• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Sugar in her coffee

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
Thanks @annielou for the Wilko link too. I will go and look tomorrow. Today we went back to Mum’s bungalow to check all is ok there. We also collected some of her ornaments to see if she wants to have some in her room. As Mum knows she is not returning there I would rather we just get it sold. However brother thinks maybe we should rent it out. I asked him if he was going to arrange it all as even fully managed means decisions and paperwork and tax man. We will need to decide soon though. It just seems to be dragging it all out and it’s another job for me to do (and due to distance another day out of my week each fortnight). Sorry to go on. It was not helped by the fact there had been a burglary across the road and the padlock on Mum’s gate had been broken so someone had been snooping around.
That must have been unsettling seeing gate broken x
I can see ypur point about renting, it still means a certain amount of work doesnt it even with managers there is still dealing with managers etc and worrying about people damaging it. Todays trip must have added the worry of burglary too. Maybe if brothers is going to be one who organises/ liases with managers and deals with all extras to do with renting like accounting tax etc and you don't have to get involved then it might not be a bad idea. But as your mum will not be living there again unless theres other big benefits it doesnt seem a reason to hang in to it Maybe he is not ready to see mums house sold yet though. I hope you get it sorted in a way that doesnt mean any extra work or stress for you x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Arrived to see Mum this morning and she was just finishing her breakfast. She stood up and almost ran to me and gave me a big hug and said that she was so pleased to see me. Poor Mum was all in a tizzy about the virus as she had read it in the Birmingham Post (not sure if that newspaper still exists) and she was really concerned that it had arrived at the CH via Birmingham and nobody would tell her anything but the staff had told the residents on the ground floor but wouldn’t tell them on the 2nd floor. So I gave her a very simplified version which she seemed to understand and accept and said that the staff probably should have told her a little bit more but that they were probably worried that she might be more frightened. She then said she was concerned because she hadn’t had an injection like the others. I said she didn’t need one as she had an flu injection before Christmas. No more mention afterwards. Horrible though to see her genuinely so frightened.
So off we went to buy a duvet cover (take 2) So Mum saw 2 she liked and then she saw a 3rd one and that was the one she definitely wanted. I told her it was the same as the one she has but if she wanted 2 the same that was fine. So once purchased we headed off to have some lunch and a walk round the lake. Arrived back at CH and took duvet cover up to room. Mum promptly decided she did not like the one already on the bed and there was no point in having another one she did not like. I think this could become a weekly event but at least they have a nice coffee shop.
On the lovely side the Activities coordinator said Mum and another lady had really enjoyed a morning out at ‘Music for Memories and showed me a photo. My OH, although not at that event, volunteers for the same charity that runs it. One of the other volunteers also told him how much Mum had appeared to enjoy it and had joined in. Brought a tear to my eye knowing that Mum still has some happy times
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
An ok visit with Mum today. She is still concerned about the coronavirus and her not getting an injection when everyone else did. Reassured her again.
Mum has always been well dressed but she has taken to wearing some black pyjama trousers round the CH with smart tops. I don’t really have an issue with this although she never would have done it in her own bungalow. However I am finding it harder and harder to get her to wear some proper trousers if we go out. Today I suggested that she put some thicker trousers on due to the weather being cold. This was my main reason but also because she would never have gone out like this before and would have been mortified if she had seen herself. Her proper trousers have a part elastic waist and appear to fit ok. She got a bit upset as she thought I was implying that she could not dress herself properly although I reiterated that it was because it was cold. I don’t know whether to give up and let it go.
Fortunately we did have a nice walk round the block for 45 mins.
CH are going to put a shelf up for some of her ‘nik naks’ so it makes it more homely for her. ‘Nik naks’ duly labelled but nothing of great value.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
I wouldn't know what to do about the pyjama trousers either, does she just wear them in the day or for bed too? Is she changing into them on a morning or forgetting to change into trousers and leaving them on do you think.
