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Sugar in her coffee

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
727
Yorkshire
Oh that sounds awful poor mum and poor you, I bet you feel wiped out. I feel so helpless when mum is scared and upset and I can't make it better. It sounds like you did keep reassuring mum and calming her even though it came back later she did have some relief from the paranoia thanks to you and the carers. It's just so cruel though isn't it. How and why does someones brain come up with such things to upset them? it's not fair. I hope your mums paranoia goes and her mind gets a rest soon and you too X
Mum has had a few bruises and marks she thinks are burst blood vessels that sort of look like a bruise on the back of her hands in the last few months, she thinks she has banged them against door frames and bumped them in cupboard doors when doing things but is never too sure exactly what she did, it's hard when they can't remember what happened to tell us isn't it. I hope you and mum have a happier time of it soon X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
thank you @annielou. Thinking back now. The care home activities coordinator takes loads of photos of the residents. We had originally refused permission for them to be posted on social media sites etc. However I have now agreed to FB as I realised the benefits of seeing what she was doing.
Today when we were sitting in the garden centre car park I started showing her the photos of her with the PAT dog and at a cake decorating session and pictures of some of the other residents. I like to think that Mum then had enough to see that she did have happy times in the home or maybe it just distracted her enough.
It was horrible though when she was crying and begging me to take home (as in her old bungalow)
 

rmabo

Registered User
May 19, 2019
25
Sweet tooth is a scientifically, proven symptom of mid-stage dementia. Perfectly 'normal' if you will.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
So arrived today to find Mum’s room half packed up and a not very happy Mum. She thought she was going somewhere but not sure where. Then she said as we were off to a special event but she was not sure what she should be wearing. I said that as it was all wet and windy outside we couldn’t go anywhere. However I did need some help with a bundle of old photos I had found. So we headed down to the cafe area and went through the photos. The black and white ones she had no problems remembering but the newer ones she struggled with. We had a break by going to visit a few other friends on another floor (non dementia). Unless I am there though she really struggles. Mum is so aware that her speech is going and that she is struggling to find the right words more and more. I have noticed it too as I am finding it harder to guess what she wants to say. It’s another one of those moments that hurts both of us. Mum was still saying she was frightened as she had heard that the staff were spraying people with dirty water and that someone had had their finger chopped off.
Over the last 6 months I have tended to give Mum a choice between one or 2 things and she had found that manageable. The last few days whether it was what to have for lunch or what to do, she has started saying ‘whatever you think best’. I think I will have to take a different approach now and say ‘do you want coffee?’ and only mention tea if she says no to coffee.
I have also asked for Mum to be checked out for a UTI in case that is creating the delusions
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
727
Yorkshire
Sorry it wasn't a good day again today X The photo sorting sounds like it was a good distraction. My sister shows mum photos of her grandson a lot when she comes down and sometimes so do I via my nieces posts on instagram and it does help cheer her up. A UTI check sounds a good idea in case that causing mums delusions, reading your posts it seems like she has had a few recently, I hope its a temporary thing and not a permanent decline (X) hugs
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,002
Sorry to hear about your mum yesterday @Bikerbeth. Do you think your mum is getting confused about things she's seen on the TV and thinks they've happened in real life?
My mum still talks a lot, but it doesn't make a great deal of sense anymore. She keeps on going on about the sister that I don't have.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
Sorry to hear about your mum yesterday @Bikerbeth. Do you think your mum is getting confused about things she's seen on the TV and thinks they've happened in real life?
My mum still talks a lot, but it doesn't make a great deal of sense anymore. She keeps on going on about the sister that I don't have.
I think some may well becoming from the television because I had a couple of weeks where ‘they were all be evacuated due to the virus that started in Birmingham’. I think some times she listens into other people’s conversation and gets half a story and then she creates the rest. Today she rang me up to say she can only stay tonight in the hospital but then she needed to leave but she didn’t have any money for a taxi home. I just said I will be over tomorrow and we will sort it out then. Staff still unable to get a sample for testing.
I do not think it will be a good visit tomorrow so planning to leave by lunch but you never know.....
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,137
I hope today's visit was better?

