1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear all
    I may be a bit quiet for a while ,I'm not happy.
    Waiting for an OT next Tuesday
    Waiting for the SS ?
    Crossroads short of staff.
    Peg has become verbally agressive,contenious,and just plain bloody awkward.
    Decides to go to bed at 8 PM every night,I can't do anything right.
    Apart from all that I'm ok!
    Just another stage in the downslide I guess
    Day to Day tomorrow will be better

    every best wish to you all Norman
     
  2. storm

    storm Registered User

    Aug 10, 2004
    269
    notts
    Dear Norman,sorry to hear your so down,but remember your not alone and you know you do things right i can see in your eyes you are a kind and caring guy.We all have bad days and i dont know about you but i have some pretty bad thoughts to,but then lo and behold we pick our selfs up and start the battle again.I some times dont know were we get the strengh from its like i am a actoress in some terrible play and all this is not really happening,OOPS i am supposed to be cheering you up. Just keep hanging on in there chuck.
    big hug storm.
     
  3. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Oh Norm, so sorry things are tough for you. It's so hard, you love your Peg so very much, it is so obvious in your posts. But you must be exhausted, especially if Crossroads are not coming in. I had similar things, couldn't do a thing right, then she yelled at me and blacked my eye. What can we do to help? If you are stuck in without help it's hard to post I know, but please try, what ever the time, just putting your feelings down in words is a release. Are SS coming to reassess Peg? Is the OT for her? Wish you lived round the corner!Really hope tomorrow is easier. Lots of love, She. XX
     
  4. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    #4 Mjaqmac, Oct 6, 2004
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2004
    Norman, sorry you're having a bad time (worse than normal!).

    I'm sure Peg knows how incredibley blessed she is with a husband like you.

    You're a rock and a credit to yourself and your marriage. I know you're absolutely knackered, and hurt by her current behaviour but like my wee poem said, "you'll rise right up again like a phoenix through the ashes, like a rainbow through the rain", cause that's what you do Norman isn't it? And you seem to have it down to a fine art.

    Here's to smouldering feathers!

    Love and guts

    Magic.
     
  5. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Jesus, Magic, sometimes you say some unbearably moving and beautiful things.

    Chesca
     
  6. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    #6 Mjaqmac, Oct 7, 2004
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2004
    Thanks Chess. It's meant with a heart and half. Norman's a wee diamond, so are you, tongue lashings and all!
     
  7. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Naa. At least the ace of Hearts!
    Chesca
     
  8. Mjaqmac

    Mjaqmac Registered User

    Mar 13, 2004
    939
    Just not the Queen of Hearts purrlease!!!
     
  9. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Norman

    How do you find the right thing to say to the man who always seems to know the right thing to say.

    As a daughter, it's bad enough to take all that are the slings and arrows of the AD bow, but from watching Dad, in your situation, with Mum and his level of commitment I have a little experience of how distraught you must be feeling. I can only repeat to you Dad's mantra: it's not her, it's the illness - similar to your good advice of day to day. Small change when all you want to do is catch the first bus out of town.

    It's a tough call, though, when all you're hearing is vitriol from someone to whom you are giving your all, emotionally exhausting, and the mega pits when all the support networks are seemingly out of action at the same time.

    The fairies are going to have to do a little overtime and don't forget that there are a couple of us on contract to TP (we hide our wings to avoid the wet weather). Just keep it under your pixie hat.

    Lots of love and happy cussin'
    Chesca
     
  10. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Shufflin the deck

    OK, then, diamonds. Norman is the King of Diamonds.....and you can be Queen, dilly dilly.....I can feel a song coming on...Bazza!!

    Snap
    Chesca
     
  11. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    Hi Norman

    its at times like these that we wish we could pop around to yours for a cup of tea and a hug. Words aren't enough.

    Chin up, its another day today and it will be another one tomorrow.

    Kriss
     
  12. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Norman

    okay, so I usually say "don't remember them as they were - be with them as they are now".

    Rules are there to be broken and this seems to me to be a time when you need to hold on to the past, so pick a memory of Peg. At the same time, don your safety helmet and groin protector and join Peg in her fight against the major enemy, Alzheimer's.

    You can be sure that she IS fighting it, and it is taking all her strength. If she appears aggressive to you then it is in the same way that happens if one tries to intervene in a fight involving two other people: you may catch some of the wilder punches! They are not meant for you.