Its hard to leave them to it when you know old mum wouldn't have done that in a million years isn't it. I know people say this is a new mum we have to get used to and not judge by old mums standards but I find that hard, especially when my mum has times when she still judges others by her old standards.
Mum will wear her trousers and cardigans a couple of times but now forgets how many times she has already wore them and so most of the time will think that its first time she has had them on. She was doing this a lot before I stayed with her and when I stayed with her she would still do it but would often check with me if outfit ok before going in bathroom so I would tell her that needs washing mum. She used to get quite grumpy about it and we did have a good few heated discussions at times but mainly she would take my word for it. Now I'm coming home on a night again she is starting to do it again and also she keeps forgetting to wash her hair.
I used to have to tell her what day to wash her hair when I was there even though she has been doing it mainly on the same days for years. Mums hair luckily doesnt tend to get greasy and she only used to wash it twice a week but she keeps forgetting now I'm not there to remind her. Last week and this week she went 6 days.
She also had the same trousers on round the house 3 days last week and had put them on again on Tuesday when I went. She swore they were fresh on but I know they had not been washed over the weekend. Also they were her 'knock about trousers' as she calls old things she only wears round the house, and we were supposed to be going out but she was planning to wear them. Previously she wouldn't have gone out in public in them.
Luckily she spotted a blob of chocolate on them so changed them anyway. Though she did say that proved they were clean on that morning as that would be biscuit from her breakfast, except she has her breakfast before she goes in shower and gets dressed and I know she had done that morning as she was still in night things and said she'd just finished her tea and biscuits when I'd rung, but I was pleased she was changing out of them anyway so didn't say.
SW told us on one of visits if mum decides not to shower and have a wash instead, or not to get changed one day, or leave her hair wash for another day, it doesn't matter. But its not a choice, mum means to do it she just forgets and in her clearer moments asks me to tell her that she needs to wash hair or shower or change and is still horrified at thought of being unclean and untidy but when she forgets to do it she often gets angry as doesnt think she has forgot or if does remember she is probably embarrassed so tries to cover up.
Sis said SW probably knows its not a choice but was trying to play it down to keep mum on side and in mood to chat and maybe she was, but the next day when she was putting same trousers on for third time and sis tried to tell her gently she said well SW says I can if I want to. Of all the things to remember lol
Anyway sorry for the ramble and no helpful suggestions, but what I meant to say is ts hard to know what to do for best isn't it . Hugs (X)
 

reedysue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,807
Scotland
I bought my mum several pairs of pull-on black fleece trousers from Damart, they are lovely and warm and look quite smart too.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Hi @annielou - I think she changes in to them. I need to check with the Carers. So much of what you said regarding your Mum and clothes is the same as my Mum. The same with the washing hair. Fortunately now being in the CH I know it is washed weekly and it makes Mum happy. It is amazing what is remembered sometimes especially the things you wish had been forgotten
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Thank you @DesperateofDevon and @reedysue for some good suggestions. I did wonder if Mum was struggling with zips. The pj bottoms do have buttons on as well as the elastic waist so currently buttons are not an issue. She does struggle with the zip on her waterproof coat though.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Thank you @DesperateofDevon and @reedysue for some good suggestions. I did wonder if Mum was struggling with zips. The pj bottoms do have buttons on as well as the elastic waist so currently buttons are not an issue. She does struggle with the zip on her waterproof coat though.
If it’s any consolation so does OH!
It’s the coordination & alignment issues - did find clothes for Dad with fake zips !
X
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
So I heard back from Mum’s old next door neighbour and friend down the road who visited Mum yesterday. Mum did remember them when they arrived and apparently they all had a lovely meal out at the pub up the road.
Carer told me today it was a shame as Mum had put her new dress on but then after breakfast she had changed out of it again. I light heartedly said to her ‘did you put your posh frock on yesterday to go out’ and she said she had put it on but as she had lost so much weight it didn’t fit her anymore. We brought it 2 weeks ago:rolleyes:. Then it turned into the fact that someone had spilt stuff all over her red suit.
