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Sugar in her coffee

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Oh what a day, your poor mum and you. Well done on calming your mum enough for her to be seen by DR, I hope the infection heals soon. Is it same infection she had in her toe from not having nails cut do you think? I hope when she goes back on thursday it's clearing and healing ok. The no painkillers if mum said no is worrying isn't it. As you say your mum probably didn't realise what they were asking her about or realise that saying no would man she stayed in pain, what an awful situation. Hope mum goes on ok in quarantine x 🤗 🤗
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Oh @Bikerbeth , I’m so glad you managed to get mum calmed and to take tablets and get treatment 👍 I too wondered if it had any connection to toe . Nice you got a hug shame about that circumstances ,Hope Thursday goes ok🤞. It is very difficult about painkillers , does she have a favourite carer that could try or the receptionist maybe ? Take it Mum has to quarantine now ? That’s hard after just moving rooms again , a lot of change for her , hope she deals with it ok . Take care
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,027
What a day @Bikerbeth. I hope she settled in her new bed and someone manages to get her to take the painkillers. Well done with the visit to A&E, and managing to keep your cool. I totally lost it with mum after six hours in there with her in February, something I'm not proud of.
Good luck for Thursday.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
thank you for your replies.
I don’t think the toe nail and finger nail infections are related but I will ask at the clinic on Thursday - good thought @annielou and @Woo2. Yes Mum is in quarantine and of course due to hospital appointment on Thur it will be 14 days. I am hoping that in this case being ‘anti social’ will help Mum.
I don’t think Mum has a favourite Carer just people she tolerates more than others such as the Receptionist. As Mum was in pain yesterday I think she got more stubborn because I asked her a couple of times about having paracetamol and she refused.
I think I was lucky @Sarasa in the fact that I was only in the hospital for a couple of hours. I did find it frustrating when you are repeating the ‘please take the tablets the Dr is trying to help you’ and the reply you get is something like ‘ when you went shopping with Vi and you didn’t invite me I was cross’
I must remember because I think what finally worked was me saying ‘no problem we will just sit here until you decide differently’ then just sitting there holding her hand. I guess the silence allowed her brain time to process.
i will try Helpline today and see what has to be done (or could be done) going forward so Mum could have painkillers gong forward without her consent as I really think it is inhuman even knowing the rationale as to why
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
498
I had a finger infection as a child it was horribly painful, lanced at A&E like your mum.
Surely someone can decide to over ride her decision re painkillers. You wouldn’t see an animal in pain yet because of so called “competence” people are left in pain!
Hopefully now it’s been lanced it won’t be so bad.
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
98
Bristol
thank you for your replies.
I don’t think the toe nail and finger nail infections are related but I will ask at the clinic on Thursday - good thought @annielou and @Woo2. Yes Mum is in quarantine and of course due to hospital appointment on Thur it will be 14 days. I am hoping that in this case being ‘anti social’ will help Mum.
I don’t think Mum has a favourite Carer just people she tolerates more than others such as the Receptionist. As Mum was in pain yesterday I think she got more stubborn because I asked her a couple of times about having paracetamol and she refused.
I think I was lucky @Sarasa in the fact that I was only in the hospital for a couple of hours. I did find it frustrating when you are repeating the ‘please take the tablets the Dr is trying to help you’ and the reply you get is something like ‘ when you went shopping with Vi and you didn’t invite me I was cross’
