Stubborn Father in Law carer

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Currymonster, Jan 30, 2008.

  1. Currymonster

    Currymonster Registered User

    Jan 30, 2008
    2
    Cheshire
    Hi,
    First of all a big hello to everyone here.

    I have just joined, looking for help.

    My wife has been to see her Mother and Father today and returned in complete tears.

    Her Mother is in the early stages of Alzeimers, suffering for approx 2 years now, she is 86 by the way, at first we all wanted to beleive it wasn't going to get any worse, but things seem to be getting worse now, she still remembers us when we visit, but now she can't remember her birth date/age etc..

    My poor old father in law (84) living with her looking after her is so independant he wont ask for help.

    What I would like to know, is, there any help available to my in laws, they are on a pension, but was wondering if home help is available to them and how to start the ball rolling.

    I appreciate that most of the people on here will have experienced this dreadful illnes albeit indirectly, I was wondering if I could draw upon your experience.

    My father in law is one hell of a nice guy, I want to help him as much as possible.

    Many thanks in advance

    Steve
     
  2. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Hi Steve and welcome,
    I think from my experience,get in touch with Social Services for your parents in law's area. There is help available, but as I have found out in my area, at a cost.
    But, they will help. Good Luck
    Barb X
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Hello Steve.

    It`s possible your inlaws` Gp will need to refer them to SS and they will contact your FIL, and pay him a visit to assess the help available to him.
     
  4. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Welcome Steve

    Certainly you must get your father-in-law to contact social services for help and advice. Your mother-in-law should be entitled to attendance allowance of £43 0r £63 per week which is not means tested and social services should help in claimimg this benefit. Day centres may also be avialable through social services which is invaluable in providing respite for carers.

    I hate to inject painful realism into this posting but there is an inevitability about dimentia and you all need to expect the worst. Like your father-in-law I am blessed with a son in law who is not only of great support to me but speaks openly and honestly although at times this can be painful to me but I know that he has the best interests of me and my wife at heart.

    Do keep in touch.

    Dick
     
  5. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    716
    Hi Steve.

    The first step is to ask the local SS to do an assessment on both MIL and FIL (the carer). Tell them that things are getting very difficult otherwise you will probably find there is a very long wait. They will tell you what help is available, what is available without charge and what is charged.

    Your MIL should already be receiving Attendance Allowance. Your MIL should also be able to get a Council Tax rebate if she has been diagnosed with AD and is receiving the AA. (The money helps pay for the Care).

    Has your MIL organised a Lasting Power of Attorney so your wife can look after her financial affairs.

    You will find everything takes longer to organise than you expect, so don’t blame yourself. It is essential that you make sure that FIL does not tell SS that he can just about cope. I did this when I first met SS and it just made it harder to get help.

    All the best

    Clive
     
  6. Currymonster

    Currymonster Registered User

    Jan 30, 2008
    2
    Cheshire
    WOW! Many thanks for such a warm welcome everyone.

    I am so pleasantly surprised at the speed you all came to my rescue.

    Would like to thank you all for taking the time out to offer your help, this I am discovering is one hell of an awful illness, my sympathy is shared with you all.

    I will follow your excellent clear advice and hopefully offer some help to my inlaws, whoi have always been there for me, now it’s my turn.


    Sylvia, I love the quote on your reply
    I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.` how true that is

    Take care everyone I will report back.:)

    Steve
     

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