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Sugar in her coffee

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
So I went to Mum’s bungalow to really begin sorting. Brother has now given his permission for me to at least start throwing out broken items, unusable clothes, various used items such as toothbrushes etc so that was at least something. So I have now brought back to mine any clothes that she may use in the care home when current ones become worn. I have sorted her bedroom and most of the contents of the spare bedroom into ‘rubbish’, charity shop, ‘someone in family including me’ might like. Same with contents of linen cupboard. Will go back up and try to do same with kitchen contents another day. So then it will all depend on when he can get down to ‘approve’. Difficult because he works in a school and the distance away he is but we do need to move this forward. I think he feels that we are ‘taking Mum’s possessions’ in some ways but Mum realistically only has so much room at the CH and the bungalow needs to be cleared.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,943
South East
It seems slightly unfair that brother had to give his permission but is doing little to help, he really should pencil in a weekend to sort out things and help . I am lucky in that I did it all myself , there would of been arguments galore as invisible wanted to burn all paperwork and throw all little nik naks and sell furniture , I wanted to go through it all in time which I did . I hope you get through it ok 🤗 It is a painful task . X
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,002
When I was clearing mum’s place in similar circumstances my brother couldn’t have helped even if he’d wanted to as he was ill in hospital. I did run my ideas past him and his wife and she did come along one day to have a look at what I was doing and give a bit of a hand.Fortunately we basically agreed, though I think if he had been able to help he’d have wanted to hang on to far more stuff than I did.
I think may you need to give your brother a deadline @Bikerbeth . I’m sure he could carve out some time if he thinks you’ll get rid of stuff without his looking.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Thank you @Woo2 and @Sarasa. The main factor for brother is not been able to stay away overnight as is it too far from him to travel there and back in a day. As you say though we need to have a deadline in place.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
The memory team have changed Mum’s tablets and I need to check with the Care Home when they started. so far Mum seems more confused.
Monday phone call was very confused and I could make little sense of the conversation but hopefully put in some yes, no, umh, not sure etc in the appropriate places. She did think her Dad had left her ‘there’ whilst we all went on holiday (she thinks I am her sister sometimes). She knew her Dad must have a good reason for leaving her there but she was not keen on it.
this morning Mum asked them to ring me which they did. She said she could not remember if her son had died at the same time as her Dad although she didn’t think so. Then she said I could visit her on Sunday at the graveyard because she would be dead then but she didn’t think there would be many people there. I tried to change the subject to cooking and my work which worked for a while.
then she rang again this evening (with assistance) to say that the gentleman who lived opposite had needed help after being robbed in the alleyway and she had done her best to make him better and she didn’t think she could do anything else for him. She mentioned a name and seem to be referring to someone in the house opposite she lived in as a child
these conversations seem worse and poor Mum seems to have no peace trying to make sense of where she is and why.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,943
South East
I’m sorry you have had some difficult times and calls 🙁 Does your mum get upset about the confabulation‘s ? Hope the tablets kick in soon 🤞My mum was asking if her ornament was safe in her room last night when the people come , I reassured her no one was coming in except family or friends and it was quite safe . I didn’t mean to be too harsh about brother but I think a date is important to aim for. Hopefully he can get down soon and get it nearer to completed so you can move forward with sale or rent .
How are your veg doing ? Ours are steadily getting there , beetroot and carrots almost ready 😛 . Take care🤗
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,761
Yorkshire
Sorry to hear your mum is so confused. Its awful not knowing what to say when you can’t follow their thinking in the stories they’re telling.. Horrible disease not letting their minds settle. 🤗
Does your mums home think your mum is more confused since started new tablets ? Its a shame if they’re making her more confused. I hope it’s just her body getting used to new medicine and she feels better and less confused soon. 🤞Keeping everything crossed mum starts feeling more settled in next few days or they find some other medication that helps x Sending hugs for you both 🤗🤗
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
@Woo2 - no you are not being harsh regards brother. He does need to get to Mum’s house.
Mum has not been upset about the confabulations until this evening. I got a phone call about 4.30pm asking if I would speak to Mum as she was upset and confused. I have no idea whether Mum asked to speak to me or it was an easy option for them today. Currently I will always speak to Mum but I do sometimes wonder if some of the staff do not have the experience/training to distract or maybe still a bit short of staff at times.
Mum was crying and saying she had taken 2 girls to Rugby (place not game) and she needed to pick them up this evening but did not know how she was going to get there as she had forgotten where she was. (It’s ok Mum I will go and collect them) Then she was onto saying she would be in the tombstone by Sunday. (No Mum you are just a little tired today) Afterwards she thought I was her sister and started mentioning some people who lived opposite her sister and that she thought they were coming for tea but she didn’t have any food in. (I’ll pop to the shops for you). We ended up with more tears as she thought she was in trouble with her Mum and Dad ( of course not - you have done nothing wrong to get into trouble for and we all love you lots) Mum seems to think her Dad has put her in the home but she is not sure what the ‘home’ is (despite brother telling her quite a lot that it is a care home and she choose it)
It is awful when you can’t follow what the PWD is trying to communicate @annielou. The bits above are what I could follow but a lot more I had to try and make the right replies. If I find it hard then how much worse is it for Mum trying to communicate what she is upset about. I just wanted to go and give her a big hug.
I spoke to a nurse at the home today after the phone call from Mum. She had a quick look through Mum’s note and it has been written that Mum appears more confused since new meds. It seems it is a case of give it For 2 weeks to see if her body adjusts to it, if not another consult with the Dr. Meanwhile they will test Mum for UTI.
Thank you both for the hugs.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,761
Yorkshire
Hope mum does start feeling better soon. Sounds like you did a good job trying to settle your mum even though you couldn't follow all of it. I was reading about medication tonight and I did read it can take a couple of weeks to start to see improvement as body gets used to new medication/dose and can get worse first so fingers crossed your mum starts feeling an improvement soon 🤞
🤗🤗🤗
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
Hope mum does start feeling better soon. Sounds like you did a good job trying to settle your mum even though you couldn't follow all of it. I was reading about medication tonight and I did read it can take a couple of weeks to start to see improvement as body gets used to new medication/dose and can get worse first so fingers crossed your mum starts feeling an improvement soon 🤞
🤗🤗🤗
Hopefully for both of our Mums the change of meds will work. Hugs back 🤗
 