    Also, I'm sure that we sometimes appear to get in the way when our loved ones are fighting their fight. How can they tell us to step aside lest they are distracted and Alzheimer's wins another small victory? Well, they need something that will stop us in our tracks - verbal abuse does that, and sometimes it takes a shove as well. That doesn't mean they don't love us anymore, in fact it is BECAUSE they love us and want to maximise those moments of clarity that they do it.

    If Peg appears awkward than there is probably a factor that you don't appreciate and that she can't communicate to you. She is not being awkward to spite you.

    All of which doesn't help YOU in coping, but it is helpful to try and appreciate what may lay behind all these behaviours. I'm only supposing, of course, but I have found that anything - even if I'm wrong - that helps me get through the next second, minute, hour, etc is worth it.

    Best wishes!
     
  13. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Norman,

    As my father seems to be having a current spate of afternoon verbal abuse sessions aimed in my direction, then I can very much empathise with your plight right now.

    He's somehow just become much more aware of the fact that he is losing his memory and the anger and abuse are fuelled by his frustration and anxiety. Dad has always been an extremely 'controlled' person and the knowledge that he is losing control must be very frightening for him.

    Having said that, it doesn't make it any easier to bear the brunt of his rages. I can only try and hang on to the fact that I know what's behind it, although this doesn't make it easier to bear or less hurtful.

    Hope today will be better for you too.

    Jude xx
     
  14. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Dear Norman

    Thinking of you. Come back as soon as you are ready - we do miss you.

    Gangsa good wishes
    Chesca
    xxx
     
  15. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    To all you lovely people
    Thank you all so much for your concern,it's like belonging to a big caring family.It is a big caring family!
    Today has been good almost normal,you know when we think we have got it wrong and there is nothing wrong,no AD,what the hell was I moaning about? Wrong of course.
    I was right ,day by day and today has been better.
    I wish that we all lived nearer to each other,they say that you can choose your friends but you are stuck with your relatives,if they don't vanish!
    Sorry to have been a moaner but that was one of the worst weeks that I have endured.
    Love to you all
    Norman
     
  16. Chesca

    Chesca Guest

    Dear Norman

    Thank the lord you're here! I can't tell you how concerned me and others have been.

    Since when where you a 'moaner'? Things must have been pretty grim these last few days (if not a lot of the other days that you soldier -should that be sail- through). Yes, we on TP are a family and you as one of its patriarchs are very much part of my family and a more-than-welcome addition to me and mine. I never forget how you lifted me from a dark place; please don;t go to that dark place on your own if you can help it.

    So, so glad to hear from you
    With much love
    Chesca
    xxx
     
  17. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi Norm, so glad today has been better. Funny how we get those thoughts on nothing being wrong, guess it's a fairly common reaction judging by what we all say. You are so full of good advice Norm, you are no moaner, but if you need to, then do! Share the lot, don't bottle it. We are all here for you. Hoping tomorrow is a good one too, love, She. XX
     
  18. barraf

    barraf Registered User

    Mar 27, 2004
    308
    Huddersfield
    Dear Norman

    That is why we are all here to help each other in times when the stress becomes to much to bear alone.

    You have all my sympathy as I am in a very similar position. Margaret is being as difficult as anyone could be even if they were trying, and she manages without trying.

    She shouts and swears at me for trying to help, insists that I am ordering her about and she will not live with me any longer. All this from a former Sunday School Teacher and pillar of the Mother's Union.

    She got so bad the other night I almost lost control and hit her, I got as far as raising my hand before I regained my senses. She wasn't bothered but I was frightened to death.

    So, the point I am trying to make is for goodness sake moan away to your hearts content, because as well as helping you, it helps others to know they are not alone in this 'Sea of Troubles'

    Cheers Barraf
     
  19. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Dear All
    Things are better again,but ain't it hell at the time.
    Played indoor bowls for the first time this year today and Peg stopped with Son No1
    He said it had been a pleasure to have her and everything went fine.(Still waiting for x roads cover).
    I thank all of you for your wishes and support,all my life I have been connected in some form of charity work,but never,never met (Iwish) such a wonderful gang as TP people.
    Enough of the slop lets get back to trying to help others in dire need
    love to you all
    Norman

    PS Ted I wonder if your Daisy knows the silly cow that my friend says he is married too?
     
  20. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Ah, ain't he sweet! Glad you had another good day Norm, love She. XX
     

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