Registered User
Mar 8, 2007
This is my first post and I feel that everyone else seems so well informed. my mum has ad, quite well advanced but she is still at home with my 82 yr old dad as carer. She goes to respite care for a fortnight every six weeks which is ok but we know it is a situation that not go on for very much longer as my father is very tired. we just don't know the next we need to get her on a waiting list for somewhere, also dad doesn't agree with him having to fully fund etc etc so he is stubbornly doing it all himself. sorry if all thisdoesnt make much sense, but would like advice on what the next steps might be


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Sally ann,
Welcome to TP -I can empathise with your situation somewhat - because we were in a similar place 16 months ago.

You need to be looking at possible long care nursing homes - is the one where mum goes for respite good?
Talk to your dad - make him understand that yes, the system is not fair - but his health and mum being in the best place that he can afford - is far more important than a big bank balance. My dad did not want to accept that mum needed full time care - till he physically could not cope any longer, then we had to find a place quickly - fortunately the one we had already decided on.

Talk and plan Sally - my brother and I had to be the ones to approach the NH, I had to take mum (though dad came as well) when we finally took her to the NH - dad did not want it to be his decision. It wasn't, it was a decision made by us all for the benefit of us all.

Let us know how things go - I am sure others will come up with ideas.
None of us are well informed on here - but collectively we have a wealth of experience and knowledge - and we care about those we love, and one another.
Good to have you along.
Love Helen

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi sallyann,

I was in a similar position with my mother, a few years ago. The only difference was she was widowed, so all her assets were her own.

Without her knowledge, following advice from her Social Worker, I visited as many NHs as I could. I found one I thought was suitable and put her name down.

When the time came, it was an emergency, and I was frightened to leave my mother alone for one more night. I phoned the home and she was admitted that same night.

Even if your father objects, it will help you to have something to fall back on when you need it.

With love

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