My mother is 87 with mixed dementia. She has had it for about 5 years and lives at home with my Dad who is 88. He suffers from depression and does not want to know anything about mam's illness , infact he wouldn't even attend the hospital appt with her when she received her diagnosis. He has little patience with her and this is mainly due to the fact she is deaf even with hearing aids. Last year mam was in a nursing home for 4 months as she developed additional confusion ontop of the dementia due to some type of infection. Dad visited her daily and obviously missed her but seemed more concerned about the cost than anything else. Once back home mam did ok with daily activities. However the lockdown has made her confusion worse. She asks about dad all the time, "who is he? Are we married? Who is the one I had the anniversary with? Etc. But she only asks these questions of my sister and me. My brother lives away and when he does see her he always says mam is not as bad as I make out. Dad has not adhered to the lock down and even came to my house ( I am his carer and go to theirs daily) as he " doesn't know what to do with her as she wants to go out".They are both in receipt of AA and have a cleaner and a Care assistant who helps mam with showers and personal care. Before the lock down I had arranged for her to attend a day club for dementia patients, but she went twice and refused to go back as Dad didn't want her too as it was "too expensive". ?I just feel frustrated at the min with them both which makes me feel guilty as obviously mam cannot help having her illness. There is no way they could stay in their home without our support and I feel Dad is turning to us more and more for support and solutions where mam is concerned but he doesn't want to spend anything to help.
I hope when lockdown ends mam's activities will start up and she will improve. However, if not, I do wonder how much longer she can stay at home. Looking after them is a chore at present which is a difficult thing to admit.
I hope when lockdown ends mam's activities will start up and she will improve. However, if not, I do wonder how much longer she can stay at home. Looking after them is a chore at present which is a difficult thing to admit.