stubborn dad


Registered User
Aug 3, 2006
East Yorkshire
my headstrong dad

hi all,

wondered if anybody has any suggestions how you go about introducing more help into the home, when dad swears blind that him and mum can manage?

Dad's 66 & has had alzhiemers for about 5/6 years, he's always been very headstrong and is getting more and more reliant on mum, us kids (!) try to take him out at least a couple of times a week just to give mum a break but he's getting more and more where he doesn't want to go without her and all mum wants to do is sit down & do nothing.

Also, dad's taken to standing up abruptly on evenings and just staring, mum doesn't know whether he's looking at her, through her, or beyond her and never makes any noise and then after afew minutes he'll sit himself down again ..... anyone come across this?

any help would be gratefully appreciated


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Registered User
Jan 27, 2006
Hi Rach, Sounds as if your dad has started to do what my dad started to do a few years ago. He would stand up stare then sit down. We put it down to what you call sun downing. Used to start early evening. Dad used to be a driving instructor up intill he retired, allways out working between 6 and 9 at nite, after his tea, fitting in the people who had to work in the day. We thought this was why he got unsettled during early evening because he was used to being busy. Another thing we noticed a while back was that sometimes the reflection on the tv confused him, if the tv was off he sometimes could see a reflection of things and i think he woundered what it was. Hope this is of some help. Janet


Registered User
Nov 2, 2006
my nan does that too. I dont know why though. My dad often goes to see her in the evening when he finishes work and when he gets in the house he finds her just standing and staring blankly though the window. Whether she's actually looking through the window, or she is just spaced and lost in her own world i don't know.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
My mother use to do that , now she does it sitting up or just laying down on the bed , eyes wide open staring in to space , I ask first time when she jump up what was she doing , thinking about , she said her thought are privet ,

now she dose a double take look at me when I ask her what she thinking about and she tell me now what she thinking about . I don’t think my mum realize what she was doing ,

You have to be careful not to take them by surprise when they stare out of the window or sitting down doing that, do not tap them from behind or they get scared so become angry

Always approach from the front of them so they can see you And don’t be scared yourself , just talk calmly make a conversation
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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Rach, I think your dad is one of many. My husband wouldn`t hear of anyone coming in to help. In fact he is always needing reassurance that only the two of us live here and no one can interfere in our lives.

I`m beginning to feel it`s a form of self protection or a means of keeping it in the family. It`s also denial that things are as they were and not deteriorating.

As for the staring, there must be many reasons. I was making dinner one night and looked round to see my husband staring at me. I asked if he was OK and he said `Where will you go when you finish here?` It was as if he thought I was just visiting or helping, it was really odd, as if he were trying to make sense of his mixed up world.

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