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Sugar in her coffee

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
So visits this week have been a little different. Mon and Thur apparently she had got up and had her breakfast and then gone back to bed. Thur apparently she had been up wandering from about 4am so that did explain why she was tired. Whilst I was there she did not sleep but ‘behaved’ like an invalid. Monday she did eventually get up but Thur she refused. I don’t mean it unkindly but it seemed a bit like an act. Thur did work quite well as I took in a random glossy magazine with landscapes and gardens in and she enjoyed looking through it and ‘chatted’ about it.
Thur afternoon she had another fall. The staff said she went to sit down but ‘missed’ the chair. As she hit her head and Mum is on anticoagulants an ambulance was called and with some reluctance she headed to hospital where I met her at A&E. It took about 3 hours to get the CT scan done and the Registrar to confirm that there was no bleeding on the brain. Good news obviously. Apart from a couple of times when she said ‘ she was fed up so she was going home’ she was generally calm and happy to chat. Pleased that there were no issues.
Another positive - care home policy had changed that day - no quarantine after GP, dental, opticians and hospital appointments (including short A&E visits) so Mum could go back to her room.
Friday morning I went back and she was in bed again and had had her breakfast in bed. She was tired and her eyes kept shutting - the nurse was keeping an eye on her but we both thought it was due to the ‘excitement’ of Thur afternoon. Unfortunately they had some people in doing a deep clean of the carpets so Mum did not get the opportunity to sleep due to the noise. I was surprised that the activity coordinator had not organised an activity out of the ‘wing’ whilst it was being done as the noise gave me a headache so I felt really sorry for the residents. With all this unsurprisingly Mum was quite grumpy.
nurse did say the physio was coming in to see Mum (and hopefully this is added incentive to find her walking stick which I emailed the manager about finding again this week). On her advise we have taken a pair of shoes away from Mum that she is unsafe to walk in now. She has also advised some ‘bootie’ Velcro fastening slippers. I think Mum will throw them at me in disgust but i have ordered some along with another pair of ordinary Velcro fastening slippers similar to what she already has. For some reason she keeps removing the insoles from them and we can’t work out why. This time we will try some superglue or similar to hold them in.
not such a great week for your mum. any noise disturbs them so i would wonder why they were not taken elsewhere. maybe its just because your mum can remove the insoles that shes taking them out. good she didnt to quarantine again, your mum has been put through enough quarantine wise
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
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A bit of a mixed week @Bikerbeth, but glad there was no quarantining after the A&E visit.
When I saw mum on Thursday she was wearing someone else's shoes. Very sensible 'old lady' shoes with sturdy Velcro fastenings. I probably should have flagged up they weren't mum's but as they were a lot more trip proof than the flimsy sandals she often wears I let it be. It does show how far mum has declined, as they are exactly the sort of things mum would have refused to wear a couple of years ago. For most of her seventies and eighties her main complaint about getting older was that she couldn't wear high heels anymore.
My husband went to see his mum for a couple of days this week and she spent a lot of the time in bed, I think it's a natural progression of this vile disease.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
You could be right @jennifer1967, probably as part of her tidying up.
I think I would have done the same as you @Sarasa with regard to the slippers - could you get her the same ones as she has taken a fancy to them.

Monday Mum actually wanted some help tidying her ‘stuff’ so I seized the opportunity and went through most of her clothes - brought some home for mending (mainly missing buttons off cardis). Removed the trousers that don’t fit and a swimming costume (pre COVID and at an earlier stage they did take residents to the local swimming pool) which she won’t use now. I tried once again to see if the slippers my brother brought her were too small or she just didn’t want to wear them. They were tight so I brought them home only to find out later there were pop socks stuffed into the toes which I had not seen.
The physio came in whilst I was there to assess Mum and see if she could ‘help’ prevent Mum’s falls. Unfortunately Mum did not take to her and because the physio talked quite quickly I think Mum got stressed and then angry as she could not follow what she was saying. So when the physio asked Mum is she could see her walk Mum literally jumped out of her chair and raced round the bed to her door. How she did not fall who knows. Physio concluded that she could not do a lot for Mum except that I and the Carers should get her to walk slower as Mum told her that was how she normally walked. I saw the physio later and said Mum only walked that quick because she was in a ‘strop’ to which I was told she didn’t think my Mum was in a ‘strop’ . The Carer who was in the room at the time as well said to me later she knew my Mum was getting angry because of the way her eyes start to glare. Carer said she knows when Mum starts to glare like that it is time to give her some space.
mum did tell me later that she was frustrated as she did not understand all that was being said and nobody was giving her time (including me) and she felt we were taken her control away. She did not quite put it like that but that was the gist and she was quite correct.
tomorrow I will just try and make it a chatty visit.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
You could be right @jennifer1967, probably as part of her tidying up.
