sure if the contents were understood or not.
We headed to the lounge and we looked through one of the clothing catalogues and chatted about what she liked and didn’t like. As it got to noon I said ‘you know what I am going to say next’ and shahid ‘your going to work’ and I said yes but I would see her later and I loved her lots. She seemed ok about it and gave me a cheery wave
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,314
0
"As it got to noon I said ‘you know what I am going to say next’ and shahid ‘your going to work’ and I said yes but I would see her later and I loved her lots. She seemed ok about it and gave me a cheery wave"

My exit strategy was saying I needed to go home to give G (the cat) his tea/dinner. He is a very fat cat!
As a cat lover herself she happily accepted this & like you I would say see you later....
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
944
0
Thank you for all your comments @imthedaughter. I have a better understanding as to what is is all about. Does yourDad still walk around a lot?
Not at the moment: he has has limited ability to walk far ever since he had the accident, but after his most recent episode he didn't leave his room, so that would be a no! He did mobilise last week though although I doubt he'll ever be a 'wanderer' simply due to his bad leg. But without the shoes he wouldn't be going anywhere!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
22,983
0
Southampton
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
hopefully if they stayed 10yrs at another home, they should stay there. maybe because they were different, your mum had a shower.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
3 agency Carers again when I arrived today. 2 I had seen before and a new one however as he had been able to get Mum showered and hair washed I am not complaining. Mum then spent the asking me who he was and looking a bit puzzled. I said he was one of the nurses but you could see her trying to process the information but it was not making sense to her, hence the repeated question. Later another Carer came up with the nurse and was introduced as a new senior Carer. Please please may she be a lovely good Carer and stay. (I was told 3 Carers are coming from another care home where there has been a change of management - could be good or bad but apparently the 3 have worked at the same home for about 10 yrs)
Mum had her breakfast of toast and marmalade and then announced she was eating too much sugar. I suggested perhaps she had some cereal instead (as it is what she used to have). She said she would think about it. Although there is always cereal the Carers tend to ask residents if they want toast. I will see if she wants cereals on Wednesday.
As Mum had her shoes on I said ‘that’s good let’s go for a walk in the garden and she agreed. We haven’t managed it for a couple of weeks due to the rain. We got half way round the garden and she was quite breathless which surprised me. We went back up to her room and I swapped shoes for slippers and sorted out her whiskers then we headed back to the residents lounge where fortunately she was fine with me going off to work.
It’s such a worry if you think care needs aren’t being met x
Mum was at home until she was taken into hospital 20/06 - the relief of 24/7 care at the beginning was over whelming - now mum needs more care than the Ward can give her …
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,145
0
Nottinghamshire
I hope these new carers stay. The home sounds good in some ways, but the change over of staff and the fact they can't keep a manager seems a bit of a worry.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
It has been announced care home has new manager starting November. Have looked at her profile and it appears she has done a good job where she is.
Hopefully this @Sarasa will mean the Carers might stay. The previous manager who went back to one of the group’s other care homes was back this week to help out. Hosting the relatives meeting he said that there is a national problem (agreed) but he found it was easier to recruit at his other home in a different county. Hopefully I will see him tomorrow and ask him to clarify. I live in hope.
I am just glad the I have ECG status @DesperateofDevon so that I can go in and keep an eye on things.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,274
0
It has been announced care home has new manager starting November. Have looked at her profile and it appears she has done a good job where she is.
Hopefully this @Sarasa will mean the Carers might stay. The previous manager who went back to one of the group’s other care homes was back this week to help out. Hosting the relatives meeting he said that there is a national problem (agreed) but he found it was easier to recruit at his other home in a different county. Hopefully I will see him tomorrow and ask him to clarify. I live in hope.
I am just glad the I have ECG status @DesperateofDevon so that I can go in and keep an eye on things.
Hoping that the level of staffing soon improves. Having spoken to staff in several establishments & previously working in them , pay is always the issue . Staff need to feel valued & the basic wage for working in challenging environments just doesn’t cut it sadly .
Having got Mum into a weeks respite in a dementia care home near us a few years ago , it was like a hotel. The staff were highly qualified, experienced & local - asking about the working environment & why it was so different the staff said work conditions & the working environment were amazing, pay & holidays were also better than any where else . The staff all felt valued .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Not a good visit. Started well as Mum was up and about and was on her 2nd coffee. We chatted in the dining room whilst she finished her drink. We then headed in to her room to find her stick and get her a cardi. She said she also wanted the toilet and with a bit of help she was able to mainly manage on her own.
When she came out the bathroom she started picking things up in her room and putting them down so I just let her potter for a bit. I then mentioned about going to the garden and she agreed and we headed up the corridor to the lift.
we got into the lift and started to go down when she just fainted. Fortunately she had her back against the wall and was sort of leaning against a small table in there so she did not fall. The Doors opened and I shouted help. One of the head office staff came (random head office people are currently appearing and sitting in the managers office) and said she would get a chair. Meanwhile a Carer on the top floor had pressed the button and up we went again as I could not hold Mum and hold doors open or press buttons. Carer gets in and I explain what happened as we head down again. Lift gets to the bottom, head office lady has put a chair by the lift door, another person had got a wheel chair which basically made it incredibly difficult to get Mum out of the lift. Mum had sort of come round but was very muddled. We managed to get her in the wheel chair and the other chair was moved. We tried to put the foot supports down and Mum’s feet on them but Mum was not happy about this and tried to ‘whack’ ’ the nurse with her stick. I heard the nurse say to someone that she had to go and she disappeared. Mum then decided to use the stick to stop the wheel chair being moved but at this point the wheel chair is partly in the lift and I am concerned that the doors are going to close again. Not sure how but I got the stick off her but we did. By this time the Carer and head office lady had disappeared and the admin lady suggested I took Mum into the garden and she would get the receptionist to bring us some tea.
