Sugar in her coffee

[jugglingmum]

Pleased to see you got your new bike.

Life a bit busy here so not been commenting much.

I wonder if the phonecall is linked to your mum seeing quite a bit of you with hospital trips and now missing you.

Did you follow up the painkillers? I can't believe they wouldn't give them - just not right and you want to have something in a plan for another time even if she doesn't need them anymore now.

My mum's flat is right above the carpark and my mum went through a phase of enjoying people watching - she's not upto that now I don't think.

 

[Woo2]

I agree @jugglingmum , she had a short period of seeing you a bit , it’s very hard , worse for you as you think about it where as Mum will not view it in quite the same way . Take care

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you @jugglingmum and @Woo2 - an outside perspective is always useful and I had not thought of the fact that I had seen her a lot lately.
Rain forecast for Monday so the window visit will not be brilliant but I am ‘grateful’ that I can see Mum unlike many others.
I do need to follow up on the pain relief. Manager was away last week. I had asked Mum if her finger hurt in several ways and got a consistent No fortunately. As you said though going forward a plan needs to be in place.

 

[anxious annie]

I hope that your mum 's finger isn't giving her any pain when you visit on Monday. Definitely need your waterproofs, and it seems wrong that people have to be '' grateful" for window visits. Hope your mum can cope with these .

 

[Bikerbeth]

Mum has been ok about window visits so far @anxious annie until the last one when she got cold because of the draught going through the window. I hope Care Home gets its winter measures in place very soon. Yes I was unsure of what word to use but felt at least I get to see Mum when many on here don’t.
I got my flu jab today. Was not sure whether to or not and it is the first year I decided to. I did not realise they give different flu jabs so OH got the over 65 version and I got the under 65 one. You learn something every day.☺

 

[jugglingmum]

There is a different one again for U18s.

I've never had a reaction to the flu jab but my dau always is below par for a few days afterwards. One year we didn't juggle it into her race schedule she got flu and then pneumonia so she prefers the few days feeling under par. She does have a weak immune system so might be why.

 

[Bikerbeth]

There is a different one again for U18s.

I've never had a reaction to the flu jab but my dau always is below par for a few days afterwards. One year we didn't juggle it into her race schedule she got flu and then pneumonia so she prefers the few days feeling under par. She does have a weak immune system so might be why.

I guess there is currently no bike racing. If I remember rightly you were all involved.

 

[Bikerbeth]

So letter received today to say the Care Home group are looking at ‘winter visiting’ but it is taking time due to differing local restrictions.
Also on arrival today told that as the hairdresser is back in on Monday’s And therefore visits will now only be Sunday or Tuesday.
Saw Mum - little rant coming up- she came to the window of the isolation lounge when she saw me arrive with long sleeve tea shirt and her coat on. I checked in outside by reception (temperature check etc) and then went back to patio door which ‘agency Carer’ opened with Mum still in her light weight Mac with a blanket over her sitting in a chair. I tried to ask Mum if she wanted a jumper and some socks on but she said she had not got any. I said she had and did she want the Carer to get some. She said No as she did not want a fuss but she was a little cold as she was huddled up below the blanket. I know Mum has the right to make unwise decisions but shouldn’t a good Carer get her wearing appropriate clothing. Am I expecting too much.
Then I noticed her finger did not have a bandage on it. I asked the Carer and he said that Mum had taken it off whilst Mum said it disappeared in the night. However she did also complain that when the staff changed it, it hurt so I think maybe she took it off. It did at least look clean from what I could see. Carer said he had advised nurse 9am and was waiting for nurse to come. Nurse finally turned up at 11am to give Mum her meds and had the appropriate bandage dressing with him. However on inspecting Mum’s finger he realised he needed a ‘gauze’ (?) dressing as well and disappeared off. I had to leave 20 mins later and he had not returned by then. I asked Carer to ensure it was bandaged again please.
Carer also spent half the time with his mask in front of his mouth but not covering his nose.
on the good side the Carer was able to get Mum laughing better than I could today, chatted easily with her and in lots of way (apart from mask) did seem to be on the ball.
I wish now I had taken some photos though.

 

[anxious annie]

No, you're not expecting too much @Bikerbeth . The carers should have made sure your mum was dressed appropriately to ensure she kept warm. Mum's home are sorting an indoor room, with screen on order. I don't know how long this will all take, would have thought they could have anticipated the Autumn would make outside visits not possible. I think surely they could have the hairdresser on a day they didn't have visitors, am thinking he/she uses the same room? I hope he came back to dress your mums finger not long after you'd left. A pity the carer wasn't wearing the mask properly ( makes a bit of a farse of the whole situation), but glad he managed to keep your mum cheerful.

