How stupid am I? 6 years down the track and I still can't seem to let go of hope no matter how nonensical it is. Dad after fading away for the last 3 weeks is suddenly 'back' with a vengeance. He was so 'with it' today it made my heart ache. He was asking me 'what?' he was talking to me (not that I could understand much of what he was saying), he was leading me around the home, his bloody brain appeared to be having a power surge even though I was sure th electricity was cut off weeks ago! It made me yearn to have him back again, so badly. He was so close, but yet so far away still. It was like he was at the bottom of a hole scrabbling to get back up to the light and I didn't have a rope or anything to throw him. Stupid me made some prayers for a miracle it was the best I could do for him...although logic tells me I am being ridiculous. I guess I'm just so used to Dad being able to come out on top despite the odds, thus the hope won't leave me, but god it is killing me! The child logic is still there too, some unlucky miracle caused this disease to come, the child in me says, so who says some lucky miracle can't fix it?? The adult in me says 'Natalie, noone has ever beaten this disease'. Spoilsport! I want him back! I want him back! I want him back! <wipe tears from the keyboard> Oh god I had a really good sob there. Thanks for letting me blather on.