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Sugar in her coffee

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,849
Thank you for caring. I did not think I was but funny enough OH said exactly the same to me today. I read what others are going through on here and think I have it incredibly easy so don’t see why I should be worn out.
However did have a lovely day out in London. Went for a wander round the Science Museum and then went to see Cirque du Soleil - Luzia at the Royal Albert Hall. Absolutely incredible - the acrobatics were fantastic and the contortionist was amazing. A real treat. I have been wanting to see them for years.
A day in the science museum. That would be pure joy. I must make a date for that.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
Went to visit Mum today. I Asked her if she wanted to go to the shops and choose a new quilt cover or whether she wanted another one the same as she already has. This was a cover she choose last Summer that we took down to the CH with her to make her room more familiar. Her answer was that it was not hers and no way would she have ever chosen anything so awful :(
So changing subject I suggested a walk outside in the fresh air which always cheers her up. 2.5 miles later we walked back into the CH and had a well deserved treat of coffee and cake.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
1,621
North West
Went to visit Mum today. I Asked her if she wanted to go to the shops and choose a new quilt cover or whether she wanted another one the same as she already has. This was a cover she choose last Summer that we took down to the CH with her to make her room more familiar. Her answer was that it was not hers and no way would she have ever chosen anything so awful :(
So changing subject I suggested a walk outside in the fresh air which always cheers her up. 2.5 miles later we walked back into the CH and had a well deserved treat of coffee and cake.
Oh @Bikerbeth I don't think you can ever go wrong with coffee or tea and cake ;).
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Thank you for caring. I did not think I was but funny enough OH said exactly the same to me today. I read what others are going through on here and think I have it incredibly easy so don’t see why I should be worn out.
However did have a lovely day out in London. Went for a wander round the Science Museum and then went to see Cirque du Soleil - Luzia at the Royal Albert Hall. Absolutely incredible - the acrobatics were fantastic and the contortionist was amazing. A real treat. I have been wanting to see them for years.
Oh I’m jealous! what a lovely day out
Xx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Went to visit Mum today. I Asked her if she wanted to go to the shops and choose a new quilt cover or whether she wanted another one the same as she already has. This was a cover she choose last Summer that we took down to the CH with her to make her room more familiar. Her answer was that it was not hers and no way would she have ever chosen anything so awful :(
So changing subject I suggested a walk outside in the fresh air which always cheers her up. 2.5 miles later we walked back into the CH and had a well deserved treat of coffee and cake.
I always went with Dads favourite likes- nature themed quilts !
God help my kids it’s Harry Potter or Finding nemo when it’s my time! with a bit of glitz & glitter!!!
xx
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
So Mum decided the other day that she desperately needed a new dress. So today we set off to the nearest major shopping centre. Generally Mum did really well and we got into a good routine of getting the dresses on and off to see what they looked on. However it was good that we got into that routine because Mum would forget which she had tried on :(. So in the last shop we had 4 dresses and all got tried on twice and then the 2 she liked a third time. So I said let’s go radical and buy both and surprisingly she agreed. So one dress that will be good for winter/spring and then one which is more summery and we got a sparkly beaded T-shirt top she like too. Add on an Italian meal with chocolate profiteroles for desert and I had one happy Mum. I may of course end up taking it all back next week when she changes her mind :rolleyes:. I was glad however to see her smile because on the drive there she was in tears because she misses her friends and doesn’t like the food still. Mind you the skirt she wore today suggested otherwise- will need to check with staff
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
I had kept Mum’s dresses and top with me to name tag. However I thought maybe best to wait until she saw them again. I don’t think she really recollected buying them. The summer dress she really liked on Monday she still likes and the ‘sparkly’ top was also approved again. However the winter dress was a big no as the hemline was too short (just above knees) so that will be going back to the shop. Mum was in a restless mood. I had been told the PAT dog was coming in so as Mum is a dog lover I thought it was worth waiting around for especially as it was a drizzly day. We saw the dog briefly as we headed down to the cafe area and I was told the dog would come back down to the area. So we got coffee and biscuits and I decided I would try and teach Mum how to play dominoes. She did really well and actually seemed to quite enjoy it so I will try that again. Unfortunately the dog ‘disappeared’. Mum was asking lots of questions as to how long had she been there, why was she there, why can’t she have a ticket to get out when even the little children can come and go as they please. I realised how anxious she was becoming when she started talking about the other Beth who was not me but had taken her leather playing cards and when she starts saying ‘be honest with me’ I was ok with the empathy but failed miserably with distraction but fortunately after a very long 20 minutes it was lunchtime. Left her to have lunch with her friend downstairs (only problem is Mum forgets they are friends until they start chatting again) I really did feel like I was escaping today.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
Feeling sad today. 11 years ago my 2nd partner died (non dementia related) at the age of 48.
I am full of cold and rang Mum this evening and on recognising my voice she started crying saying she thought I had fallen out with her and that was why I had not visited her. I spoke to her gently saying we had not fallen out and mentioned that we had been playing dominoes yesterday. She remembered then because she said Yes I won didn’t I? And I said yes you did. I said I would find her a big card which says ‘I love you’ she said she would like that. So sad to hear my confident Mum so scared and frightened. I spoke to the carer afterwards and asked if she knew what might had triggered it. She said they had had a bit of a birthday party for one of the other residents with a singer, tea and cakes and although they had had a good time including Mum a few had got a bit over stimulated and unsettled. Carer had been to see if she was alright after tea and had found Mum in tears saying I had not visited for 3 weeks and she must have upset me. Mum has a calendar in her room and I put my visits on there and what we did. Carer subtly used it to calm Mum and reassure her that I had been lots of times. I know Mum hates weekends at the CH but I dare not go with this cold. Still feel guilty though
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,735
Chester
I'm sorry you are feeling sad on the anniversary of your partner's death, but it is natural and normal.