 

[annielou]

Sorry your visit gave you extra worries x Hopefully the nurse came back soon afterwards, but 20 minutes seems a long time to go fetch gauze, wonder where it was?? They sound quite busy and maybe they're struggling to keep up which is a shame for them, but more so for residents.
It is hard to know what is true between what carer says and your mum, I know mum isn't a reliable witness as her memory about things isn't good. Mum often used to sit in her cardi feeling hot and moaning and didn't think to take it off, I used to suggest it and sometimes even then she didn't do it and the same the other way round with feeling chilly. I'd suggest putting something on or taking it off and mum'd sometimes say she couldn't be bothered. I'd say I'll fetch it, or help but she's say not to fuss then shiver or puff with being hot. I'd usually wait a few minutes and either fetch her a cardi, put heating on, or suggest taking cardi off again. You'd hope carers would do the same wouldn't you and be better at it than us, but then maybe that's why they'd got her a blanket if she wouldn't agree to more clothes. It's a shame they didn't explain that if it was the case though so maybe I'm being hopeful. It's hard to know what to think
I've seen quite a few people with their mask over their mouth but not their nose including people on tv. The other week I was waiting in the car while hubby was in a shop and two ladies walked by, I heard one say to other that she doesn't cover her nose with her mask but doesn't think it matters cos if she sneezes she can grab a tissue and if her nose runs it will soak into mask underneath her nose rather than drop on anyone else anyway

 

[Bikerbeth]

Thank you for your reply @anxious annie and @annielou. I know Mum can be stubborn and gets agitated if ‘they go on’ as in ‘do you want a cardi?’ but if they got one and put it by her I think she would have put it on. It was me that asked that they got the blanket.
The head office rules were that they could have a hairdresser in providing she went straight to the ‘salon’ and remained there. Consequently the Activities coordinator has to take each resident to the hairdresser. The Activities Coordinator is also generally the person who ‘sits in’ on the visits. That is the justification for cancelling one of the visiting days.
It is hard what to know @annielou, I am generally not a very trusting person and I do find it hard in my head not knowing whether Mum’s memory of an event is accurate or not. I debate backwards and forwards with myself. I now tend to work on consistency as in how many times Mum mentions it. I think I have to believe that the majority of the carers are good although often overloaded.
Masks well that indeed is a topic. I think I read that a local council issued warning to 4 supermarkets for allowing shoppers without masks in without questioning why? The council was then told by the government ‘to back off’ as it was not good for business.

 

[annielou]

Oh I was being hopeful then wasn't I thinking that your mum had a blanket as carers way round it with your mum Something to keep an eye for your next visit then and maybe have a word about. Hopefully it's a one off and be better next time, it's a worry knowing when to worry x

 

[imthedaughter]

Dad used to drive me bonkers with his "I don't have any" with whatever it was he needed, or if I got him something "That's not mine, it was here when I got here"
Give me strength!
I am almost certain that 'appropriate dressing' (for the weather, for the situation) is one of the first things that has to be taken care of.

I think people not wearing masks is often not questioned as you never know if someone has a health condition and people don't want to ask.

 

[VerityH]

I love being a 100 miles away. Left yesterday and the rotary drier was in the garden. This morning on our daily phone call she asked if I had moved it or knew who had as it is no longer there. So will be getting my detective hat on for Tuesday when I go to visit

Oh god I remember these days! I was 4 hours away. The worst day was all the keys going missing, which was when I started to realise the wheels had really fallen off with mum - dad had dementia and was bolshy, and the histrionics over these bloody keys! I found a set by getting everything back from all the neighbours, and got several sets made. I found the original set next day tied up in a charity bag in the knicker drawer. Dad now gone, and mum safely locked up in a lovely care home where no keys are needed (though she always asked if we had the keys when exiting her bedroom). I'm not allowed to see her any more ...

 

[Bikerbeth]

Oh I was being hopeful then wasn't I thinking that your mum had a blanket as carers way round it with your mum Something to keep an eye for your next visit then and maybe have a word about. Hopefully it's a one off and be better next time, it's a worry knowing when to worry x

Yes and then you worry about not having anything to worry about

 

[Bikerbeth]

Dad used to drive me bonkers with his "I don't have any" with whatever it was he needed, or if I got him something "That's not mine, it was here when I got here"
Give me strength!
I am almost certain that 'appropriate dressing' (for the weather, for the situation) is one of the first things that has to be taken care of.

I think people not wearing masks is often not questioned as you never know if someone has a health condition and people don't want to ask.

I think one of Mum’s favourites is ‘I don’t know anything about that’

 

[Bikerbeth]

Oh god I remember these days! I was 4 hours away. The worst day was all the keys going missing, which was when I started to realise the wheels had really fallen off with mum - dad had dementia and was bolshy, and the histrionics over these bloody keys! I found a set by getting everything back from all the neighbours, and got several sets made. I found the original set next day tied up in a charity bag in the knicker drawer. Dad now gone, and mum safely locked up in a lovely care home where no keys are needed (though she always asked if we had the keys when exiting her bedroom). I'm not allowed to see her any more ...

Yes I had the keys as well. Once the day before I was going on holiday. It was also one of the reasons I thought Mum needed to go to a Care Home as she could have the keys in her hand and not recognise them as keys. The hiding places were indeed wierd and wonderful.
So sorry you are not allowed to see your Mum. This is a cruel disease and we are in a cruel situation.

 

[Bikerbeth]

Some good news. When Mum finishes her 2 week quarantine they will let her have an appointment with the hairdresser before returning her to the quarantine part. As she seems calmer there they have agreed she can stay there (Instead of moving her back to the dementia wing) until her minor eye op on the 20th Oct plus of course another 2 weeks quarantine.
as she does like it in that part of the building I did ask if she could stay there but as it is for general residents it is not as secure.

Other good news for me personally I took my every 3 years advanced motorbike retest today and passed with flying colours. I was so chuffed as I have no confidence in my abilities.

 

[anxious annie]

Good news that your mum can stay where she is calmer, at least for a while.
Congratulations on your advanced motorbike test result. Have faith in your abilities!

 

[annielou]

Thats two bits of good news @Bikerbeth