I think I would have done the same as you @Sarasa with regard to the slippers - could you get her the same ones as she has taken a fancy to them.

Monday Mum actually wanted some help tidying her ‘stuff’ so I seized the opportunity and went through most of her clothes - brought some home for mending (mainly missing buttons off cardis). Removed the trousers that don’t fit and a swimming costume (pre COVID and at an earlier stage they did take residents to the local swimming pool) which she won’t use now. I tried once again to see if the slippers my brother brought her were too small or she just didn’t want to wear them. They were tight so I brought them home only to find out later there were pop socks stuffed into the toes which I had not seen.
The physio came in whilst I was there to assess Mum and see if she could ‘help’ prevent Mum’s falls. Unfortunately Mum did not take to her and because the physio talked quite quickly I think Mum got stressed and then angry as she could not follow what she was saying. So when the physio asked Mum is she could see her walk Mum literally jumped out of her chair and raced round the bed to her door. How she did not fall who knows. Physio concluded that she could not do a lot for Mum except that I and the Carers should get her to walk slower as Mum told her that was how she normally walked. I saw the physio later and said Mum only walked that quick because she was in a ‘strop’ to which I was told she didn’t think my Mum was in a ‘strop’ . The Carer who was in the room at the time as well said to me later she knew my Mum was getting angry because of the way her eyes start to glare. Carer said she knows when Mum starts to glare like that it is time to give her some space.
mum did tell me later that she was frustrated as she did not understand all that was being said and nobody was giving her time (including me) and she felt we were taken her control away. She did not quite put it like that but that was the gist and she was quite correct.
tomorrow I will just try and make it a chatty visit.
im sorry, you made me laugh. the physio talked too fast and complicated instructions when she was sorting out my husbands vertigo, he looked at me bewildered. i had to ask her to slow down and simplify. they dont understand strop. they need a lesson in dementia.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
Nice calm visit today which is what was needed after Monday. We were sitting in the lounge area but one of the other residents kept coming and standing by us. Mum had told her to go away once but she kept coming back. She does wander constantly anyway. So I took Mum back to her room. I had taken in another magazine to help ‘spark’ a conversation but it was not really needed. Mum seemed happy to chat on and actually began to make more sense in the last half hour when we were talking about my garden and the flowers I had planted. When I said I could not remember whether Lobelia was an annual or perennial she told me straight away it was an annual. I said I needed her to get better soon (she is still often aware that her memory is not good and that the words coming out of her mouth are not the ones she intends or means) so that she could come and help me in the garden. That made her smile. What more could I want.
I felt sorry for the lovely amazing Carer that was on. They were obviously short staffed and his help was a new agency girl, so he was trying to teach her the systems and each resident needs as well as try and care. He said he missed working in the quarantine area as in that area he got to spend more one to one time with them.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
Nice calm visit today which is what was needed after Monday. We were sitting in the lounge area but one of the other residents kept coming and standing by us. Mum had told her to go away once but she kept coming back. She does wander constantly anyway. So I took Mum back to her room. I had taken in another magazine to help ‘spark’ a conversation but it was not really needed. Mum seemed happy to chat on and actually began to make more sense in the last half hour when we were talking about my garden and the flowers I had planted. When I said I could not remember whether Lobelia was an annual or perennial she told me straight away it was an annual. I said I needed her to get better soon (she is still often aware that her memory is not good and that the words coming out of her mouth are not the ones she intends or means) so that she could come and help me in the garden. That made her smile. What more could I want.
I felt sorry for the lovely amazing Carer that was on. They were obviously short staffed and his help was a new agency girl, so he was trying to teach her the systems and each resident needs as well as try and care. He said he missed working in the quarantine area as in that area he got to spend more one to one time with them.
that was a good visit and you had a hit with the subject you were talking about. it is hard to care and instruct. ive done it and its not easy.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,725
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Glad you found things to chat to your mum about and that it was a relaxed visit. So glad the home is letting you visit so often and that the visits are going well.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Sarasa.