We had a break by going to visit a few other friends on another floor (non dementia). Unless I am there though she really struggles. Mum is so aware that her speech is going and that she is struggling to find the right words more and more. I have noticed it too as I am finding it harder to guess what she wants to say. It’s another one of those moments that hurts both of us.
My mother's speech was very muddled even before she moved to the CH, although at that point I could guess what she meant. But it has deteriorated hugely in the past two years and I can rarely guess now. However it doesn't bother her, because she doesn't have to 'put on a show' or cover it up, because all the other residents have similar problems, and the carers understand and don't react negatively. You may find your mother becomes more comfortable mingling with the dementia wing residents, rather than non-dementia, as time goes on.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
@Sirena i think you are absolutely right as time goes on Mum will be happier remaining in her area. At the moment I have a great big GM sitting in my shoulder. I had found 2 CH that I had wanted Mum to go to as they both had early/mid area then mid/late area. I thought that was a better system but they did not have a vacancy when Mum was no longer safe at home. I know I have a bias but the other residents on her floor are all late and that is why the staff also encourage Mum to go and socialise in the other area.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
Today was a little better thank you @Woohoo. After chasing again I managed to get Mum tested and she was given the all clear. Mum had packed as many things into a carrier bag and put the rest of her things on her bed in piles with her bras secured round them. She was stoney faced in the lounge when I arrived and she told me the staff had told her to sit there until I arrived. She had waited 2 hours and hoped that we could head home very soon. I am afraid I just said that I was sorry she had been sat there a long time but unfortunately she was not going home because the DR said she needed to stay there for at least 6 months as she was not well enough to go home. Got 2 coffees and said we would put her things away and then we could go out to the parkland she likes. No paranoia today just more muddled than normal. She did enjoy the walk and she seemed quite happy walking round the supermarket so I could get a few items.
I spoke to both the nurse and the Manager as to whether they thought her medicines should be adjusted for the anxiety and because she had been so frightened over the last few days. However I was told that I could mention to the Doctor but they thought that 3 days of paranoia followed by some confused days and then back to Mum’s ‘normal’ level was ok. It made me feel that I was being a troublesome over anxious daughter who was being naive It just not seem right although of course there is nothing right about Alzheimers.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
727
Yorkshire
Glad to hear mums visit was a little better today but a shame she hadn't forgotten about leaving. What you said was a good answer, I hope it continues to work.
Its good she hasn't got a UTI but not good that she is more muddled with no obvious reason, just possibly another stage of her alzheimers.
Don't feel bad about asking about adjusting medication, you're being a caring daughter and your mum wouldn't think to ask so you have to do it for her. One of the support workers from mums memory clinic said if you want to ask anything just ask, there's no silly questions and don't worry about seeming over anxious thats what we are there for. Mind you I do always feel a bit like that whenever I ask anything though so I get where you're coming from, but we shouldn't really should we. Hope it doesn't put you off asking them about it again if things don't go back to your mums normal soon as it doesn't sound like she is there yet. I hope she is less frightened and less confused soon X
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,128
South East
That’s a shame you feel that way , I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to feel that way just that they would look at it after a significant time . You have only your mums best interests at heart, I would still enquire and actively seek advice and information from them . Mum unpacks her drawers almost daily , I try and catch her before and distract but it’s nigh on impossible , straight in her room and out it all comes. She has been extra confused yesterday and today , I could say it’s her cough and cold but she has weeks where there is a downturn for a couple of days and then she picks up again, not always to where she was . Glad your visit was a little better . Please don’t worry about caring and asking those questions , they are usually pleased that you take an interest and seek their advice from my experience .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
That’s a shame you feel that way , I’m sure they wouldn’t want you to feel that way just that they would look at it after a significant time . You have only your mums best interests at heart, I would still enquire and actively seek advice and information from them . Mum unpacks her drawers almost daily , I try and catch her before and distract but it’s nigh on impossible , straight in her room and out it all comes. She has been extra confused yesterday and today , I could say it’s her cough and cold but she has weeks where there is a downturn for a couple of days and then she picks up again, not always to where she was . Glad your visit was a little better . Please don’t worry about caring and asking those questions , they are usually pleased that you take an interest and seek their advice from my experience .
Thanks for your reassurance and mentioning that your Mum will have a downturn for a few days then pick up again. It does help to know that. I guess I should look at the positive side that when she puts all her clothes on the bed I can check easily what needs washing :rolleyes:
I hope that your Mum picks up again soon and gets rid of the cough and cold. Sorry to hear that you did not get your ‘break’ today either.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
Thank you @annielou for sharing. She was at least less frightened today, however I did hide a newspaper that was lying around that had headlines about the coronavirus creating mayhem. I don’t want Mum to go back to that loop
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,128
South East
Thanks for your reassurance and mentioning that your Mum will have a downturn for a few days then pick up again. It does help to know that. I guess I should look at the positive side that when she puts all her clothes on the bed I can check easily what needs washing :rolleyes:
I hope that your Mum picks up again soon and gets rid of the cough and cold. Sorry to hear that you did not get your ‘break’ today either.
yes it helps to look for the positives , sometimes the search is longer and harder than others but I may try that approach in a while when there are piles of clothes out 🤣 thanks . X
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,137
I remember there were a couple of other CHs which you would have preferred but they weren't available at the right time. You can of course put you mum on the list for one of them, but it's hard to know whether a different CH would be better for her, against her being familiar with the current place. Look at this this way - you could have moved her to one of the other CHs and still feel it wasn't quite right.

