I’m having such negative thoughts, and I’m pretty certain that I can’t be the only one who has found themselves,( to their horror) wondering if it would be better if their partner died, no matter how much he/she is loved. My dear OH had a massive epileptic seizure last night, and has been sleeping most of the day. His only words have been such a pitiful, ‘Oh darling’ endlessly repeated, when he was awake for a short while. He is eight-nine and, apart from the regular epilepsy seizures, he has had mixed VD, and Alzheimer’s for nearly eight years. He is unable to walk, and is almost blind. Recently he has been doubly incontinent, and I am doing my very best to care for him at home, with no help from our family. If he pulls through yet again, his life is mostly composed of frustration and misery, although he is still very loving towards me, and I love him as much as ever. I wonder if I am being unfair to fight to keep him going – or am I just upset, and scared by the manifestations of his various illnesses. Am I frightened to face the future without him – fifty odd years together is one hell of a long time, and I am terrified of losing him. If anyone out there has had similar negative thoughts, I’d be grateful to hear how they resolved their doubts.