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Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,943
South East
It’s so very difficult , most of the time Mum doesn’t seem too upset but then there are times she just cries , she generally takes herself off to bed if she feels really confused ,l am keeping a track as I think she will need an increase in hers soon . I would hope that they don’t ring you too often , isn’t your responsibility to calm her after all . Sending more hugs too 🤗 🤗 💕
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
It is a good idea to keep track of changes. I sometimes think that ‘bad’ days remain in our memories longer than good days or maybe it is my personality. Looking back a quick note about the days brings a better or worse perspective over the longer term - not sure if that makes sense but I know what I mean 😉
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,943
South East
It does make sense and it’s a good idea , I have not wrote so frequently on thread as most day’s seem the same , there is rarely anything new or different to add .
 

Trekker

Registered User
Jun 18, 2019
213
London
Yes, Mummy developed a passion for carrot (or indeed any) cake, and would announce loudly "they are so FAT" at random people. I wonder how we never got arrested sometimes...
What is the obsession with how fat people are? Feel so sorry for any care staff who are not skinny and who are constantly told by PWD that they are fat/ have a big bottom. My mum’s favourite observation, at volume, of others, despite have a very large one herself 😂
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
@Woo2 - do you still have a calendar on the wall? Different scenario but I would just take a moment last thing at night to put a :) or:( . If it was an ok day I would just leave it blank. It built up a simple pattern to see easily.
so I wasn’t going to ring Mum this morning after yesterday but decided to. She was down and a few tears and not very understandable. Then at 1.50pm I get a phone call from Mum - the cleaner was in Mum’s room and Mum had asked her to ring me. cleaner told me Mum was in bed and had had her lunch there. Mum was really happy and bright and when I said you must be ‘lady muck’ staying in bed and having your lunch served there she just laughed. Unfortunately I had to tell her I had to go because I had a work phone call (was having a zoom call at 2pm with a good friend who is in South Africa) she said that ok but could we please meet up before Christmas. I said of course!
I am not sure that staff at the C.H should really be ‘letting’ Mum have her lunch in bed when she is not ill. In her room if she does not want to be sociable maybe.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,706
Bedford
What is the obsession with how fat people are? Feel so sorry for any care staff who are not skinny and who are constantly told by PWD that they are fat/ have a big bottom. My mum’s favourite observation, at volume, of others, despite have a very large one herself 😂
Oh yes my Mum is the same. She also did it in the Doctors waiting room and I thought the lady Mum was referring to was going to come and thump Mum. Fortunately the lady was called in by her Dr.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,761
Yorkshire
My mum is the same with commenting if people are fat too @Trekker. My neighbour was the same and she had dementia too, I think it must be fairly common from what I have read on here. I didn't know this at the time but once we were sat together on bus and a girl got on, my neighbour said in a rather loud voice something like, I used to like her but then she got fat. :eek: Thinking back she also not long before that asked me if the fat girl who came the day before was hubbys sister :oops:
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,761
Yorkshire
Glad your mum was brighter on the second call @Bikerbeth, maybe the lunch in her room made her feel pampered and cheered her up, though as you say maybe not best thing to do too often.
 

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