I spoke to both the nurse and the Manager as to whether they thought her medicines should be adjusted for the anxiety and because she had been so frightened over the last few days. However I was told that I could mention to the Doctor but they thought that 3 days of paranoia followed by some confused days and then back to Mum’s ‘normal’ level was ok. It made me feel that I was being a troublesome over anxious daughter who was being naive It just not seem right although of course there is nothing right about Alzheimers.
It may not have felt like it, but I think the Manager and nurse were trying to make you feel better about it reassuring you that this is a normal range of behaviour, and there is no need for concern. It is good news they are unphased and absolutely prepared to deal with it. Do you feel your mother has a good relationship with the staff - bearing in mind nowhere will be able to keep her happy all the time?
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
Thank you @Sirena for being a voice of reason. It is really helpful. I think if Mum had gone to one of the other CH we would have had different issues. One of the big pluses at the moment is, that as they are new, other staff have time to take Mum out- so the admin staff may for example take her out to the post office with them. They know she likes going out and do try and take her out of the building on errands. One of the receptionists has a dog and will take Mum out when she walks her dog at lunchtime some days. I am sure this would not be possible in a CH running at full capacity. Generally Mum does like most of the Carers and has 2 favourites. She does not like the Manager (mainly because she blames the Manager for her not being able to just leave the building) and one of the nurses. So that is all good. I guess part of it is me - I like to be in control and all of this is beyond my control and you heap in the emotions too and I just get so frustrated.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,137
That is a good point that another care home would probably just have different issues which you (and your mum) might find equally problematic.

To me it sounds really good, the fact the staff take her out for walks and on errands is lovely, they have got to know her and are treating her as an individual which I think is the most important thing. But nowhere is perfect, and your mother will probably always make complaints.

I found that when you're dealing with someone with dementia, you always think you're doing the wrong thing - and not enough of it. You just have to believe you've done your best.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
944
Bedford
That is a good point that another care home would probably just have different issues which you (and your mum) might find equally problematic.

To me it sounds really good, the fact the staff take her out for walks and on errands is lovely, they have got to know her and are treating her as an individual which I think is the most important thing. But nowhere is perfect, and your mother will probably always make complaints.

I found that when you're dealing with someone with dementia, you always think you're doing the wrong thing - and not enough of it. You just have to believe you've done your best.
Thanks again