Anyway she tried the dress on again and I took her to a long mirror down the corridor to show her that it was ok and she did agree. Then she ended up trying on some other clothes so that kept us busy for a while. As she was starting to become anxious about the coronavirus again with allegedly people being evacuated from the CH but nobody being told anything upstairs despite the fact that she kept asking I decided we need a change of scenery. Headed off to the cafe area for coffee and cake. One of the activity coordinators was there and she got me a set of her dominos where the different numbers are coloured differently. That really helped Mum and it did hold her attention until lunch. Whilst I was there fairly invisible brother sent text saying Mum had made no sense when he rang her this morning. I wonder how long it is since he has rang because she has been noticeably worse for the last 3 weeks especially if you try to speak to her on the phone. He says he rings every other day.
hope everyone has survived the storm in tact.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
So I heard back from Mum’s old next door neighbour and friend down the road who visited Mum yesterday. Mum did remember them when they arrived and apparently they all had a lovely meal out at the pub up the road.
Carer told me today it was a shame as Mum had put her new dress on but then after breakfast she had changed out of it again. I light heartedly said to her ‘did you put your posh frock on yesterday to go out’ and she said she had put it on but as she had lost so much weight it didn’t fit her anymore. We brought it 2 weeks ago:rolleyes:. Then it turned into the fact that someone had spilt stuff all over her red suit.
Anyway she tried the dress on again and I took her to a long mirror down the corridor to show her that it was ok and she did agree. Then she ended up trying on some other clothes so that kept us busy for a while. As she was starting to become anxious about the coronavirus again with allegedly people being evacuated from the CH but nobody being told anything upstairs despite the fact that she kept asking I decided we need a change of scenery. Headed off to the cafe area for coffee and cake. One of the activity coordinators was there and she got me a set of her dominos where the different numbers are coloured differently. That really helped Mum and it did hold her attention until lunch. Whilst I was there fairly invisible brother sent text saying Mum had made no sense when he rang her this morning. I wonder how long it is since he has rang because she has been noticeably worse for the last 3 weeks especially if you try to speak to her on the phone. He says he rings every other day.
hope everyone has survived the storm in tact.
Shame about mums new dress, I bet your old mum would have revelled in going out for lunch in a new dress too, there really is no figuring out the way dementia affects the thoughts is there, good that she remembered neighbours and had a good outing though.
Also a shame about the coronavirus worry coming back again today, I bet its hard to avoid too as its all over the news and papers. Mum can get panicked by things she has seen and then as she worries she seems to come up with extra bits that she thinks has happened that haven't, like your mum thinking others been vaccinated but she hasnt.
There is a new ad at mo about testing smoke alarms which shows things like someone leaving a cloth next to gas ring, vase falling over onto a candle, overloaded extension cable which start fires and first few times mum saw it she was worried her smoke alarms didnt work, or that she didn't have any, and then that the landlord had taken them out. I dread it coming on and scared mum will keep worrying about it. At least a couple of times a day in the week when we're watching daytime tele mum sees the funeral and life insurance ads and then she asks who she is with, and then starts worrying if they are still taking her money cos nobodys been to colllect it and shes not seen anything from them, and if her kids know who she's with for when they need it.
These things are a worry in everyday day life for a lot of us when we hear about them, but for people with dementia and other illnesses that affect peoples thought processes and reasoning I bet it can be really difficult if they latch on to them. x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
So Monday was a good visit. We headed off to a small nature reserve. It was all windy of course due to the end of the storm but as it was heathland and therefore sandy we did not end up with muddy shoes (must remember to put a cloth in car for wiping shoes). We went into the nearby town for the standard coffee and cake. A bit of a struggle to leave as she wanted to come out to the car to say goodbye. My fault for leaving after lunch.
