Sudden turn of events

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
You have great generosity of spirit @margherita and you are right that it does not take much effort to bring just a few moments of happiness into someone's life. Who you were and what you meant to each other is in the past. Compassion for his situation does not alter what went before but you are beyond that now. Your loneliness is being replaced by a new strength as you get used to living alone. I hope that your freedom gives opportunities for you to re-engage with others if and when you wish to do so. Wishing you all the best.
Thanks for your words @northumbrian_k .
Everything is in the past , as you say, and now I want to look ahead and do what I like best, helping stray dogs and travelling.
Wishing you all the best, too
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,084
0
south-east London
Hello @margherita - I am glad that you have reached a more peaceful state of mind after all that has gone before. The removal of 24/7 care and worry has given you the breathing space you so desperately needed and I wish the best for both you and your husband going forward.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hello @margherita - I am glad that you have reached a more peaceful state of mind after all that has gone before. The removal of 24/7 care and worry has given you the breathing space you so desperately needed and I wish the best for both you and your husband going forward.
Hi @LynneMcV,
I was really at the end of my tether and I didn't recognise myself in the angry and rancorous person I had become.
Thank goodness I am no longer my husband's carer. I wish the best for you, too because you deserve it.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi everyone,
I don't write much on the forum, but regularly read your experiences and am so grateful to all of you.
Exactly a year ago, on June 10th, my husband was moved to a nursing home. He had run away during the night, climbing over the gate while I was sleeping. He was found early in the morning lying on a nearby field by a jogger who called an ambulance. At the A&E they found he was unharmed, but unmanageable, so he was discharged to the care home where he is currently.
Over the last twelve months he has deteriorated to the point he can't walk and is in a wheelchair . He has also become incontinent, which I had been dreading because I wouldnt ever have been able to cope with this problem.
He is serene in his parallel world nobody can enter and doesn't have a clue who I am or where he is .
My life has improved now I am no longer under house arrest , even though the loneliness I had been longing for is sometimes a bit difficult to manage. I have recently made friends with some of the ladies of a reading group I have joined in . Not only do we share our love for books, but we also go walking or have a chat over a cup of coffee .
I often wonder what the future has in store for me and for him, even though I know my question doesn't have an answer and it's better to live one day a time.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
22,983
0
Southampton
Hi everyone,
I don't write much on the forum, but regularly read your experiences and am so grateful to all of you.
Exactly a year ago, on June 10th, my husband was moved to a nursing home. He had run away during the night, climbing over the gate while I was sleeping. He was found early in the morning lying on a nearby field by a jogger who called an ambulance. At the A&E they found he was unharmed, but unmanageable, so he was discharged to the care home where he is currently.
Over the last twelve months he has deteriorated to the point he can't walk and is in a wheelchair . He has also become incontinent, which I had been dreading because I wouldnt ever have been able to cope with this problem.
He is serene in his parallel world nobody can enter and doesn't have a clue who I am or where he is .
My life has improved now I am no longer under house arrest , even though the loneliness I had been longing for is sometimes a bit difficult to manage. I have recently made friends with some of the ladies of a reading group I have joined in . Not only do we share our love for books, but we also go walking or have a chat over a cup of coffee .
I often wonder what the future has in store for me and for him, even though I know my question doesn't have an answer and it's better to live one day a time.
its good to know that you have freedom and able to make a life for yourself. at least he is content and settled in the care home.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,356
0
Kent
Hello @margherita It's always good to hear from long standing carers although we never expect the news about their person with dementia to have done anything other than a deterioration.
It's sad he had such a dramatic episode but knowing the nature of the man, it was probably inevitable.

I'm pleased you now have some peace in your life. It can never be perfect but at least now you have choice.
 

DreamsAreReal

Registered User
Oct 17, 2015
476
0
I can't believe that was a whole year ago! I remember reading your posts and how distressed you were. I'm glad you're in a better situation now, albeit a little lonely. I hope life continues to improve for you. Best wishes xx
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,145
0
Nottinghamshire
Good to hear from you @margherita. Glad your life is starting to get back on track and that though your husband's dementia has progressed a lot he is now in a happier place.
I was in Italy last week, such a beautiful country.
 

Fraisy

Registered User
Dec 13, 2021
20
0
Poor you, what a shock and I have myself just come to realise that a crisis could happen at any time. my husband who has mixed dementia, seemed to be going along confused and repetitive but otherwise fairly ok until one day last week when he dropped his trousers and defacated all over the bathroom floor, walls and bathroom furniture. He then proceeded to walk it in his bare feet all over the hall, stairs and landing. it took me hours to clean and disinfect and I am not physically very mobile, he did this two days in a row and then put several rolls of toilet paper down the downstairs loo blocking that completely and then wetting himself. The shock and the smells from my normally very clean husband was horrendous.
without any argument he started wearing in continence pants but all seems to have settled down again now.
what it has done is galvanise me into putting in place a crisis plan with a place at a local care home. I didn’t think this would be necessary for a long while but clearly we should all be ready.
hope things have settled down for you now x
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hello @margherita It's always good to hear from long standing carers although we never expect the news about their person with dementia to have done anything other than a deterioration.
It's sad he had such a dramatic episode but knowing the nature of the man, it was probably inevitable.

I'm pleased you now have some peace in your life. It can never be perfect but at least now you have choice.
Hi @Grannie G ,
when I visit my husband in the nursing home. I often think of your words that the relationship improves when we are no more carers. You are absolutely right.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I can't believe that was a whole year ago! I remember reading your posts and how distressed you were. I'm glad you're in a better situation now, albeit a little lonely. I hope life continues to improve for you. Best wishes xx
Thank you @DreamsAreReal . I was at the end of my tether. Not only was I exhausted and exasperated, but had also become a bitter and rancorous person. My husband's dementia had changed me .