Sugar in her coffee

[Sarasa]

Glad you managed to have a good go at sorting your mum's bungalow. Are you selling it or renting it out? Mum also has/had good taste and I really liked her sideboard Unfortunalty we had no room for it so it went to the charity collection service. Good you got to see her on her birthday too.

 

[annielou]

Glad you and brother got things at your mums house sorted. Hope your visit has been good today X

 

[Bikerbeth]

We have decided to rent it out @Sarasa because financially it makes the best sense for funding Mum. Just a little more paperwork for me to do!!!!
Unfortunately the visit bordered on an OK. She was upset that we had not been on Saturday (her actual birthday day) and said nobody had been to see her (Home only allows Window visits Sun And Tue) . When I arrived at 10.15am she was a little tearful but brightened up a little when she saw me. Carer told me that Mum had had a ‘funny’ turn earlier when she almost collapsed on the way to the bathroom. However she was Ok and they were doing extra Obs. Mum was not really interested in her presents or cards - a bit like Christmas she would pick them up and then put them down without opening. Brother then turned up for his 10.45am visit but must have spent 15 mins talking to the lady on reception (outside not inside) He came to where we were doing the window visit with a big box of pressies from his side of the family and a big bunch of flowers. Mum just looked bewildered and we went through the same process again. Apart from a posh box of chocolates she did not show much interested in anything - I don’t think I was surprised really and had sort of expected this reaction. All she really wanted was a big family gathering as she kept saying ‘are all the family coming?’ Unfortunately this is all a bit of a fantasy as I don’t think we have had a big family gathering for over 40 years as we are all spread over the country. She also kept saying to me that she hoped that when I had some more time I would take her a walk over the fields. I keep saying that we will when she is a little better but Mum still remembers (in principle) the walks we did when she first moved there. Other people in Quarantine also had visitors so theoretically our time was up but Care Home arranged an alternative spot for them to visit to give us more time which was really kind. I was just about to leave Brother with Mum so they could have some time together as he had not seen her since Christmas when he announced he had to go. Found out later mum was then crying on and off for the rest of the afternoon. Spoke to Nurse next day (not a fan of this one) and she said ‘there is nothing the matter with your Mum she was probably just getting herself in a state because of her birthday’.

 

[Bikerbeth]

So I went on Tuesday for the usual visit and when she knows I am coming she will sit in a chair so she can see when I arrive. After booking in with temp check I went up to the relevant window and tapped on the window so the Carer could see me. He opened one of the Patio doors where I sit outside and he said Mum was not herself since he arrived at 8am. He had advised Nurse. Mum was sitting on the sofa and he tried to move Mum to a chair nearer the door where I was but she was almost like a dead weight and totally ‘spaced out’. He made her snug with lots of blankets and I got a half smile from her but she kept drifting of to sleep. He told me what her notes said and apparently Mum had got up at 7.30 her usual time and got dressed and come to the lounge area herself where she was when he arrived. He said Mum was one of his favourites along with another chap who also has dementia but he was visibly upset as he said he had seen both of them deteriorate so much through lockdown. I really appreciated his honesty as I felt the same but I think sometimes the Care Home thinks they know best and try and protect us with platitudes. So totally against the rules he gave me some hand sanitiser to use (I was already wearing a mask) and said some in and give your Mum a hug and he would watch along the corridor. Rightly or wrongly I seized the opportunity and I gave Mum a gentle hug and then held her hand for a few minutes. I went back outside and tried to get Mum talking as she just looked very dopey. just as we were going to chase the nurse up to come down again (He had also had 2 other residents just starting to stir at this time) Mum suddenly picked up and drank her tea and started eating her toast which he had left near her. After that she was fine. Rang back in the afternoon and apparently she had been fine for the rest of the day.
yesterday morning the Senior Carer rang me to say they were trying to contract the GP as they thought Mum was having some fainting fits. I said what I had seen yesterday morning did not appear to be just a fainting fit (see comment earlier!!!). I said although I was not an expert obviously could it be something like a TIA and Carer said possibly but she would let me know what GP said. GP apparently did a meds review and thought Mum’s dose of Trazodone was too high so has halved it. I am not convinced but what do I know. They will see what happens with regards to the fainting but also see if her aggression increases with the Trazodone reduction.

 

[Sarasa]

@Bikerbeth, that is mixture of good and bad. I think breaking the rules in your case was a good thing to do. Glad they are trying to work out what's up with your mum, but it does sound a bit like TIAs. Sorry the birthday visit was a bit fraught. Mum didn't really understand her birthday I don't think but enjoyed all the fuss the home made, but that of course was pre-lockdown.
Covid restrictions are making difficult situations ten times worse.