I must remember because I think what finally worked was me saying ‘no problem we will just sit here until you decide differently’ then just sitting there holding her hand. I guess the silence allowed her brain time to process.
i will try Helpline today and see what has to be done (or could be done) going forward so Mum could have painkillers gong forward without her consent as I really think it is inhuman even knowing the rationale as to why
Hope your mum is feeling in less pain for second hospital trip tomorrow. I wonder if these infections affect her like a UTI can adversely affect PWD. Has your mum been checked for diabetes? My mum suffers with toe issues but is Type 2 diabetic, might be worth checking with doctors if unknown. On the medication, others here with more experience may be able to clarify but wouldn’t this be part of a DOLs protocol, assuming there is one for your mum in place. It’s in her best interests to be relieved of pain and if tablets are difficult maybe they could provide liquid form of paracetamol for her. Enjoy the hugs again tomorrow🙂
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
I had a finger infection as a child it was horribly painful, lanced at A&E like your mum.
Surely someone can decide to over ride her decision re painkillers. You wouldn’t see an animal in pain yet because of so called “competence” people are left in pain!
Hopefully now it’s been lanced it won’t be so bad.
From care home report today it appears she is more comfortable but very understandably she has been very tearful. Moving rooms at Care Home on Monday, pain, hospital visit, more pain, sedatives and now in another room due to quarantine. That would be hard on anyone. I just hope that she will let me take her back to the hospital tomorrow for the finger to be checked over.
I have taken some advise today and it appears the home will have to go back to the Memory Clinic to get Mum reassessed as to what her capacity is. Memory clinic won’t speak to me despite me having LPA.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
Hope your mum is feeling in less pain for second hospital trip tomorrow. I wonder if these infections affect her like a UTI can adversely affect PWD. Has your mum been checked for diabetes? My mum suffers with toe issues but is Type 2 diabetic, might be worth checking with doctors if unknown. On the medication, others here with more experience may be able to clarify but wouldn’t this be part of a DOLs protocol, assuming there is one for your mum in place. It’s in her best interests to be relieved of pain and if tablets are difficult maybe they could provide liquid form of paracetamol for her. Enjoy the hugs again tomorrow🙂
Thank you @Chaplin. I think the infections do increase her paranoia and she does get more aggressive ( because she can’t communicate about the pain properly and gets frustrated?) I will ask about a check for diabetes but the toe infection I think was due to a long toe nail digging in due to no chiropodist . Mum has a DoLS in place but it appears that she is still deemed to have capacity to decide on pain relief, yet she is given antibiotics, anti depressants without her consent. Personally I find it difficult to understand the difference. Taking the actual tablets is not an issue. I might see if I can get the hospital DR to prescribe painkiller if still necessary tomorrow.
thank you I will enjoy the hugs.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
520
My dad refuses tablets often as well, and has lived with pain for half his life after an accident. I am much more of my mum's school of thought that painkillers exist for a reason, and I swear by ibuprofen for period pains, headaches and my now ever- present TMJ (if I get a flare up my dentist instructions were six tablets a day for two weeks as anti-inflammatory properties tale a couple of days to kick in).
I told the home that when he's inexplicably grumpy he may well be in pain as he has often been like that so if they can get him to take some painkillers it may be easier all around. Certainly I know dad can refuse medicine but if he does the carers will just keep trying. Just giving up is not good enough. If they are constipated do they just leave it if they say they don't want a laxative? Antibiotics for a kidney infection? Where's the line?