Due to beginning the installation of a new log burner and surround etc I did not visit again until yesterday. Made big mistake, as i usually get to the CH before 10am I rang to ask them to let Mum know that I would be later about 11.30. However I miscalculated and arrived at 12.30. Both Carers let me know that Mum has been pacing and asking them where I was every 10 minutes from 11.30. Lesson learnt always advise later time and turn up earlier. Mum had refused to join in activity as I was coming. So Mum showed her displeasure by being really grump even though I tried to explain why I was late and apologised. I know the grump was only due to disappointment and as she said she felt I was not going and had abandoned her. So sat and chatted until lunch was served. After lunch after finding all the ‘usual’ missing items we walked into nearby town - again usual coffee and cake. Headed back and she was friends again with me. Managed to get a few laughs with her when we got back. Decided we were going to start a rebellion in the care home about the fish tank there which had her giggling. Fortunately virus talk seems to have gone but we did have a small incidence of ‘your whispering about me again’ and tears. I was just advising staff about Mum’s optician appointment which I had just made with Mum sat next to me. I think she did not hear me when I told her I was going to tell staff.
Log burner being installed today - hurrah- but then need to decorate lounge. All because the old sofa broke and we needed to buy a new one, which meant redecorating before it arrives, which meant we needed to get the log burner and fire place done........:rolleyes:
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Went for a walk out of the village and across the fields. Walking across one field and trying to work out what was further ahead. It looked like a small boat with sail which was rather strange as we are not in coastal area or near lakes. Turns out as I got closer to be one of those trampolines with netting round all broken and twisted. Certainly well blown around as it must have been at least 1/2 mile from nearest houses.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
Sounds like the trampoline had travelled a fair way, it may go even further in next few day :eek: We lost our side gate to storm ciara last sunday and are hoping dennis is kinder to us this weekend.🤞
Sounds like yesterdays visit got better as the day went on, mum does the 'are you whispering about me again' thing too. She used to get really angry and aggressive about it but the last few weeks not as much, but if she does she is more upset than angry now and usually gets over it quicker now to. It still makes me feel guilty though, even when like you, I've told her going to talk about it with someone. Hope the virus worry has gone for good 🤞
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
@annielou I hope Dennis is kinder to you this weekend. I hope the side gate can be repaired or replaced easily but it is another thing you could have done without.
 
Last edited:

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
Me too, hubby has been calling it Derek instead of Dennis all week so I'm hoping Dennis doesn't take offence and actually take a fence lol;)😁:rolleyes:
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
So phone call from CH this morning at 7.45am asking if I could speak to Mum as she had been crying intensely for 30 mins and just wanted to speak to me. Mum is an early riser and unfortunately she got up hearing a noise and went to investigate. Unfortunately one of the less mobile residents had got up and had a fall and Mum saw the paramedics etc there before the other resident went off to be fully checked at the hospital. This situation then got confused into her current ‘loop’ of everyone leaving and she did not know how she would get any food because there would be no one there and she could not remember how to cook. It took quite a while to calm her down. OH is good at getting her to laugh so I put him on the phone to her once she was calmer and he did get a little laugh from her.
I was going over to see her anyway today, however when I arrived she was still stuck in the ‘loop’ of everyone leaving/ moving but not her and nobody would tell her anything. We did have a giggle though - one of the other residents B (male) asked for a Carer to help him and Carer said she would come in ‘just a minute’. He then started mimicking her and another residents J started giggling so he started again which made me giggle too and eventually with J and myself giggling ,as B kept up the mimics, Mum did manage a smile.
went to Mum’s room where she had half packed up her stuff as she said she was moving but didn’t know where. I said she was not moving and as she had just finished breakfast she needed to clean her teeth before we went out. ‘Stuff’ unpacked and put away before she had finished cleaning her teeth.
