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Sudden turn of events

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I sympathise with your sense of relief. I don’t want to put my partner into care in a crisis but I sometimes wish something would happen that makes the decision for me. I know that when my partner did some nocturnal wandering last year that a lot of support was put in place which I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to access. I hope your husband settled and that you can move forward with your life.
Hi @Bettysue , over the last months ,even though I am not religious, I had prayed something would happen to release me. I was so angry, exhausted and lonely. Someone must have listened to me.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Sometimes events simply speed up what needs to be done. As others have said, a crisis will often resolve a situation for us.

I am grateful for you that your husband didn't come to any harm. I think the home is right in saying you shouldn't visit for a while. Not only does he need to settle in but you need time to yourself to recover from the long and difficult time you have been experiencing.

I understand your feelings. Perhaps eventually you will feel more positive about your husband. If not, that is how life can be. You were ground down for an extremely long time and also isolated. You have done exceedingly well to have come through it as you have.

Take care of yourself,
Hi @Canadian Joanne , I will go and visit him when it is better for him. I don't miss him, so I am not longing to see him, but I want to be correct and even compassionate, which is easier now he is not at home.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
This all sounds very positive @margherita ☺️

You worry about how he will cope and whether he will have things that will bring him joy again.
I can only say that I had similar worries about mum, but she surprised me by thriving in her care home and there are quite a few others on here with a similar story.
He may well do the same.
Thanks @canary , I wish my husband's story were similar to your mum's.
 

human4

Registered User
Jun 15, 2021
25
0
HI margherita, sorry to know about yours and your husband's ordeal. It is not clear to me if he has dementia?
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
HI margherita, sorry to know about yours and your husband's ordeal. It is not clear to me if he has dementia?
Hi @human4 , I apologise for not replying, but I didn't see your post.
Yes, my husband has dementia ( Alzheimer's). He was diagnosed five years ago, but his deterioration took place over the last two years, in particular the last one. Just think his MMSE score dropped from 17 in July 2020 to 6.1 in January 2021.
He is still physically fit, but his reasoning and memory are nonexistent.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi everyone,
Three weeks after that " sudden turn of events " which led my husband to permanent care, he seems to have settled in well.
I haven't seen him yet partly not to interfere and cause further restlessness, partly because I haven't had my vaccination yet and the rules of the care home are very strict.
Yesterday my husband was examined by the head physician of the neurological department of the biggest ( and hopefully best) hospital in the area. I could speak to him after the medical visit and he also wrote a short report .
My husband's health is still good , but his reasoning faculty and memory are completely nonexistent. The neurologist couldn't even have him take the MMSE test because he didn't have a clue what he was being asked to do. What surprised and relieved me is that he said he likes where he is living and called it " home". According to the neurologist my husband somehow thinks he owns the whole building and the garden and is very pleased with it.
He didn't mention me , which is a relief. I do hope he doesn't remember me or miss my presence, even though I will be visiting him regularly and checking he gets all the cares he needs.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,326
0
Southampton
Hi everyone,
Three weeks after that " sudden turn of events " which led my husband to permanent care, he seems to have settled in well.
I haven't seen him yet partly not to interfere and cause further restlessness, partly because I haven't had my vaccination yet and the rules of the care home are very strict.
Yesterday my husband was examined by the head physician of the neurological department of the biggest ( and hopefully best) hospital in the area. I could speak to him after the medical visit and he also wrote a short report .
My husband's health is still good , but his reasoning faculty and memory are completely nonexistent. The neurologist couldn't even have him take the MMSE test because he didn't have a clue what he was being asked to do. What surprised and relieved me is that he said he likes where he is living and called it " home". According to the neurologist my husband somehow thinks he owns the whole building and the garden and is very pleased with it.
He didn't mention me , which is a relief. I do hope he doesn't remember me or miss my presence, even though I will be visiting him regularly and checking he gets all the cares he needs.
thats a really nice outcome @margherita and good that he seems settled. you have your own life to live and the freedom to do what you want when you want. you deserve happiness
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,394
0
Kent
That`s really good @margherita

My neighbour was the same as your husband. He thought he owned the residential home and the garden was all his. :)

I`m so pleased for you.
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,527
0
Newcastle
That is a really good start @margherita and I am so pleased to hear about it. Take your own time in visiting him but don't feel obliged to. I want to go on visiting my wife because there is still a bond between us. I am not sure that I would if I had no feelings left ...

Now do something for yourself. Just sitting and relaxing is fine as you haven't been able to do that for some considerable time.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,724
0
SO glad things are turning out so well. You can now start to rebuild your own life knowing that your husband is safe, well cared for and happy.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,217
0
67
Toronto, Canada
That's excellent news that your husband has settled in so well. I hope that you have been decompressing and picking up the strings of your own life. I'm sure you have, as you have always struck me as being a very logical, rational person.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,211
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
That is a really good start @margherita and I am so pleased to hear about it. Take your own time in visiting him but don't feel obliged to. I want to go on visiting my wife because there is still a bond between us. I am not sure that I would if I had no feelings left ...

Now do something for yourself. Just sitting and relaxing is fine as you haven't been able to do that for some considerable time.
Hi @northumbrian_k , I am relaxing and have also started to give a hand as a volunteer in a nearby dogs' shelter.
Re my husband , I actually feel a sort of moral obligation to go and visit him, even though the nurses say he never mentions me and he's likely not to know who I am .
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,326
0
Southampton
Hi @northumbrian_k , I am relaxing and have also started to give a hand as a volunteer in a nearby dogs' shelter.
Re my husband , I actually feel a sort of moral obligation to go and visit him, even though the nurses say he never mentions me and he's likely not to know who I am .
its whatever you feel comfortable with and in a dogs shelter sounds good to volunteer. mixing with new people
 

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