Sounds good your mum remembered playing dominos with prompting. Until a year or so ago we played connect 4 with my mum, she was the only person who could beat my son - we think using strategy, so maybe an alternative to dominos.

Overstimulation is always an issue and if it is an event in the care home unavoidable, every chance your mum will have forgotten about being sad today.

When my mum first went into extra care she thought she hadn't seen me for ages, but then after she was settled she worked out she saw me every week. Every thing varies and you can't fix it, but the carers are on hand to calm her which wouldn't have happened when she was at home.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
Thanks @jugglingmum for the suggest of connect4 I have seen one lying around in one of the residents lounges so will give it ago. When I spoke to her this morning she is quite happy ‘tidying her room again’ and understands I can’t see her whilst I have the cold
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,013
Yorkshire
Yesterday must have been a tough day, a sad anniversary, mum being upset and a cold so not feeling well. (X) virtual hug for you x
Its hard to hear them upset and thinking not seen them or fallen out with them, mum does it a lot and I hate the thought she is upset especially as its not true. It sounds like you handled it well and its good to hear she sounds to have moved on today. I hope you got some sleep and your cold gets better soon x
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Feeling sad today. 11 years ago my 2nd partner died (non dementia related) at the age of 48.
I am full of cold and rang Mum this evening and on recognising my voice she started crying saying she thought I had fallen out with her and that was why I had not visited her. I spoke to her gently saying we had not fallen out and mentioned that we had been playing dominoes yesterday. She remembered then because she said Yes I won didn’t I? And I said yes you did. I said I would find her a big card which says ‘I love you’ she said she would like that. So sad to hear my confident Mum so scared and frightened. I spoke to the carer afterwards and asked if she knew what might had triggered it. She said they had had a bit of a birthday party for one of the other residents with a singer, tea and cakes and although they had had a good time including Mum a few had got a bit over stimulated and unsettled. Carer had been to see if she was alright after tea and had found Mum in tears saying I had not visited for 3 weeks and she must have upset me. Mum has a calendar in her room and I put my visits on there and what we did. Carer subtly used it to calm Mum and reassure her that I had been lots of times. I know Mum hates weekends at the CH but I dare not go with this cold. Still feel guilty though
Oh lovely, not an easy time. You need to wrap up warm & snuggle down & pamper yourself a little. Please don’t feel guilty for not going in, easy to say I know but you need to recharge & have time to process.

I think we all underestimate the quiet “ just being” with all the worries & stress.

chicken soup with a splash of sherry in it makes me feel better every time!
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
Hopefully you will start feeling a little better soon from your TLC, I have to say I have a very oniony garlicky soup base that can be added to that wards off most germs & sometimes folks!
Xx
Recipe pls........ cheated tonight used a ready made pasta sauce with chilli in it but I added some garlic in the hope that it sorts both of us out
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,735
Chester
There is some scientific evidence to support garlic warding off a cold.

And also the jewish chicken soup has been tested scientifically - I think you do need to boil up the carcass to get the necessary cure bit.

I have found manuka honey and echinacea to be effective at shortening a cold/virus quite often.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,125
Bedford
I use echinacea but unfortunately honey and myself do not like each other. The cold is on its way out Thankfully as I promised Mum I would visit her tomorrow. Mum had asked Carers to ring me today as she was adamant that someone had stolen her engagement ring. Carers had checked her inventory and knew she does not have it with her. They had tried to calm her, distract her but she was just so distraught and kept asking for me. We had a chat and I told her that the ring was safe and I would show her tomorrow and she calmed down. Basically it won’t fit over her knuckle joint so she can’t wear it anymore and wanted me to keep it safe but had obviously forgotten.
 

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