Struggling

[postigen]

Well ive not been on here for a long time. Yesterday was the day I lost my OH to 24hr residential care. Ive looked after him on his Alzheimer's journey for the past 8 years. I feel lost, guilty, heartbroken I cant believe how painful this is. I feel like Ive given up on him. Even though I know its best for both of us. Endless lack of sleep and constant care just couldnt be sustained. Somebody please tell me it will get better. I keep being told you've done an amazing job etc etc. But I love him and Id go on if I could. Its so hard

 

[lemonjuice]

yI'm probably not the right person to be asking just at the moment. Being so exhausted you feel it's the only thing between you and insanity is one thing. Accepting it emotionally is an entirely different matter/ And my mother's been 6 years in her NH come next year. It seems the longer she's been there the less I have any say over what happens to her and how she's treated.

Sorry, been having a hard time recently so probably mu view is slightly discoloured.

However most people do seem to cope better emotionally than it seems I do.

Just didn't want you feelng nobody cared before the site closes down for the new upgrades.

 

[karaokePete]

I'm only at the start of the journey with my OH so I can't offer any advice.

I just wanted to say that I hope some comfort comes to both you and your OH. Good luck to you both.

 

[canary]

Of course you havent given up on him, hun - you will still be his carer, just not the hands-on stuff and you will be able to sleep. You will become his advocate and voice when he has none; you will liaise with staff; you will sort out his clothes and toiletries and buy new ones; you will bring in treats for him; depending on his abilities you might be able to take him out to a cafe, or sit with him in the garden on nice days. Yes, there will be difficult days too and it will take you both time to settle and adjust. Its not easy for the knowledge that this is for the best to travel from your head to your heart, but you will get there. I found I got to know the staff, other residents and their families and it became a sort of extended family to me.
xx

 

[irismary]

Hi postigen, yes it gets better. My oh has been in a lovely care home nearly 3 months. Its still early days for me and yes its still very odd. However I have gone from being exhausted and irritable to reasonably normal if still somewhat sad and a bit lonely but rebuilding a life takes time. But you know what - I love visiting him every day, I look forward to it, its a joy. He is a bit up and down, sometimes sleepy but he is safe, loves the company, watches the carers all the time, loves the music they play (cds I took in which got other family to take some in), laughs a lot, is pleased to see me and is ok when I leave him - I just say I am going to see mom (also in a care home with Alzheimer's), going to work etc. I am very fortunate and I hope you are too with the way its gone. I feel guilty its gone so well. Is it a perfect home - no - nowhere is. Is it better than him being at home - yes without doubt. I really hope it goes well for you. You are his voice, the person who cares more than anyone else, its an act of love to make sure he gets the best possible care.