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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
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Bedford
I think lock down has speeded up the decline for the majority of our loved ones because I think it has impacted all of us in so many ways whether we are working or retired or full time Carer.
I am sorry to hear that your Mum is well enough to come home very soon. It seems like different hospitals have different visiting policies.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
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0
Bedford
I went and visited Mum today and was kitted up in the PPE as required for Essential Care Giver status. When I arrived by Mum’s door it was open so I called out hello and she came out of the ‘en suite’. She was obviously confused and muddled and was saying that she needed to get sorted out before Mrs Bartlett arrived. (No body of that name at the home or that Mum knows) she was in a flap though so I said I would help her. Then 5 minutes later she burst into tears and said she was so sorry that she had not recognised me and only just remembered who I was. It must have been so awfully sad for her. I knew it would happen one day but poor Mum didn’t.. even sadder that she then thought I was her sister rather than her daughter. Certainly the PPE does not help as I think I ‘merged’ into being a staff member.
Mum remained quite agitated and figgerty but calmed down a little about 45 mins later when the Carer brought us a cup of tea. However she was anxious about who was looking after her children whilst she was here and she thought they would think she did not care about them. I told her that her children loved her very much and they were all fine and understood that their Mum was a bit poorly. It did turn into a bit of a loop though. When Mum left hospital they did suggest putting some moisturising cream on her arm. I had been putting that on but also started putting hand cream on as well as she always complains that her hands are awful too (normal 91 yr old wrinkly hands which she does not recognise as such) she does seem to find this soothing and gradually her mood seemed to improve and I got a few smiles. Unfortunately it was time to leave then but I really hope the anxiety left her for a while.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,425
0
Southampton
you are so good with your mum. my mum didnt have dementia as such but aher behaviour was similar. she had breast cancer that spread to her brain. memory was poor, forgot she had meals, what shed seen on the tv. thought neighbours were talkin g to her through her window. i didnt care for her for long before she died. she was only 57 so i didnt get the opportunities of spending more time with her.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
Nice visit with Mum today and what was lovely was that she knew I was her daughter today :)
I was talking to the Carer who has spend a lot of time working in the quarantine area recently and she agrees with me that Mum really just wants a ‘natter’ more than any activities. We are both on the same wave length - it does not make a difference that it does not make sense - what matters is that it is a 2 way conversation. I do feel I will have to put this on my C.V. as a special skill.
Mum was in a good mood and I don’t think we had any tears today. We had a natter, we had coffee, we read the reminiscence weekly paper and as I was allowed to take in my duly wiped over devirused ipad I could get some pictures on that of some gardens to talk to Mum about (Mum was a keen gardener)
On the way out the Carer did mention that Mum had disappeared the other day after tea and then come back to the lounge area dressed as if she was going to a toga party. Mum said she was going out dancing and was anyone else interested in going with her. As the Carer got called away I did not find out how she managed to get Mum back to her room and changed into more suitable attire.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
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0
Bedford
Mum was sat in the armchair in her room when I arrived today. I called up to the staff to let them know I was there and went into Mum. I got a mumbled hello. The Carer came down with Mum’s breakfast toast as apparently she had wandered off from the breakfast table leaving it there. I was back to being the sister but Mum was very ‘flat’ today. She did eat most of her toast. Later she had no interest in the Belgium bun (that she usually loves). No enthusiasm for anything I tried to talk to her about or show her on the iPad. It generally felt like a was the slightly annoying visitor but she politely tolerated me until I went. She was confused and asked me several times when her Mum was coming to visit her. Although she had agreed to me putting some hand cream on she became quite agitated when I did.
She was also tired as she kept yawning and her eyes were drooping so I left early.

I told the Carer I was leaving and that Mum was staying in her room as she felt tired. She told me that she thought Mum had been more confused this morning. She said she would leave her in her room for 30 mins until lunch time and see if a short nap ‘perked’ her up. We had a chat and it was good to know that she knew Mum had done a lot of dressmaking in the past. I know this is not in Mum’s about me notes as I forgot to put it in.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
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Kent
It will be some consolation to feel the staff `know` your mum @Bikerbeth although worrying if she seemed more confused. Let`s hope it was just a down day.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
Thank you @Grannie G. I know she has a ‘meds’ review with the mental health team tomorrow.
It will be ‘interesting’ as it is booked in for late afternoon when Mum is not good anyway. This is also combined with Mum moving out of the quarantine wing after 8 weeks to go back to the dementia floor via the on site hairdresser (first time in 5 months) so that will probably add to her confusion. At least with the essential visits I can see what is happening and the senior nurse will have a chat with me on Thursday when I go in.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,425
0
Southampton
Thank you @Grannie G. I know she has a ‘meds’ review with the mental health team tomorrow.
