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Sudden turn of events

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi everyone,
Here's what happened.
Last Thursday, early in the morning, it was about 6.30am, I was woken up by someone calling me. ( They will say later they had been calling for some minutes, but I had not heard their voices).
From behind the gate my neighbour and two other people I had never seen before, shouted my husband was lying in the field at the foot of a little scarp on the other side of the road. I was sure he was in his bedroom, at last sleeping , after a restless night for both 9f us. A woman who had been jogging along the road had noticed him and called an ambulance, which arrived within a quarter of an hour.
They took him to hospital and told me to stay at home ( covid restrictions) and assured me they would call me.
An hour later a nurse from the A&E called to reassure me my husband's conditions weren't serious and ask me if I could go there to keep him quiet. He was unmanageable, despite they had administered him strong sedatives.
When I arrived at the A&E , he was extremely confused , agitated and lost in a world of his none of us could enter.
I called the manager of the care home where next Monday my husband should have started a sort of " settling-in phase " before being moved to permanent care. Within an hour he sent an ambulance to take him to the care home, where he has been since last Thursday.
He is physically fit, but still very difficult to manage. They suggested I don't see him until he settles in the new place. He seems not to have mentioned either me or anyone else, but keeps wandering and also trying to escape. The nurse said she caught him climbing onto the big wheelie bins they keep against garden wall in a clear attempt to escape.
That must have been what he did last Thursday, when he was found outside the gate, which I always kept locked.

How do I feel?
Surprised and relieved, but also sad for him, even though , to be honest, I don't miss him.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,410
0
Scotland
The unexpected crisis. How often on here have we observed that very difficult circumstances come to a head in ways we could not have predicted. Let’s hope @margherita that this will bring you peace and become the solution for him too.

Best wishes.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,680
0
South coast
Oh my. That must have been quite a shock.
Once they start wandering it is a game changer. At least you were getting a care home organised and they could take him just that little bit sooner. Now you know you were right to organise a care home.
xxx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
65,264
0
70
Dundee
Goodness. How traumatic. I hope he settles down soon. Thinking of you both and wishing your both your own peace.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,226
0
Southampton
@margherita sorry to hear of his wandering but it might be for the best and a relief for you. at least he getting the care he needs and you have your freedom back. you have done well to look after him this long so i wouldnt feel guilty at feeling relieved. i hope he settles and you have a good life
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,669
0
Gosh, what a shock. I’m glad there was no serious harm done, that the care home could take him slightly earlier and that they seem to be coping with his desire to escape.
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,514
0
Newcastle
A dramatic turn of events @margherita but maybe leading to a solution that is best for both of you. I hope that he settles in and most of your worries become things that belong to the past.
 

Bettysue

Registered User
Mar 21, 2020
70
0
I sympathise with your sense of relief. I don’t want to put my partner into care in a crisis but I sometimes wish something would happen that makes the decision for me. I know that when my partner did some nocturnal wandering last year that a lot of support was put in place which I wouldn’t otherwise have been able to access. I hope your husband settled and that you can move forward with your life.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,210
0
67
Toronto, Canada
Sometimes events simply speed up what needs to be done. As others have said, a crisis will often resolve a situation for us.

I am grateful for you that your husband didn't come to any harm. I think the home is right in saying you shouldn't visit for a while. Not only does he need to settle in but you need time to yourself to recover from the long and difficult time you have been experiencing.

I understand your feelings. Perhaps eventually you will feel more positive about your husband. If not, that is how life can be. You were ground down for an extremely long time and also isolated. You have done exceedingly well to have come through it as you have.

Take care of yourself,
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
The unexpected crisis. How often on here have we observed that very difficult circumstances come to a head in ways we could not have predicted. Let’s hope @margherita that this will bring you peace and become the solution for him too.

Best wishes.
Hi @marionq , life is really unpredictable. I had been planning to put my husband into care for a couple of months, but it all happened so unexpectedly and so soon that it left me flabbergasted.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Oh my. That must have been quite a shock.
Once they start wandering it is a game changer. At least you were getting a care home organised and they could take him just that little bit sooner. Now you know you were right to organise a care home.
Hi @canary ,
I was exhausted, angry, and rancorous , but I also kept wondering if it was too early to make the decision to put him into care. Now, as you say, I know I was right to organise a care home.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
It`s terribly sad when it comes to this @margherita but was so often a crisis waiting to happen.

I understand your mixed emotions.
Hi @Grannie G ,
It is so sad, as if his life were over before being physically dead. He won't have back the little things which gave him joy..the flowers in his garden, his dogs ... There seems to be nothing left for him in his life.
I don't miss him and I doubt I will ever do, but I am sorry for what happened to him.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
you have done well to look after him this long so i wouldnt feel guilty at feeling relieved. i hope he settles and you have a good life
Hi @jennifer1967 , I feel relief and a great sense of peace. Yesterday the nurse of the care home told me she does know how I could cope with him at home for such a long time. I didn't have an answer. Simply you do things when you must.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,680
0
South coast
This all sounds very positive @margherita ☺️

You worry about how he will cope and whether he will have things that will bring him joy again.
I can only say that I had similar worries about mum, but she surprised me by thriving in her care home and there are quite a few others on here with a similar story.
He may well do the same.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,209
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
What an awful shock and I'm glad he wasn't hurt. I can't help feeling it may turn out for the best.

Take care @margherita
Hi @Jaded'n'faded , when I saw him lying on the grass I though something serious had happened. He seemed to be able to move only his right arm. Luckily I was wrong. An odd detail. He didn't have his trousers and socks on. They were by him. And there was a shoe only. I couldn't find the other.