Struggling

[Red Rosebud]

After a prolonged period of end of life care, watching, waiting and wishing my dear Mum passed away peacefully earlier this month. The past few weeks have been so busy arranging the funeral, travelling, sorting out things and sending thank you notes. Now all the activity has come to a grinding halt, home is chaotic as everything abandoned in the chaos and household tasks accumulated. Struggling to motivate myself but try each day to achieve something. I am feeling sad, tearful and a terrible emptiness. Strange not to be thinking how my Mum is, or to phone the care home or to plan another long distance journey to see her. The latter was my life for the past 4 - 5 years, and I am struggling to adjust to this void. I don't feel very sociable at present. I am signed off sick but almost feel worse than I did last week. Wondering when this dark period will ease and I will feel more motivated even a little happier and possibly excited about life again??

 

[stanleypj]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Red Rosebud.

I would say that what you are feeling is very normal. Many people post about the feelings you describe so well. They also, over time, tend to find that they are able to slowly get things sorted out and to start to get their life back. But no-one would pretend that this is easy. I hope you'll get support from people who have been through a similarly difficult time and that they will be able to help you more than I can, but I didn't want your heartfelt post to remain unanswered.

 

[1mindy]

After a prolonged period of end of life care, watching, waiting and wishing my dear Mum passed away peacefully earlier this month. The past few weeks have been so busy arranging the funeral, travelling, sorting out things and sending thank you notes. Now all the activity has come to a grinding halt, home is chaotic as everything abandoned in the chaos and household tasks accumulated. Struggling to motivate myself but try each day to achieve something. I am feeling sad, tearful and a terrible emptiness. Strange not to be thinking how my Mum is, or to phone the care home or to plan another long distance journey to see her. The latter was my life for the past 4 - 5 years, and I am struggling to adjust to this void. I don't feel very sociable at present. I am signed off sick but almost feel worse than I did last week. Wondering when this dark period will ease and I will feel more motivated even a little happier and possibly excited about life again??

Having gone through similar after my mum who died 8 years ago I can say with some confidence it does pass. But there are still days that I feel so helpless with my OH who has dementia ,as she did that I just want to phone her and ask her advice. And when cooking I think I will phone mum and ask her how to do x y or z .Odd really.

The thing I will say is as much as you may just burst into tears without warning or just have a blank moment or two ,get yourself back to work as soon as you can .You then have less time to think.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Red Rosebud

There are no rules for managing grief or life after loss.

Allow yourself to drift, allow yourself the time you haven`t had for yourself for a long while. I understand you would rather not have that time, especially when it feels so empty but it`s how it is .

I also understand the antisocial feelings. I think they are perfectly normal too. I know I can`t be bothered with trivia or what feels to be empty chit chat.

You are doing well trying to attend to just one task each day. It`s enough for the moment.

The time will come when it becomes a bit easier for you.

 

[Jessbow]

Whist we run round like headless chickens for years, trying to keep endless balls in the air somehow we manage..... Sometimes we'd feel we were dropping one, and adrenalin kicks in and we catch it before it falls.

Now you have one less ball to juggle, the pattern has to change, and you are so fired with keeping them all up, you find it hard to adjust- quite understandable- who wouldn't after so long.

in the last few weeks you have had different balls, again, all needing to be juggled, managed and dealt with, which no doubt you have done admirably.

The juggle pattern is changing again. Grab one ball and keep that in the air before you add any more. Get hold of ONE thing at a time and work at it, and only when that is 'normal' add something else.

I am sure you have 100 things still to do, but getting back to wok ( to put a structure in) might be the key If you can. Without work, we have hour and hours with nothing but the situation to fill our minds.

Be kind to yourself, but at the same time , grab that first ball.

 

[Effy]

I am so sorry you have lost your dear mum and on top of everything else you are now having to try and find a way to cope with the void left by a change to whatever awful routine this dreadful disease had brought to your life.
I lost my darling dad 4 months ago, so I know how you are feeling. I think we both need to listen to what everyone tells us, that things will get better in time and in the meantime, just keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep plodding on and find some comfort in the support others offer. For what it is worth, please know I'm walking along this path with you.


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