 

[Woo2]

I missed your Sunday post somehow so just catching up @Bikerbeth , I’m glad you managed to get Mums bungalow mostly sorted out and no problems /disagreements with brother , sorry about the increase in work for you though (not suprised ) . Mums birthday visit Sunday sounded ok,shame brother shot off before you had time to leave him with mum. sorry to hear about her episodes and hope that reduction in medication has the desired effect , I think the carer made the right call re the cuddle , thanks goodness for a little common sense . Have a hug for you

 

[annielou]

Its such a shame visits are only on certain days so couldn't go on your mums actual birthday. Your mum was probably remembering those big family gatherings as though recent like my mum does, she remembers 30/40 year ago better than now. I think birthdays and christmas can be confusing and emotional times but hopefully your mum will look again at her presents later and appreciate them even if she doesn't fully get what they're for and who brought them.
Can see why you don't like that particular nurse, what a way to put it, ‘there is nothing the matter with your Mum she was probably just getting herself in a state because of her birthday’. he/she have some compassion and feeling The other one sounds much nicer and like he really cares about your mum. What a love to let you give mum a hug, I think that's so needed and well done him for letting you. It's such a worry when they're not right, I hope the reduction in that medication helps and doesn't cause other problems. Maybe it's something like low blood sugar or low blood pressure, or as you say maybe a TIA, I hope it's nothing serious and is resolved easily

 

[Sam51]

My mum says her neighbours are constantly banging on her door ,sometimes during the night ,I'm sure it's all in her mind .
I have got really scared of taking her out or even to my house as she as started to swear in public and it's very embarrassing, she as always sworn but I used to tell her off now she just ignores me and swears more .
I feel guilty not taking her out but what can I do ?

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @Sam51. My dad used to hear noises sometimes, that’s probably what’s happening with your mum.

I feel for you with the swearing. My dad didn’t swear but he sometimes said some very inappropriate things. There was no point in trying to correct him or tell him off so I used to try to change the subject and often had to mouth “sorry, dementia “ to offended people behind his back.

Could you take your mum out where there aren’t many other people around?

 

[Sam51]

Hi,
Thanks for your reply ,
I should try and take her somewhere quiet .I am also worried about her going out as she shielded all through the first wave of coronavirus as she as kidney disease and low immune system.
But I think if she stays in it will make her worse ,with her mental health.
I'm struggling with coping with this ,I don't know what to do

 

[anxious annie]

Hi @Bikerbeth
Sorry to hear your mum didn't have such a good "birthday" visit , what a shame she couldn't "celebrate" with you on the actual day. That was kind of the career to let you have a hug, id have gone for it too. I hope they sort her medication out , so she's more stable.
Good that you're sorting her bungalow and that you'll be able to rent it out. We thought about that for mum's house but it just needed too much work doing for it to be an acceptable standard.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you for the replies and the hugs. I really do hope it is the meds although she has been on them since May. I think it concerned me as it reminded me when I saw my Aunt who had vascular dementia and had quite a few TIAs.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Hi,
Thanks for your reply ,
I should try and take her somewhere quiet .I am also worried about her going out as she shielded all through the first wave of coronavirus as she as kidney disease and low immune system.
But I think if she stays in it will make her worse ,with her mental health.
I'm struggling with coping with this ,I don't know what to do

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time. I was lucky that Mum continued to trust her neighbour but I know others on here have had terrible problems. The closest I got was Mum saying the Carers had taken things when it was Mum hiding them.
My Mum never swore but now occasionally says mild swear words. Like Bunpoots’ Dad though she really does say inappropriate things, unfortunately all part of the illness. If distraction did not work then I don’t make any comment back to Mum as it serves no purpose and if anything it would make her worse.
Are you getting any support?

 

[Bikerbeth]

Just rang home to speak to Mum. Have been advised she has had another ‘funny turn’ this morning. The Nurse is currently on the phone to 111. They will ring me later.

 

[Bunpoots]

What a worry @Bikerbeth . I’ll keep my fingers crossed it’s nothing serious.

 

[Sarasa]

What a worry @Bikerbeth. Hope it's nothing too serious.

 

[lemonbalm]

That's not a good start to the day @Bikerbeth . I hope it turns out to be something easily sorted out.

 

[Woo2]

Fingers crossed for you both @Bikerbeth that it’s nothing serious eldest and I both last night felt light headed , a bit sick and just weird , guessing it’s a bug as both ok today .

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you all for your kind wishes.
Just had long talks with Carer and (agency) nurse who were both very informative.
Apparently it is happening between 1 and 4 times a day. This time however they took her blood pressure standing up, sitting down and then lying down. There is a huge difference between them. It appears when Mum stands her blood pressure goes really low and hence why she ‘faints and just falls’ if not caught.
The Dr on phone said to stop Mum’s blood pressure tablets (which were for high blood pressure) and then for a full meds review to be done again this week. Apparently the Trazodone has not been reduced yet though as it has not been altered on the data base yet from the Doctors surgery (that was advised 28.10.20) so I wonder why it takes 3 days to alter a computer record.
When I spoke her about 11.30 she was unexpectedly very upset and still a bit confused but I am told by the nurse that she is now happily chattering away and laughing with the Carer. So that is good news.

 

[Woo2]

Good to hear that they have worked it out , hope mum is feeling much better soon and the appropriate medication is sorted soon