Hi
@Jojohove,
Your situation sounds so familiar and I'm so sorry you've found yourself in this position.
I had been concerned about my mum for a while but my dad wouldn't acknowledge that there was a problem.
My dad had cancer and a heart condition and had to go into hospital to have a pacemaker fitted. I took the opportunity to take her to see her GP and asked for her to be referred to the Memory Clinic, which happened surprisingly quickly to my relief. It felt (and probably seems) underhanded, but I knew she needed help and the earlier the better, for both their sakes. My dad accepted what I'd done but considered that I was meddling and causing trouble and treated me accordingly becoming off-hand and distant with me, as did my brother because he thought that she was simply attention seeking! Neither my brother nor my dad wanted my mum to have any medication but went along to the appointments, Dad talked Mum out of any recommendations of tablets but eventually agreed for her to have Rivastigmine patches (which helped her).
It wasn't long before my dad's cancer progressed to the point where he was confined to a chair or bed and relying on Mum to be his carer when his formal carers were not there, which was very challenging for them both. Her Alzheimers became worse, she became so aggressive having tantrums whenever a Dr. or any other health professional came to see Dad, she tried to sack his carers and overall made life very difficult.
It was at this stage that he confided in me that his reluctance to have an official diagnosis for Mum was because he was afraid that "they" would take her away from him!
This broke my heart.
I never dreamt that this would ever happen, never mind it would be in his head!
About 2 weeks before he passed my mum started her course of Memantine, at his request....she changed almost overnight back into the gentle person she had been.
I know that you're still battling with your dad, I don't know if this has arisen from a situation like this or has been more long term but is there any way that you can have a conversation with him about your mum? Maybe the same thing is going through his head that went through my dad's and needs assurance that she won't be taken away and helping her would be good for them both.
I apologise for this long post and wish you the very best of luck in everything