It will be ‘interesting’ as it is booked in for late afternoon when Mum is not good anyway. This is also combined with Mum moving out of the quarantine wing after 8 weeks to go back to the dementia floor via the on site hairdresser (first time in 5 months) so that will probably add to her confusion. At least with the essential visits I can see what is happening and the senior nurse will have a chat with me on Thursday when I go in.
theres a lot of changes going on but the hairdresser might give her a boost with a bit of pampering. thank goodness isolation has now ended. that was cruel for that long.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
theres a lot of changes going on but the hairdresser might give her a boost with a bit of pampering. thank goodness isolation has now ended. that was cruel for that long.
I was told by the staff yesterday that she was well pleased with the haircut but was not impressed with being moved.
I went to see Mum today and walked in to be greeted by Mrs Angry. She told me that the children had stolen £800 from her bag. I told her that we had taken it to the bank yesterday so it was all safe. To which I got the reply ‘so how am I going to get down to the bank to get my money out’. I said we can walk down there tomorrow but it’s too wet today (fortunately it was raining outside) . I sat down and after a bit of pacing around she sat on the end of her bed. As she started rubbing her arms I asked her if she was cold and she said Yes, so I asked her if I should get her a cardi out of her wardrobe and she said yes. I then asked if she wanted some coffee and again she said yes so I found a staff member who said they would make us one. Fortunately Mum was now totally distracted from her money and the rest of the visit was lovely.
For me being able to go back into Mum’s room was good.
It looks so bleak in there, bleak is perhaps too strong a word, more like a hotel room - just functional She frequently takes all her photos down and has destroyed many of the frames. I wonder if she takes them down as she still believes she will be leaving when she gets better. On the other hand though, Mum never had any photos around at home except one of my Dad and one of me and my brother in her bedroom. She does have a vase of artificial sunflowers which she has had for a long time which have also stood the test of time. I will speak to the manager about putting up a picture frame with photos in it or perhaps a couple of pictures. Mum did have some ornaments in her lounge but I don’t think it is right to take them in as they are heavy and I would not like her throwing them at anyone. (Which has been known when she is angry)
She does like her ‘little puppy dog’ so I am also going to try her with a soft toy giraffe ( as she is fascinated by giraffes)
Her clothes do need sorting out though. There was a cardi that had shrunk and I found a few more with buttons missing but why o why don’t the staff tell you. I could have fixed them (the cardi’s had spare buttons on the labels) - surely the laundry would have noticed. We will see what else needs repairing or replacing over the next few weeks when I visit. I still have 2 cases of good clothes at my house of Mum’s that I can take in as needed.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,425
0
Southampton
I was told by the staff yesterday that she was well pleased with the haircut but was not impressed with being moved.
I went to see Mum today and walked in to be greeted by Mrs Angry. She told me that the children had stolen £800 from her bag. I told her that we had taken it to the bank yesterday so it was all safe. To which I got the reply ‘so how am I going to get down to the bank to get my money out’. I said we can walk down there tomorrow but it’s too wet today (fortunately it was raining outside) . I sat down and after a bit of pacing around she sat on the end of her bed. As she started rubbing her arms I asked her if she was cold and she said Yes, so I asked her if I should get her a cardi out of her wardrobe and she said yes. I then asked if she wanted some coffee and again she said yes so I found a staff member who said they would make us one. Fortunately Mum was now totally distracted from her money and the rest of the visit was lovely.
For me being able to go back into Mum’s room was good.
It looks so bleak in there, bleak is perhaps too strong a word, more like a hotel room - just functional She frequently takes all her photos down and has destroyed many of the frames. I wonder if she takes them down as she still believes she will be leaving when she gets better. On the other hand though, Mum never had any photos around at home except one of my Dad and one of me and my brother in her bedroom. She does have a vase of artificial sunflowers which she has had for a long time which have also stood the test of time. I will speak to the manager about putting up a picture frame with photos in it or perhaps a couple of pictures. Mum did have some ornaments in her lounge but I don’t think it is right to take them in as they are heavy and I would not like her throwing them at anyone. (Which has been known when she is angry)
She does like her ‘little puppy dog’ so I am also going to try her with a soft toy giraffe ( as she is fascinated by giraffes)
Her clothes do need sorting out though. There was a cardi that had shrunk and I found a few more with buttons missing but why o why don’t the staff tell you. I could have fixed them (the cardi’s had spare buttons on the labels) - surely the laundry would have noticed. We will see what else needs repairing or replacing over the next few weeks when I visit. I still have 2 cases of good clothes at my house of Mum’s that I can take in as needed.
sounds like a nice visit in the end. i used to collect up residents clothes and repair them. they cant wear them if they are damaged. would help if they told you. we used to have a tick list for hand over so it wasnt time consuming but the information could be passed on and behaviour could be monitored. the owner loved paperwork as evidence. soft toys and unbreakables are probably the way to go. i remember getting hit with a walking stick a few times, they are lethal!!
