• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Sudden turn of events

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
That's excellent news that your husband has settled in so well. I hope that you have been decompressing and picking up the strings of your own life. I'm sure you have, as you have always struck me as being a very logical, rational person.
Hi @Canadian Joanne , at the moment I am relaxing and enjoying the little things I couldn't do when my husband was at home. Thanks for having supported me, of which I am grateful to you.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
2,030
0
High Peak
You've spent so long having to look over your shoulder and keep an ear open all the time - it must be such a relief when those things vanish from your life. I know how much you love dogs so I think you'll really benefit from your volunteer work.

What's happened was always going to happen, it was just a question of when. Reclaim your life!
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi everyone,
My husband has been in permanent care since June 10th, after he was discharged from the A&E to the care home where he is currently.
He isn't easy to manage, but the staff can cope with his constant wandering and ( sometimes) bursts of aggressiveness.
I won't be allowed to visit him until I am fully vaccinated. My second jab is scheduled for next Friday, so I won't see him until mid -August.
All the information I can get about him is what the nurses and the manager tell me when I call ( twice or three times) a week.
The manager tends to sugar-coat my husband 's actual conditions , while the nurses sound more blunt ( or sincere?) .
Both the manager and the nurses agree on his being completely lost in his own world , not having a clue where he is and not remembering anything about his family or his home.
The neurologist who saw him at the end of June wrote in his report that he seems to have settled in well and be , as far as possible, satisfied with his current accommodation.
So far so good ?
I'm not so sure.
Since he arrived in the care home he has been eating little, even though it wasn't particularly worrying because he has always been fussy over food and, as a consequence, skinny.
A few days ago the manager mentioned " en passant " that the doctor of the care home had to put my husband on a drip because his not eating and, above all, drinking enough had resulted in dehydration.
I thought it was a one off , but instead yesterday in the course of a conversation with one of the nurses I realized they put him on a drip almost regularly.
I wonder what the situation is really like and if this use of IV therapy is common.
Your opinions are welcome..
Thank you in advance
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,326
0
Southampton
Hi everyone,
My husband has been in permanent care since June 10th, after he was discharged from the A&E to the care home where he is currently.
He isn't easy to manage, but the staff can cope with his constant wandering and ( sometimes) bursts of aggressiveness.
I won't be allowed to visit him until I am fully vaccinated. My second jab is scheduled for next Friday, so I won't see him until mid -August.
All the information I can get about him is what the nurses and the manager tell me when I call ( twice or three times) a week.
The manager tends to sugar-coat my husband 's actual conditions , while the nurses sound more blunt ( or sincere?) .
Both the manager and the nurses agree on his being completely lost in his own world , not having a clue where he is and not remembering anything about his family or his home.
The neurologist who saw him at the end of June wrote in his report that he seems to have settled in well and be , as far as possible, satisfied with his current accommodation.
So far so good ?
I'm not so sure.
Since he arrived in the care home he has been eating little, even though it wasn't particularly worrying because he has always been fussy over food and, as a consequence, skinny.
A few days ago the manager mentioned " en passant " that the doctor of the care home had to put my husband on a drip because his not eating and, above all, drinking enough had resulted in dehydration.
I thought it was a one off , but instead yesterday in the course of a conversation with one of the nurses I realized they put him on a drip almost regularly.
I wonder what the situation is really like and if this use of IV therapy is common.
Your opinions are welcome..
Thank you in advance
wont it be more difficult if they do it regularly with getting the veins. does he drink usually? is it because of the extreme heat that weve had? your system may well be different to ours
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,745
0
South coast
Im so sorry to hear about this recent development @margherita
In UK, care home and nursing homes, do not use drips. If someone needs IV fluid or other treatment it is done in hospital. I think it would be a good idea to try and have a very open and frank talk with the doctor who is overseeing this. Try and find out the reason why - is it due to heat, for example? - and what they expect the outcome to be. Is this due to something that they expect him to recover from? Has he, in fact, lost his swallow?

I think my biggest concern would be that the recent spell in hospital has propelled him towards End of Life. It may not be the case here, but I am thinking of mum who ended up in hospital after a broken hip and after being returned to her care home just stopped eating and drinking. She was sent back to the hospital, who used a drip to rehydrate her and returned her to the care home, but she was still not eating or drinking. I had a long talk with her doctor who said that he thought she had reached End of Life and agreed that it would be best not to keep rehydrating her and just let nature take its course. This may not be what is happening to Nick, but I do think you need to talk to the doctor to find out what is happening.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Im so sorry to hear about this recent development @margherita
In UK, care home and nursing homes, do not use drips. If someone needs IV fluid or other treatment it is done in hospital. I think it would be a good idea to try and have a very open and frank talk with the doctor who is overseeing this. Try and find out the reason why - is it due to heat, for example? - and what they expect the outcome to be. Is this due to something that they expect him to recover from? Has he, in fact, lost his swallow?

I think my biggest concern would be that the recent spell in hospital has propelled him towards End of Life. It may not be the case here, but I am thinking of mum who ended up in hospital after a broken hip and after being returned to her care home just stopped eating and drinking. She was sent back to the hospital, who used a drip to rehydrate her and returned her to the care home, but she was still not eating or drinking. I had a long talk with her doctor who said that he thought she had reached End of Life and agreed that it would be best not to keep rehydrating her and just let nature take its course. This may not be what is happening to Nick, but I do think you need to talk to the doctor to find out what is happening.
Hi @canary ,
What you say makes me face something I had never thought of, that is he might be towards End of Life. I must have been somehow in denial, even though it seems a bit strange to me because I am not deeply emotionally involved.
I won't pretend to be heartbroken, but it is so sad and I want him to have all he needs, including my presence by him.
The first thing I will do is trying to talk to the doctor. From the legal point of view she shouldn't give me any information because I haven't anything like your LPA for health, but here doctors are not so observant of the rules as in the UK.
Then , after being fully vaccinated, I will be visiting him as often as necessary to check how things are actually going.
I am sure something serious must have happened on the night when he escaped, which led to a sudden worsening.
Within few hours he had become incontinent , lost any connection with the outer world , not to mention his slurred speech ...
Both the doctor and the neurologist seem to think it is all part and parcel of his dementia, but I am not sure
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,394
0
Kent
I have heard of sudden downturns @margherita, even after an infection. It could have even been some brain activity which has been undetected. I imagine at this stage there is little point in scans.

