Such a shock, mum had massive stroke ...

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by count2ten, Jun 7, 2015.

  1. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    186
    Another blue light rush into hospital, not sure what the future holds, I can't stop the tears, feeling so sad and upset to see her lying in hospital bed, unable to move - one side no feeling, can't speak or eat/drink. Vision affected as well. Being assessed by SALT tomorrow but doc saying today not looking good. Pneumonia as well. Is this where it all ends? Sorry to sound so negative but at the moment I'm just waiting for the phone call. If she survives this, she will be severely disabled and she would absolutely hate that.
     
  2. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Xx ((hugs))
     
  3. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Bless your heart I can only imagine what you are feeling right now, although I can imagine that I could one day be in your exact same position as Mum has Vascular Dementia and has had several TIA's recently.

    I want to keep my Mum, but not at any price. I would completely understand if you feel the same.

    Sending love and thoughts your way, and strength to get through what fate has in store.
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,718
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read about your mum. Thinking of you both.
     
  5. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    I'm so sorry, what a terrible thing to happen, you must be reeling. Thinking of you both tonight xx
     
  6. mousehold

    mousehold Registered User

    Mar 25, 2015
    27
    Norfolk
    #6 mousehold, Jun 7, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2015
    thanks for posting this

    you are at the stage we all dread, all I can say is I feel for you, the strength is within you. x
     
  7. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    What a shock for you. Thinking of you xx
     
  8. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    250
    I know how you feel, my dad was in hospital twice with sepsis and I thought both times that it was the end. Even though most of me wanted his dementia hell to be over ( because I knew he would hate what he had become ) you have this huge part of you that also wants them to live.
    It's what makes us human, our head says one thing but our hearts scream another.
    You feel guilty for wanting them to live at any cost and you feel guilty for having those feelings that maybe it would be better if their journey ended.

    Just take each day as it comes, try to sleep a little and try to eat. Spend as much time as you can with your mum but make sure you give yourself a break as well.
    Make sure she is comfortable and pain free, hold her hand and let her know how much you love her.
    Thinking of you and your mum x
     
  9. count2ten

    count2ten Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    186
    Thank you so much for your replies

    Really appreciate everyone taking time to reply - mum very sleepy and unresponsive still, they tried NG tube yesterday but too agitated, said will try again today. More damage done by the clot busting drug apparently, but I hang on to the thought that brains can re-wire themselves if allowed to rest, but TBH the pneumonia is more of a problem for her now. I can totally agree Betsie with not wanting them to hang on and suffer but also not sure if I'm ready to let her go , very selfish I know, but she's been there all my life, for pete's sake! Thank you all again and best wishes to all of us going through this terrible journey.
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,838
    Suffolk
    My mother had a stroke very much like you described. She recovered more or less and survived another 2 years, at home, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning and all the rest. I wouldn't say she was 100%, but she was OK.
     
  11. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    You take care we can't have you going sick
     
  12. Margaret79

    Margaret79 Registered User

    Thinking of you Count2ten. xxx
     
  13. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,489
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Another one here thinking of you. Hang in there. x
     
  14. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    Me too, thinking of you and your mum xxx
     
  15. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    My husband had a major stroke 2 years ago, couldn't walk, move, move in bed, eating was difficult and speech affected. After months of physio and rehab, he has regained much of those functions. He gets very tired and moves slowly. It is amazing how the brain rewires itself and finds new pathways. I hope they get the pneumonia under control xx
     
  16. rowtalk

    rowtalk Registered User

    Jun 13, 2014
    67
    So sorry to read about your mother, just to let you know that I am thinking of you also, I have never responded to anyone before but you have replied to me a couple of times so just to let you know that among so many others I am also thinking of you at this difficult time
     
  17. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's stroke. I hope she is getting the care she needs and will be thinking of you at this difficult time. Best wishes to you and your family.
     
  18. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,561
    North West
    Very sorry to hear about your mother's stroke. It's so hard when these crises hit you and you have no idea how it's going to turn out. Thinking of you - and your mum.
     
  19. annie h

    annie h Registered User

    Jun 1, 2013
    148
    Hi, I don't often visit TP now but just to say I went through a very similar experience 16 months before mum died. The clot-busting drug can be amazingly successful if given in time (although not guaranteed and as you say some potential side effects which I think mum also had). What I wanted to say was that if she has recovered some muscle control and other functions get onto rehab as soon as you can and don't accept any rubbish from them about it being a waste of time. My mum was in hospital for four weeks - mainly because they didn't put any effort into rehab, including continence and walking etc, therefore making it impossible for her to go back to the home she'd been in. Once we'd got her a place in a nursing home it was really too late and a lot of ground was lost through the delay but in spite of continuing scepticism from community physio team we were able to get her up and mobile again through expensive private physio and massive efforts from everyone to get her up on her feet again. If I had my time again what I would have been doing at your stage is shouting from the rooftops about disability discrimination if they are denying her rehab on the basis that it's not worth it because the dementia prevents her from following the instructions. She just needs more time and patience from physios who know how to deal with someone with dementia. It still makes economic sense too given the choice between a requirement for two staff members and a hoist every time someone has to be moved anywhere, or retaining some mobility and just requiring one staff member to walk alongside.
     
  20. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,561
    North West
    So true Annie. The kind of post that should be a sticky or made prominent in some other way. It echoes other people's experiences. Mobility is always worth trying to preserve or reboot, whatever the patient's current situation. Even a tiny bit is so much better than absolutely none at all.
     

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