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,028
0
That sounds another positive visit, and glad you could get to see your mum's room and know what you need to do to make it more cheerful. The deflection of your mum's concern about the 'stolen money' sounds really well done. I hope that one doesn't re-appear. I wonder if fairly abstract pictures or landscapes might be more soothing for your mum than photographs?
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
810
0
Pleased to hear that you are now able to get into your mum's room and can sort some things out during your visit. Visits seem to be going well on the whole, you're very good at diverting your mum's attention so she doesn't fixate on things. Hope you'll be able to get outside in the sunshine, if we ever get any!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
Perhaps that is why Mum’s walking stick has been lost @jennifer1967 but I have told staff it does need to be found so that I can take Mum out into the wider world which will be ‘permitted’ from 17th May.
That is a good idea @Sarasa regarding landscapes as she loved the Lake District. I suppose I was thinking photos in a frame to try and help the Carers as well. The money question frequently appears but fortunately because I had been dealing with her finances for 5 years plus before she went into the CH she does seem to accept what I say at the moment. It was why originally she did have a small amount of money in a purse because she didn’t fret then and at the time she would have known if it was not ‘proper’ money.
Thank you @anxious annie it has been brilliant go back inside. The CH have really stepped up with the new manager. 2 relatives can have 1hour visits each week or 1 relative x 2 visits a week. Another 2 relatives can have garden visits outside under cover and socially distanced once a week. The relatives do have to be consistent. Additionally I think 9 out of 18 residents have a nominated essential care giver. It also seems that all essential care givers can go in as needed/required/wanted. So my Mum is best in the morning compared to some residents and I can go in up to 6 times a week 10am to 12, whereas other relatives prefer to go at meal times. I know some Care Homes have better visiting but most relatives/residents at Mum’s seem happy with this. It is certainly good progress.
Today’s visit was also good. When I arrived Mum was still having breakfast and as it is in a small dining area for dementia residents I was allowed to sit in there providing I remained socially distanced from the other residents and the windows were all slightly open. One of the other residents had been sent in some 2 new pairs of trainers and one of the admin staff was showing the resident. They were rather lovely. The Carers were also commenting and they joined Mum into the conversation as well and gave her time to speak (even though what she said did not make sense) so she was laughing and smiling. One of the Carers said she loved my Mum’s laugh to me. From when I arrived to when we left the dining area Mum never let go of my hand not in a bad way because she was worried or frightened but in a nice way. We then went to sit in her room for a bit and chat. I went out to make Mum another cup of tea and started talking to the nurse who was giving me an update on how Mum had settled in upstairs again (keeping an eye on her as she keeps trying to escape) Mum came out to find me and her face was not amused- fortunately she accepted my apology for getting distracted and I said I had been talking to the nurse about holiday destinations and Mum accepted that and she was fine again for the rest of the visit.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,425
0
Southampton
Perhaps that is why Mum’s walking stick has been lost @jennifer1967 but I have told staff it does need to be found so that I can take Mum out into the wider world which will be ‘permitted’ from 17th May.
That is a good idea @Sarasa regarding landscapes as she loved the Lake District. I suppose I was thinking photos in a frame to try and help the Carers as well. The money question frequently appears but fortunately because I had been dealing with her finances for 5 years plus before she went into the CH she does seem to accept what I say at the moment. It was why originally she did have a small amount of money in a purse because she didn’t fret then and at the time she would have known if it was not ‘proper’ money.
Thank you @anxious annie it has been brilliant go back inside. The CH have really stepped up with the new manager. 2 relatives can have 1hour visits each week or 1 relative x 2 visits a week. Another 2 relatives can have garden visits outside under cover and socially distanced once a week. The relatives do have to be consistent. Additionally I think 9 out of 18 residents have a nominated essential care giver. It also seems that all essential care givers can go in as needed/required/wanted. So my Mum is best in the morning compared to some residents and I can go in up to 6 times a week 10am to 12, whereas other relatives prefer to go at meal times. I know some Care Homes have better visiting but most relatives/residents at Mum’s seem happy with this. It is certainly good progress.