All said as a lay person with little medical knowledge of course.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I have heard of sudden downturns @margherita, even after an infection. It could have even been some brain activity which has been undetected. I imagine at this stage there is little point in scans.

All said as a lay person with little medical knowledge of course.
Hi @Grannie G ,
His blood tests are in a range of normality and he didn't have temperature. As you say, there is little point in scans or, I would add, other medical tests.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,217
0
67
Toronto, Canada
My mother was put on an IV in the nursing home here when she stopped eating and drinking. I don't know if it was done by a doctor or nurse. After a few days, it was removed as she was at end of life.

If your husband is at end of life, I would think they would not use the IV, but I am not a doctor.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi everyone,

On July 30th I had my second vaccination jab, so yesterday I could visit my husband . I hadn't seen him for two months, since he had been discharged from the A&E to the care home where he is currently.
I don't know what the rules are in the other countries, but here in Italy I had to make an appointment in advance and the visit couldn't last more than half an hour. I was allowed to enter the hall only and a nurse accompanied him there.
I said hallo to him ( as if I had seen him the day before) and then I offered him one of his favourite cream puffs I had just bought. He didn't recognise me , but accepted the cream puff which he ate very slowly, but seemed to enjoy.
He looked reasonably healthy, even though he must have lost some weight and now is skinnier than he used to be .
I tried to engage him in a " conversation " by asking him how he was. Only God knows what he answered . Not only can't he string few words together to form a meaningful sentence ( as it happened when he was still at home) but now he is also slurring his words as if he were drunk.
He was clean, shaved and appropriately dressed, and completely uninterested in my presence. His attention was caught by the paper napkin I had given him to clean his hands after eating the cream puff. He kept first folding it and then tearing it into pieces.
When the manager of the care home came to say the visit was over and invited my husband to go with him, he went away without casting a glance at me.
Next week I'll be visiting him again because I feel the moral duty to check how he is and if he he is being treated well in the care home.
His not recognising me was almost a relief because I was afraid he might be saying he hates the care home and demanding to go home . The place where he is currently seems to be the only one he is somehow aware of , which makes him less restless than when he was at home.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,724
0
It sounds like your husband is fine in his care home, though I know, from my recent visits to my mother, how strange it is when our loved ones no longer have any memory of us or what our connection to each other is.
I hope you are doing well, and establishing a new life for yourself after looking after him for so long.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,326
0
Southampton
Hi everyone,

On July 30th I had my second vaccination jab, so yesterday I could visit my husband . I hadn't seen him for two months, since he had been discharged from the A&E to the care home where he is currently.
I don't know what the rules are in the other countries, but here in Italy I had to make an appointment in advance and the visit couldn't last more than half an hour. I was allowed to enter the hall only and a nurse accompanied him there.
I said hallo to him ( as if I had seen him the day before) and then I offered him one of his favourite cream puffs I had just bought. He didn't recognise me , but accepted the cream puff which he ate very slowly, but seemed to enjoy.
He looked reasonably healthy, even though he must have lost some weight and now is skinnier than he used to be .
I tried to engage him in a " conversation " by asking him how he was. Only God knows what he answered . Not only can't he string few words together to form a meaningful sentence ( as it happened when he was still at home) but now he is also slurring his words as if he were drunk.
He was clean, shaved and appropriately dressed, and completely uninterested in my presence. His attention was caught by the paper napkin I had given him to clean his hands after eating the cream puff. He kept first folding it and then tearing it into pieces.
When the manager of the care home came to say the visit was over and invited my husband to go with him, he went away without casting a glance at me.
Next week I'll be visiting him again because I feel the moral duty to check how he is and if he he is being treated well in the care home.
His not recognising me was almost a relief because I was afraid he might be saying he hates the care home and demanding to go home . The place where he is currently seems to be the only one he is somehow aware of , which makes him less restless than when he was at home.
@margherita its probably better this way and at least it appears he has settled in the home and being looked after very well. you looked after him for so long that i hope you are building a life of your own. to be able to see friends and other things that you like to do. he really couldnt have asked for more than you gave and still giving him.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,394
0
Kent
It is bittersweet @margherita At least you know your husband is well cared for and not fretting for you. It shows the time was right for residential care and you won`t have to dread future visits,
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
@margherita its probably better this way and at least it appears he has settled in the home and being looked after very well. you looked after him for so long that i hope you are building a life of your own. to be able to see friends and other things that you like to do. he really couldnt have asked for more than you gave and still giving him.
Hi @jennifer1967 ,
Yes, I am trying to build a life of my own. After the first weeks when I fully enjoyed being alone, I am now missing a bit of social life. I mean, a coffee or a pizza or a walk and a chat..
I have recently known a German lady who volunteers in the same dogs shelter where I give a hand. She doesn't speak Italian, so it is difficult for her to make friends with anyone. Luckily she speaks English, so we can communicate. She complained that, despite being widely taught in schools, English is actually spoken by few people here in Italy.
Hope I can make friends with her.
I feel and actually am a stranger here where I live...a sort of foreigner in my own country.