Took Mum to see a British wildlife Photography exhibition at a nearby small museum type place and she seemed to enjoy looking at the photos and made some comments about them. Then we headed to the cafe there. Unfortunately the ‘loop’ came back - everyone was moving, nobody is telling me anything, where am I going to sleep tonight. Although she did manage to eat the Danish pastry.
Too wet and windy to go walking outside so I took her to an indoor shopping complex not too far away. We did need to get some birthday cards and she did have a giggle at some of the funny cards. However as soon as we sat down to have some lunch we went back to the loop. Got a few more odds and ends and headed back to the CH.
Although Mum was quite chatty with another resident’s family in the cafe downstairs, once we headed upstairs she became very confused again (sundowning definitely) - she couldn’t remember where her room was or where she was going to have her breakfast. Fortunately one of her favourite Carers was working today and she took Mum on a ‘tour of the floor’ and explained where everything was and where breakfast would be served. Mum seemed fairly happy for me to leave then as she settled with the Carer.
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,080
Yorkshire
Oh dear that sounds like a tough day for you and mum. Such a shame she was upset, its so hard to see isnt it. It sounds like you did your best to make her feel better and succeeded quite a lot too x
Hopefully she will have been reassured by the carer she liked being there and not having left too and the tour will hopefully have reassured her things are still the same. Hope the injured resident is ok and back soon too x
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,187
Bedford
Needed a break from here for a few days and read some fiction instead.
Due to an issue with a ‘banging pipe’ in her room Mum had slept in an empty room near the nurses station. She said she preferred it as it was bigger and lighter (it was exactly the same as her room but mirror image) As she had mentioned wanting to move rooms before I asked if she wanted to move into this one permanently and she said Yes. Fortunately it was free so Monday afternoon we moved all her possessions into the new room. She was happy with this. We did get told off by one of the other residents as she thought we were stealing stuff. Carers said she was a little confused on Tuesday but mainly due to where she had put various items in the room. When I went to visit Wednesday she was still fortunately happy with the new room and she wanted to go out and get a new duvet cover to match her new room. So off we trundled and even better she thought they both looked really good in her new room. Had lunch with 2 ladies (non dementia) in the main restaurant and Mum was on good form. Happy smiling Mum.
Big change today. Arrived as Mum was finishing her breakfast and I could tell she was agitated as she was glancing around furtively. She also had 2 big bruises on her hand which the carer said were not there yesterday and there were no notes from the night staff but she would check at this evenings handover. Went to Mum’s room with her and she started telling me that the staff had come in at 2am and rubbed stuff on her feet. Then she was saying that they told her they had brought a blanket to put over her husband’s feet and she thought that was really wicked of them as he had been dead for 20 years and they knew that. Then she was crying and saying she wanted to drown herself. Once she calmed a little I suggested we go out so I thought she should have a shower and get changed. She said she had had a shower but I said in that case she needed her slippers washed as she had really smelly feet. She did giggle and reluctantly had a shower. Hurrah I think the first Shower in a few days. We headed out to a nearby country park that we had not been to before, but suddenly like a switch being turned the paranoia kicked in. Where are you taking me? Someone is trying to hurt me. Why are we going down this lane? Etc etc. I said if I am scaring you I will take you back to the home. At this point she said she knew I loved her and would not hurt her but somebody was and she was scared. Managed to drive to a garden centre that Mum is familiar with. I let her talk and cry it all out of her system. Much calmer we managed to have a sandwich and cake there and she happily chatted away. Headed back to the care home and had some more tea in the reception/cafe area watching the visitors come and go and she seemed settled again. Mum then wanted to go for a walk so we just went for a short one but when we got back to her room the paranoia came back but not as strong. Fortunately one of the Carers came to take her off for tea. Hopefully the bacon buttie she ordered might have cheered her up again. Must admit I feel exhausted today.
 
Last edited:

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,498
Messages
1,675,079
Members
65,535
Latest member
A C