Well today I got 2 phones call from the Home both relating to the above lady. First phone call was an apology for not letting me know sooner but basically ‘wandering lady’ had stuck out at Mum. Second phone call was that Mum had kicked ‘wandering lady’ today. Apparently if both are in a good mood they are fine but if either is in a bad mood they will go for each other. Now I know Mum is no saint but ‘wandering lady’ really does get within a foot of you (as she does it to me too and I don’t like her being in my personal space) so I can understand why Mum gets annoyed. It was not a good phone line but I would like to speak to home more about it. Ok Mum should not hit or kick her but it sometimes feels like that Mum get the ‘blame’ all the time even if she does not initiate it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
Thank you @jennifer1967 and @Sarasa.
Well today I got 2 phones call from the Home both relating to the above lady. First phone call was an apology for not letting me know sooner but basically ‘wandering lady’ had stuck out at Mum. Second phone call was that Mum had kicked ‘wandering lady’ today. Apparently if both are in a good mood they are fine but if either is in a bad mood they will go for each other. Now I know Mum is no saint but ‘wandering lady’ really does get within a foot of you (as she does it to me too and I don’t like her being in my personal space) so I can understand why Mum gets annoyed. It was not a good phone line but I would like to speak to home more about it. Ok Mum should not hit or kick her but it sometimes feels like that Mum get the ‘blame’ all the time even if she does not initiate it.
they really need to be consistent. if someone was in my space, id move back but your mum wouldnt think of that thats why the care staff need to be aware and alert. to be prepared to do the thinking for the residents as be more proactive in stopping it before it happens. they should know what are the triggers are and do something before it happens rather than reacting afterwards when its too late. they should raise a safeguarding.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
You are right @jennifer1967 and the situation is not helped as they are still short of permanent staff. Talking to the Manager they are getting very few applicants from ‘caring’ Carers just ones looking for money. Mum’s home pays a bit above average (which is abysmal) so I hate to think what is happening generally.
the good news was - on Monday’s visit the walking stick has reappeared. Mum was finishing her breakfast when I arrived so after the others had left we stayed in there talking as it is a pleasant room. It did get a bit tricky when she announced ‘we had better getting moving then if we are going to get home’. Fortunately going back into her room made her ‘forget’ that we were going home. She was tired and yawning again but said she had enjoyed our chat. Staff said she is still getting up really early and ‘reorganising her room’
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
You are right @jennifer1967 and the situation is not helped as they are still short of permanent staff. Talking to the Manager they are getting very few applicants from ‘caring’ Carers just ones looking for money. Mum’s home pays a bit above average (which is abysmal) so I hate to think what is happening generally.
the good news was - on Monday’s visit the walking stick has reappeared. Mum was finishing her breakfast when I arrived so after the others had left we stayed in there talking as it is a pleasant room. It did get a bit tricky when she announced ‘we had better getting moving then if we are going to get home’. Fortunately going back into her room made her ‘forget’ that we were going home. She was tired and yawning again but said she had enjoyed our chat. Staff said she is still getting up really early and ‘reorganising her room’
thats good. problem was that when i was a carer, we were on minimum waqe even when i was on nights it was the same. when i did sleeps, we stayed there 12 hours but only paid 6 hrs even if i was woken up. it caused a partial knee replacement and the back problem ive ended up with which are common place. my S-i-L worked for 30 yrs as carer and her back and joints are bad. i miss the residents and not pitying but there is a price paid for being a carer in a care home.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
thats good. problem was that when i was a carer, we were on minimum waqe even when i was on nights it was the same. when i did sleeps, we stayed there 12 hours but only paid 6 hrs even if i was woken up. it caused a partial knee replacement and the back problem ive ended up with which are common place. my S-i-L worked for 30 yrs as carer and her back and joints are bad. i miss the residents and not pitying but there is a price paid for being a carer in a care home.
I know it is common and you are not looking for pity but i am so sorry that your caring nature has resulted in the health issues you now suffer from. They do seem to have lots of hoists and gadgets in Mum’s home so I hope these do help the staff there.