I took Mum out into the sunshine and she started screaming and shouting. She basically seemed to have some clarity of her illness and was shouting that she just wanted to die, that she didn’t want to be like this, that she didn’t deserve it. I tried to hug her but got pushed away. I tried holding her hand and again she just took it away and then started crying saying it is not fair, I just want to go to heaven not this hell. At this point I just burst out crying as I felt so helpless. Gradually her crying subsided a little and she would let me give her a cuddle. I told her she was a good, kind person and just tried to reassure her. We sat out there for an hour and not one member of staff came out to check Mum (or me) was ok.
Mum said she wanted to go back in and she was determined to walk so I got her out of the wheel chair and very slowly we walked back in but she was not very stable. I thought at one point she was going to faint again. I took her back up and sat her in the lounge. I told the only Carer there (a new agency Carer) what had happened and asked could she please keep an eye on Mum as I thought she was still unsteady. Mum had dozed off in the chair so I left.
I have rang reception twice this afternoon and getting no answer left messages asking the nurse to ring me. I have rang the nurses station twice with no answer.
I am sure Mum has forgotten all about it and is fine now but I wish someone had bothered to ring me and confirm, it would have good if the nurse had confirmed that she had checked Mum over later and that all was ok. Mum had these episodes last year and they stopped as suddenly as they started.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,145
0
Nottinghamshire
Oh dear how awful for both you and your mum. It's a worry that the staff in the home don't seem very clued up about helping in an emergency or letting you know how your mother is.
I'd send an official email to the acting manager outlining what happened. I'm sure they need to revise a policy or two.
I hope your mum is feeling better next time you see her.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
22,983
0
Southampton
thats awful, what would have happened if you werent there. there needs to be more emergency procedures and at least help. its not fair to rely on you knowing what to do and yes it would have been considerate for you to be given a followup phone call
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,119
0
Bedford
Well typical isn’t it sometimes. I spent all afternoon worrying, meanwhile Mum had been making chocolate crisp rice cakes on a one to one.
unfortunately the interim manager has ended his contract early as he is ill @Sarasa. !!!!!! However the customer relations manager emailed yesterday asking relatives to leave a review on carehome.co.uk. I told her exactly why I would not - emphasising that there is no management/leadership and that issues like yesterday were a consequence. I asked her to liaise with the appropriate people as I would like a reply.
yes I agree with you too @jennifer1967 - I am concerned that an incident is waiting to happen due to the lack of procedural knowledge by the agency staff with no full time staff to support them on some occasions.
No the Dr has not been out as far as I am aware @DesperateofDevon

I did go in today. I just wanted to see if Mum was ok. No sign of any managers or nurse and to be honest I didn’t want to ‘eat’ into my time with Mum and there was no suitable person around when I had to leave.
The ‘jack of all trades’ lady showed me the photos she had taken of Mum making the cakes and told me that Mum had been really engaged although no smiles in the photos. I went up to the 2nd floor and Mum was walking up the corridor towards the entrance doors (which is by the lounge). When she saw me she just gave me a hug and cried. So I hugged her back and let her cry. I couldn’t understand what was wrong though. We headed into the lounge and looked through a magazine and she settled again and was quite chatty about the pictures in the magazine.
I suggested we should go for a walk in the garden as it was sunny and Mum agreed so of I went to her room to get her coat and stick. She was adamant I was putting her coat on her hair wrong, promptly took her arm out of the one sleeve I had put it in, and then put it on like a smock. Fortunately one of the Carers managed to put it on her correctly with more efficiency than me.
We headed into the lift and she nearly fainted again but not quite. She was however quite unsteady on her feet. We managed to get into the garden patio area and Mum sat down on one of the comfy seats outside. Jack of all trade lady saw this and brought some tea out. I was glad she had witnessed it. Mum was crying again saying she wanted to see her Mum and Dad and why didn’t they visit her and then saying she should have been on the coach for the church outing. I said her trip was tomorrow so she hadn’t missed it. Once she calmed a little I tried a bit of distraction.
the activities lady who has left, had left some plants in pots out in the garden which are dying as they need planting out properly. As Mum was a keen gardener I thought it was worth a go so I suggested we sorted them into the ones that might survive if we gave them a good water. She half engaged with me but got angry if I went out of sight behind her even for a moment. I used my water bottle and got Mum to help me water some of them. Jack of all trades lady said she will help Mum to water them next week when I am away so we can plant them in the garden when I get back.
We went back upstairs and into the lounge and one of the bank Carers successfully distracted Mum as I left.
Yep I know I have to follow up on all of this but today was not the day.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
22,983
0
Southampton
sometimes its better to spend time with your mum than getting a response that you were unlikely to get. i wonder if its her blood pressure dropping very low when she gets up. maybe your mums not feeling well which is leading to crying and missing her mum and dad.im just thinking thats all