Good luck for tomorrow, that finger sounds horrible, poor mum.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,027
Hope the hospital visit goes well today and some way is found to persuade your mum to accept painkillers. It seems daft the memory clinic will talk to the home, but not to you. Mum's clinic were fine talking to me, so I don't understand why they can't/won't talk to you.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
My dad refuses tablets often as well, and has lived with pain for half his life after an accident. I am much more of my mum's school of thought that painkillers exist for a reason, and I swear by ibuprofen for period pains, headaches and my now ever- present TMJ (if I get a flare up my dentist instructions were six tablets a day for two weeks as anti-inflammatory properties tale a couple of days to kick in).
I told the home that when he's inexplicably grumpy he may well be in pain as he has often been like that so if they can get him to take some painkillers it may be easier all around. Certainly I know dad can refuse medicine but if he does the carers will just keep trying. Just giving up is not good enough. If they are constipated do they just leave it if they say they don't want a laxative? Antibiotics for a kidney infection? Where's the line?

Good luck for tomorrow, that finger sounds horrible, poor mum.
I’m in your Mum’s school of thought too and my physio said the same about ibuprofen as your dentist when my slipped discs play up.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
590
Your mums having a tough time with infections and hospital visits @Bikerbeth .
It was good that you managed to spend sometime with her, even if it was at the hospital.
I hope she is feeling better and getting on OK with quarantine
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
Thanks @Sarasa , @anxious annie and all who wished me and Mum well for hospital visit today. All did go well. We arrived at Care Home and Mum was dressed. She happily came out to the car. I asked her if she was still happy to come to the hospital with us so the Dr could check her finger. She said Yes although she thought she had been there the day before. She was worried that her hair looked such a mess. OH said he would go and buy her a brush whilst we waited. We arrived at hospital about 30 mins too early but apart from getting a bit restless saying I should check with the staff she had not been forgotten she was fine. We went in to see the Dr and he said the wound was clean and that the A&E consultant had done a good job. He cut off some of the excess skin (the only point when Mum went ‘ouch’ ) washed it and rebandaged. OH picked us up and we stopped and got some takeaway coffees (transferred to some mugs I had taken) and we sat in a lay-by in the countryside for a while. Mum seemed to enjoy it. She is not really a hug person although I did give her one. However she like us having our arms linked and holding hands. Which was good, as I was talking socially distanced to the receptionist when we got back and she said she was never quite sure whether to hug Mum when she was upset so I suggested the above as it gives Mum more ability to move away if she does not like it. I also think linking arms was something Mum did with her Sister and properly a generation thing. Receptionist said if Mum responded better to that than a hug she would have it added to Mum’s care notes.
So the good and the bad news is that Mum needs to go back to the hospital on Monday which means I get to see her and take her again but it is 4pm (So expecting a bit of sun downing) it also means that Mum will do nearly 3 weeks in quarantine. Fortunately there will be another lady in quarantine too and apparently they can sit in the quarantine lounge together During the day although socially distanced so at least not just isolated in a room. Fingers crossed she will be ok but I think she will miss ‘working ‘ in reception
 
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annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
Glad to hear your mums finger looks to be healing ok, shame about another hospital visit prolonging quarantine though, but like you say nice to have another opportunity to see her up close. I hope other lady in quarantine is nice company for your mum. 🤞
Sounds like your mum was happy to see you and seemed more relaxed today so hope that means the pain wasn't bothering her today. Has she accepted pain killers now or is it cos infection going and finger healing ? Whichever, I'm glad she seems calmer x
Sounds like a nice detour while you were out sharing a drink in the countryside :) Hope it all goes ok on Monday, I'm not a fan of afternoon appointments cos of sundowning either but hopefully it will be ok and your mum being pleased to see you again will help 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
I think she was in less pain today because the swelling has gone down @annielou After the Dr had finished (and he said I could) I gave Mum some ibuprofen before we got back to the Care Home as I thought it would be very tender at the minimum. However my technique was ‘here are some painkillers for you to take.’ So Mum could still have refused rather than ‘would you like some painkillers?’
Again strange as the home rang me up to ask my permission to give Mum a flu jab. No wonder I am confused 🙄
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,771
Yorkshire
I think the whole tablets and what they do and don't have to ask mum or you about is just too weird for words.
I tended to just give mum tablets and drink of water and say here's your tablets mum too. Good idea to give her some after seen DR today. x Hope Monday goes well x
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,983
South East
Good to hear Mums fingers is healing , and that you got her to take tablets ok. Shane about the extra quarantine 😐 Slightly better that she has someone to share it with and hope they get on ok . Good luck for Monday’s visit🤞.
 

anxious annie

Registered User
Jan 2, 2019
590
Hi @Bikerbeth
I hope you don't mind me posting here but I wanted to get as much exposure as possible to let people know that
Helen Whately , minister for health and social care is on radio 4 tonight at 8pm on Any Questions
Please email, one sentence questions to
anyquestions@bbc.co.uk Or phone 03700 100 444 , calls at 01 02 rates, tho not sure when lines open for this
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,709
Bedford
Hi @Bikerbeth
I hope you don't mind me posting here but I wanted to get as much exposure as possible to let people know that
Helen Whately , minister for health and social care is on radio 4 tonight at 8pm on Any Questions
Please email, one sentence questions to
anyquestions@bbc.co.uk Or phone 03700 100 444 , calls at 01 02 rates, tho not sure when lines open for this
No problem. I missed it as I was travelling and away for the weekend and will try and get it on radio catch up
 

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