We showed Mum her new wine coloured boot slippers today. The good news is that she did not throw them at us. The colour was a success and apparently they felt comfortable but after ‘trying’ them on she put her old favourites on :)
We will see how it goes. Worst case scenario we will keep and use at a later date.
visit was generally ok today but she did mention she gets upset that her Mum and Dad never visit or her grandma - who Mum reckoned must be about 150 :rolleyes: (which would be pretty accurate if she was alive) It taking it personally but it was sad once again as she said Beth (me) had not visited for ages. She did like the wine gums though.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
So Friday’s visit started sad but ended up happier which is all you can ask. When I arrived she was walking away from the floor entrance door and her room down the corridor with her coat and shoes on. She didn’t hear me at first when I said ‘hello Mum’ but when I caught up with her she was crying. It didn’t quite make sense but she said words to the effect that she was being kicked out and had been sent on her way without any breakfast. I managed to head her back to her room as I said we needed to put her flowers in a vase. We saw a Carer on the way back and I asked if Mum could have some coffee and toast for her breakfast as she said ‘she hadn’t had any’ (I managed to the say quietly to the Carer I thought she had but whether she had or not did not matter as in Mum’s head she hasn’t’) mum had a little cry about how nobody liked her and nobody talked to her but then happily munched on her toast. I arranged the flowers in the vase as per Mum’s directions.
As it was the first proper sunny day since I have been able to see her out of quarantine and as an ECG I suggested we go for a walk in the garden. Mum agreed and off we headed. We talked about the flowers in the garden and wandered back to some chairs just outside the ‘cafe’ area. The lovely receptionist did us some coffee and cake and we sat outside ‘having a conversation’ even if not much made sense. As it was getting close to my time being up and Mum saying she was getting a little cold I took the opportunity to take her back in to her floor. Her walking has deteriorated so much but hopefully I can get her moving again and fortunately she was happy using her stick. When we got back to her room I asked her if she wanted to ‘pop’ her slippers back on and she pointed to her new ‘boot’ ones even though she had not been wearing them earlier. I told her I had to go to work and would she like to go to the lounge. She was very unsure and nervous of going up there on her own. Fortunately one of her favourite Carers was up there and made a big fuss of her. So she seemed ok when I left her. :)
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
So Friday’s visit started sad but ended up happier which is all you can ask. When I arrived she was walking away from the floor entrance door and her room down the corridor with her coat and shoes on. She didn’t hear me at first when I said ‘hello Mum’ but when I caught up with her she was crying. It didn’t quite make sense but she said words to the effect that she was being kicked out and had been sent on her way without any breakfast. I managed to head her back to her room as I said we needed to put her flowers in a vase. We saw a Carer on the way back and I asked if Mum could have some coffee and toast for her breakfast as she said ‘she hadn’t had any’ (I managed to the say quietly to the Carer I thought she had but whether she had or not did not matter as in Mum’s head she hasn’t’) mum had a little cry about how nobody liked her and nobody talked to her but then happily munched on her toast. I arranged the flowers in the vase as per Mum’s directions.
As it was the first proper sunny day since I have been able to see her out of quarantine and as an ECG I suggested we go for a walk in the garden. Mum agreed and off we headed. We talked about the flowers in the garden and wandered back to some chairs just outside the ‘cafe’ area. The lovely receptionist did us some coffee and cake and we sat outside ‘having a conversation’ even if not much made sense. As it was getting close to my time being up and Mum saying she was getting a little cold I took the opportunity to take her back in to her floor. Her walking has deteriorated so much but hopefully I can get her moving again and fortunately she was happy using her stick. When we got back to her room I asked her if she wanted to ‘pop’ her slippers back on and she pointed to her new ‘boot’ ones even though she had not been wearing them earlier. I told her I had to go to work and would she like to go to the lounge. She was very unsure and nervous of going up there on her own. Fortunately one of her favourite Carers was up there and made a big fuss of her. So she seemed ok when I left her. :)
im glad you were able to make her happy again. you have so much understanding and im learning from you
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
I think where I am really struggling @jennifer1967 is nearly every visit now Mum asks me why her Mum and Dad don’t visit her. I find that sadder than her not knowing who I am because I understand whereas Mum does not.
At the moment if I said they were coming next week she would remember that (I did try it) so currently I say her Mum is poorly and her Dad is looking after her so she is stuck with me. Then of course she says ‘but they don’t even ring me’ :(
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
810
0
I hope your mum is being "left alone" by the wandering resident. It must be difficult trying to pre-empt a situation. Your visits seem to mostly be going ok, sad tho that your mum keeps asking why her parents don't visit.