Today’s visit was also good. When I arrived Mum was still having breakfast and as it is in a small dining area for dementia residents I was allowed to sit in there providing I remained socially distanced from the other residents and the windows were all slightly open. One of the other residents had been sent in some 2 new pairs of trainers and one of the admin staff was showing the resident. They were rather lovely. The Carers were also commenting and they joined Mum into the conversation as well and gave her time to speak (even though what she said did not make sense) so she was laughing and smiling. One of the Carers said she loved my Mum’s laugh to me. From when I arrived to when we left the dining area Mum never let go of my hand not in a bad way because she was worried or frightened but in a nice way. We then went to sit in her room for a bit and chat. I went out to make Mum another cup of tea and started talking to the nurse who was giving me an update on how Mum had settled in upstairs again (keeping an eye on her as she keeps trying to escape) Mum came out to find me and her face was not amused- fortunately she accepted my apology for getting distracted and I said I had been talking to the nurse about holiday destinations and Mum accepted that and she was fine again for the rest of the visit.
that was nice visit. they shouldnt keep her walking stick any way even if she might use it. i never took the walking stick off of the person who gave me a few clouts.i just needed to be quicker next time.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,028
0
That sounds a lovely visit @Bikerbeth, ad it sounds like your mum is settling in upstairs again.
Hope you find the walking stick. My mum would refuse to use one, though she could really do with one or a frame. You don't think your mum has hidden it do you?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
that was nice visit. they shouldnt keep her walking stick any way even if she might use it. i never took the walking stick off of the person who gave me a few clouts.i just needed to be quicker next time.
Sorry I was only joking. I don’t think the staff would keep her walking stick . I think it has genuinely just gone ‘walk about’ as Mum only really needed it when we went on longer walks outside. It was also similar to another ladies. I don’t think she would have hidden it @Sarasa as she did not mind using it as she could see the benefits.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,425
0
Southampton
Sorry I was only joking. I don’t think the staff would keep her walking stick . I think it has genuinely just gone ‘walk about’ as Mum only really needed it when we went on longer walks outside. It was also similar to another ladies. I don’t think she would have hidden it @Sarasa as she did not mind using it as she could see the benefits.
i wish they hid the walking stick which was wacked on my back. im still not sure why i didnt move rather taking it. there was another person who ran at me with a plank of wood. where they get their strength from, i dont know
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,000
0
Bedford
So visits this week have been a little different. Mon and Thur apparently she had got up and had her breakfast and then gone back to bed. Thur apparently she had been up wandering from about 4am so that did explain why she was tired. Whilst I was there she did not sleep but ‘behaved’ like an invalid. Monday she did eventually get up but Thur she refused. I don’t mean it unkindly but it seemed a bit like an act. Thur did work quite well as I took in a random glossy magazine with landscapes and gardens in and she enjoyed looking through it and ‘chatted’ about it.
Thur afternoon she had another fall. The staff said she went to sit down but ‘missed’ the chair. As she hit her head and Mum is on anticoagulants an ambulance was called and with some reluctance she headed to hospital where I met her at A&E. It took about 3 hours to get the CT scan done and the Registrar to confirm that there was no bleeding on the brain. Good news obviously. Apart from a couple of times when she said ‘ she was fed up so she was going home’ she was generally calm and happy to chat. Pleased that there were no issues.
Another positive - care home policy had changed that day - no quarantine after GP, dental, opticians and hospital appointments (including short A&E visits) so Mum could go back to her room.
Friday morning I went back and she was in bed again and had had her breakfast in bed. She was tired and her eyes kept shutting - the nurse was keeping an eye on her but we both thought it was due to the ‘excitement’ of Thur afternoon. Unfortunately they had some people in doing a deep clean of the carpets so Mum did not get the opportunity to sleep due to the noise. I was surprised that the activity coordinator had not organised an activity out of the ‘wing’ whilst it was being done as the noise gave me a headache so I felt really sorry for the residents. With all this unsurprisingly Mum was quite grumpy.
nurse did say the physio was coming in to see Mum (and hopefully this is added incentive to find her walking stick which I emailed the manager about finding again this week). On her advise we have taken a pair of shoes away from Mum that she is unsafe to walk in now. She has also advised some ‘bootie’ Velcro fastening slippers. I think Mum will throw them at me in disgust but i have ordered some along with another pair of ordinary Velcro fastening slippers similar to what she already has. For some reason she keeps removing the insoles from them and we can’t work out why. This time we will try some superglue or similar to hold them in.