I have been watching my husband slowly deteriorate over the weeks and months but suddenly last night it really hit home that this is dementia and is only going to get worse not better. He had taken himself off the the bedroom to put on his pjs. That in itself was surprising because normally he would only do that when we went together. Came back into the lounge wearing pajama shorts but still in the shirt he had been wearing all day. I suggested we go to bed and when we got there I handed him his pajama top to put on. He got really sharp with me insisting that he was wearing his pajama top and the item in my hand was the shirt he’d been wearing all day. I calmed things but was left feeling desperately sad. Of course he has no memory of it this morning.
Suddenly the dementia is real
- Thread starter Bugs
- Start date
It's dreadful isn't it. You know it's a downward spiral but then something happens and it's like a sledgehammer between the eyes. I feel for you, I had a day like it last week. My OH screws his eyes up and has developed entropion as a result. I now have to tape his lid. Despite this and despite his eyes being sore he can't grasp that screwing his eyes up is the cause. He looks so sad and forlorn.
Dear @Bugs
The strange thing is one little thing seems to bring home what we have previously “known” in a moment of pure clarity. It’s like you are forced to see things clearly by some trivial event, the enormity of what is slowly unfolding. Helping mum get ready for bed for quite some time, it has become a routine. She asked me to help her get under the sheets by lifting them as I usually do. I hesitated. Mum you need to put your bed socks on to keep your toes snug. I have got them on was the reply. Mum still has her ankle stockings on from the daytime. Different colour, different texture, etc. No point debating the point, just mental note to remember next night to hand mum the bed socks to change into.
The strange thing is one little thing seems to bring home what we have previously “known” in a moment of pure clarity. It’s like you are forced to see things clearly by some trivial event, the enormity of what is slowly unfolding. Helping mum get ready for bed for quite some time, it has become a routine. She asked me to help her get under the sheets by lifting them as I usually do. I hesitated. Mum you need to put your bed socks on to keep your toes snug. I have got them on was the reply. Mum still has her ankle stockings on from the daytime. Different colour, different texture, etc. No point debating the point, just mental note to remember next night to hand mum the bed socks to change into.
@Bugs You hope desperately for a cure, you keep thinking something will happen to reverse this condition, but underneath you know you're only fooling yourself. There will be a cure one day, but probably not in time to help my beloved who is now in care.
The clothing / dressing thing is a puzzle but so long as my OH is safe, warm, and comfortable I take it easily and let him wear PJ's, socks and outdoor shoes if he wishes. There's more important things in life.
This non-confrontational method gives me room to NAG NAG NAG on the odd occasion he may need to dress in a more appropriate manner. And hey-ho .... who isn't wearing PJs day in day out right now?
Saying that, I do shoe-horn him out of the smelly stuck to sweaty skin stuff regularly. I'd rather he was happy and smelly than miserable yet smart.
This non-confrontational method gives me room to NAG NAG NAG on the odd occasion he may need to dress in a more appropriate manner. And hey-ho .... who isn't wearing PJs day in day out right now?
Saying that, I do shoe-horn him out of the smelly stuck to sweaty skin stuff regularly. I'd rather he was happy and smelly than miserable yet smart.
I had a sad moment this week. I have bought some lovely jigsaw puzzles and one of them, 100 XXL pieces. I had to help him to get going doing the framework with him. It is a lovely jigsaw but when there were only a few pieces left I watched him trying to put wrong colour, shape pieces in. My heart sank.
