Hi all, so glad to have someone to reach out to who can empathise although don't know if you can help me. I live in the Scottish borders and my mum and dad are in Dorset...so not local! Mum has been showing signs of dementia for a couple of years, short term memory loss, repetitive story telling, agitation, poor sleep etc but has also tried to cover herself, making excuses for repeating herself and so on. This has been coupled with extreme paranoia, grilling my Dad if he talks to anyone when she's not present, especially if he tries to talk to me on our own about his concerns. Poor Dad has no-one local to talk to. Anyway I visited them a few weeks ago and while Mum was in the bath he told me her symptoms have worsened (which I had seen myself) but when I tried to talk to her with him she accused Dad of being a traitor, said we were plotting behind her back, trying to put her in a home, asked dad if he wanted a divorce, denied she has any problems (apart from a disloyal family :-( ) refused to see her GP etc. I have returned home, I can't even speak to dad on the phone about how he is coping. Is there any way I can refer her or dad for an assessment/support at home ? Have any of you been in a similar position or do you have any suggestions? She obviously hasn't got a diagnosis but flatly refused to see their GP - Help please!
Stuck, feeling useless!
- Thread starter JaneJ68
- Start date
Welcome to the forum @JaneJ68.
Such a difficult situation when you live so far apart. You might consider writing a letter to your mum’s GP. You could set out all of your concerns and how your mum feels about it all. They probably won’t speak to you but the might be willing to invite mum in for a ‘routine check up’.
It might also help you to contact the Admiral Nurse Service for support on how to help your dad as well as your mum.
www.dementiauk.org
I’m glad you’ve found this forum. Keep posting!
Such a difficult situation when you live so far apart. You might consider writing a letter to your mum’s GP. You could set out all of your concerns and how your mum feels about it all. They probably won’t speak to you but the might be willing to invite mum in for a ‘routine check up’.
It might also help you to contact the Admiral Nurse Service for support on how to help your dad as well as your mum.
What is an Admiral Nurse and how can they help?
An Admiral Nurse is a dementia specialist nurse that provides life-changing care for families affected by all forms of dementia.
www.dementiauk.org
I’m glad you’ve found this forum. Keep posting!
Hi @JaneJ68 and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
What I and a few other people have done is drop the person with dementia's (PWD) GP a letter with a bullet pointed list of concerns. In my case I just piggybacked an appointment my mum had already made as she often saw her GP about things that concerned her, though she vehemently denied she had any problems that could be caused by dementia. If you mum doesn't see her GP often maybe ask if s/he can call her in for a well-woman check. Maybe your dad could make an appointment if they share a GP and explain his concerns.
Now might be the time to start thinking about getting some help in. Maybe someone to take your mum out for a walk or to help with housework. This will make things easier if your mum does start to need help with personal care etc.
What I and a few other people have done is drop the person with dementia's (PWD) GP a letter with a bullet pointed list of concerns. In my case I just piggybacked an appointment my mum had already made as she often saw her GP about things that concerned her, though she vehemently denied she had any problems that could be caused by dementia. If you mum doesn't see her GP often maybe ask if s/he can call her in for a well-woman check. Maybe your dad could make an appointment if they share a GP and explain his concerns.
Now might be the time to start thinking about getting some help in. Maybe someone to take your mum out for a walk or to help with housework. This will make things easier if your mum does start to need help with personal care etc.
Thank you both for the replies, I shall certainly write to Mum's GP and try and persuade Dad to book himself an appointment too I think. I have tried to tell him he's not being disloyal but needs to look after himself to be able to look after her. Will also look into the Admiral nurses. many thanks.
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