Hopefully you can enjoy time outside in this lovely weather, and there will be flowers to see to distract your mum.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,093
0
Bedford
Thanks @anxious annie i hope Mum and wandering residents are settling down again too and/or staff are keeping them apart.
It was my birthday today and I wanted to go and see Mum even though she won’t know. I arrived to find her in the breakfast room with a coat on her lap. She told me she was waiting for a lift back to K..... where she used to live and it was all arranged. So I said that was a shame as I had come to visit and was she sure as it was a bank holiday. She said she would need to check but didn’t know who to check with. So I said let me ask the nurse which I did in front of Mum and fortunately she picked up quickly and agreed Mum was not leaving today as there was no transport as it was a holiday.
as Mum was fiddling with her nails I suggested that we went back to her room and find a nail file and get her nails done and she liked that idea. Once they were trimmed and filed I suggested a walk in the garden as it was a lovely sunny day. So I got her shoes and removed her red boot slippers just casually mentioning that they looked comfy. She said they were. I am still keeping my fingers crossed whilst hiding her old one at the back of the wardrobe for a few more days.
the walk in the garden followed by tea and biscuits followed the same pattern as Friday and before I knew it the 2 hours were up.
we headed back up to her floor and I thought I would try a different tactic by asking Mum if she wanted to sit in the lounge and she agreed. I then said to let me have her shoes and I would pop down to her room and get her slippers. I thought it might be better if she was in the lounge with the other ladies. I put her boot slippers on and said that I was off to work. At this point she got upset as she told me she thought I was staying for lunch before taking her to C....where she lived as a child. She told me she didn’t like it here and wanted to leave. I said I am sorry but we can’t go today as I have to go to work to pay the bills. She did get a little huffy but i stayed a few more minutes and reassured her that I loved her lots and I would be back in 2 days. I suggested she could read her ‘magazine’ and maybe one of the staff could help her with the puzzles (which she never does) but she likes looking at the pictures and will chat about them. One of the Carers who had seen that she was starting to get upset came over and sat by her looking at the magazine which was good. I did at least get a little wave from Mum as I left.
I have ‘applied’ to the manager to take Mum out for a drive on Friday and a sit in the park with a flask of coffee. Hopefully a change of scenery might be good for her but we will play it by ear.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
Thanks @anxious annie i hope Mum and wandering residents are settling down again too and/or staff are keeping them apart.
It was my birthday today and I wanted to go and see Mum even though she won’t know. I arrived to find her in the breakfast room with a coat on her lap. She told me she was waiting for a lift back to K..... where she used to live and it was all arranged. So I said that was a shame as I had come to visit and was she sure as it was a bank holiday. She said she would need to check but didn’t know who to check with. So I said let me ask the nurse which I did in front of Mum and fortunately she picked up quickly and agreed Mum was not leaving today as there was no transport as it was a holiday.
as Mum was fiddling with her nails I suggested that we went back to her room and find a nail file and get her nails done and she liked that idea. Once they were trimmed and filed I suggested a walk in the garden as it was a lovely sunny day. So I got her shoes and removed her red boot slippers just casually mentioning that they looked comfy. She said they were. I am still keeping my fingers crossed whilst hiding her old one at the back of the wardrobe for a few more days.
the walk in the garden followed by tea and biscuits followed the same pattern as Friday and before I knew it the 2 hours were up.
we headed back up to her floor and I thought I would try a different tactic by asking Mum if she wanted to sit in the lounge and she agreed. I then said to let me have her shoes and I would pop down to her room and get her slippers. I thought it might be better if she was in the lounge with the other ladies. I put her boot slippers on and said that I was off to work. At this point she got upset as she told me she thought I was staying for lunch before taking her to C....where she lived as a child. She told me she didn’t like it here and wanted to leave. I said I am sorry but we can’t go today as I have to go to work to pay the bills. She did get a little huffy but i stayed a few more minutes and reassured her that I loved her lots and I would be back in 2 days. I suggested she could read her ‘magazine’ and maybe one of the staff could help her with the puzzles (which she never does) but she likes looking at the pictures and will chat about them. One of the Carers who had seen that she was starting to get upset came over and sat by her looking at the magazine which was good. I did at least get a little wave from Mum as I left.
I have ‘applied’ to the manager to take Mum out for a drive on Friday and a sit in the park with a flask of coffee. Hopefully a change of scenery might be good for her but we will play it by ear.
happy birthday @Bikerbeth
 

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