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Struggling

Romf

New member
Jul 6, 2020
8
0
Does anyone else just cry because you don’t know what to do and exhausted from caring /running 2 households and working. I know crying doesn’t get you anywhere 😢Alzheimer’s/dementia is a cruel illness and very hard for those who care for a loved one and frustrating for those going through it. Just finding it hard and I know it’s only going to get worse 😢😢
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,125
0
If you are too exhausted then it is time to take a realistic look at the care plan. Carers don't help their cared-for by wearing themselves out, and you need to kee yourself in good condition so you can carry on caring. Can you get more help? Has your PWD had a needs assessment recently?
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
239
0
I agree with Martin. It is not possible, long term, to run two households without help. You need to delegate as much as possible to paid carers. Carers could help with washing and dressing, give your relative breakfast and perhaps a light lunch, wash the dishes, administer any medication and wash and dry your relative's clothes. You might also think about engaging a cleaner. Your relative might be resistant to outside help but you need to persist, otherwise you will get burnt out and won't be able to do anything for him/her. Believe me, even with carers in you will still have plenty to do as there is much that cannot be delegated, particularly in relation to your mother's finances and the upkeep of the house.

Another thing is that if you spend all your time with your relative rushing around doing chores then you will have no time to spend just being with your relative, which is what s/he wants.

Your relative should be able to claim Attendance Allowance (which is a non-means tested benefit) and might be able to claim a Council Tax discount or exemption. This will help you pay for care if your relative is not entitled to have the full costs of the care paid for by the Local Authority.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,766
0
Nottinghamshire
(((Hugs))) @Romf . I’ve been where you are now.

As the others have said getting some outside help will make life much easier all round. I didn’t think my dad would accept carers (if asked if he needed help he always said “My daughter will look after me”) but, by introducing them gradually he soon had help in 3 times a day. This made an enormous difference to me, dad enjoyed the new visitors and both his house and mine were better looked after!

Please consider getting in as much help as possible before it all becomes too much.
 

quickstepqueen

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
14
0
You've done absolutely the right thing in offloading here and asking for advice. Alot of us have been there too and it's incredibly tiring. We started off by having carers come in just once a day. Start slowly and increase. My Great Aunt was very anti-carers, though actually, once she was started on donepizil (mixed dementia) we noticed she was more rational and less resistant. She now has carers 4 times a day but was still anti - night time carers lol
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
239
0
Relatives are generally resistant to changes in the home and that includes having carers in but often they get used to them and even look forward to their visits. It obviously helps if you can have the same person or couple of people rather a whole string of people. I recommend writing down very precisely your relative's likes and dislikes, habits and quirks as this well help the carer build a good relationship with him/her and avoid upset. Little things such as knowing that your relative likes to have a drink before s/he eats his/her breakfast or likes to butter his own toast can make such a difference as your relative will feel that his/her wishes are being respected.

I would also write down practical information about how the house runs eg where the replacement lightbulbs are kept / eg how the recycling works in your area / eg when they bins are put out. The idea is that you don't want the carers ringing up with trivial queries all the time; you want to have that time off without being troubled by texts and calls about the house.