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Struggling with grief

JudgeJulie

New member
Oct 27, 2020
3
This time last year I lost my great aunt who was my best friend and role model. I miss her so much and miss talking to her.
No one in the family knows that I'm feeling like this but I'm finding it hard to 'move on'. She taught me loads of things in life and we were close. She was my mother and father when they were not there. I dont really have any other close females in my life. I just really miss her.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,253
69
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @JudgeJulie. I’m so sorry for you loss.

I’m glad you have found DTP and I know you will always find someone to talk to here. There will always be someone here to listen and to support you.

Keep posting.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,131
Kent
It`s difficult to fill the gaping hole left by someone who was so special to you @JudgeJulie. It`s something we have to live with as the natuaral `circle of life` but knowing this doesn`t make it any easier.

When someone has been so important, we cannot expect the grief we feel at their loss to be over in a set time. The empty hole will always be there but hopefully in time it will heal.

There are many who have never had the good fortune to have experienced such love and the deeper the love the greater the loss.
 

JudgeJulie

New member
Oct 27, 2020
3
Thank you both for your kind words. It means a lot just to know that there are others that have an understanding of caring for someone with dementia.
The memories I have of great aunt Decima are even more vivid now which makes me happy but upsets me at the same time.
She didn't remember giving me away at my wedding which broke my heart but knowing the person she was, she couldn't help that.
She was a fantastic, independent, classy lady with a wicked sense of humour.
I just wish I could have taken away her suffering 😔
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
205
I know exactly how you feel; it's getting near the anniversary of my mum's passing, and sometimes I feel fine but then I hear some music and that starts me off. What I miss is how, even up the end( I lived with her) she was
always on my side. I could have a lousy day at work, or I might be under the weather and she would say I dont like to see you not well. Even with the dementia, she was my shield in a way. Its the loss of the relationship with the person, every person has a unique relationship that hurts. She knew at some deep level that she would pass soon; she once said to me: it's a shame that love has to die. I used to get driven to distraction by her repeating the same question, but what wouldn't I give to have her back now?
 

JudgeJulie

New member
Oct 27, 2020
3
I know exactly how you feel; it's getting near the anniversary of my mum's passing, and sometimes I feel fine but then I hear some music and that starts me off. What I miss is how, even up the end( I lived with her) she was
always on my side. I could have a lousy day at work, or I might be under the weather and she would say I dont like to see you not well. Even with the dementia, she was my shield in a way. Its the loss of the relationship with the person, every person has a unique relationship that hurts. She knew at some deep level that she would pass soon; she once said to me: it's a shame that love has to die. I used to get driven to distraction by her repeating the same question, but what wouldn't I give to have her back now?
Thank you CWR. Decima was the same as your mom by the sound of it, in terms of the fact that she never judged, never told me off when I was younger, she just talked to me and asked my opinions on things and we would have a natter like two old biddies even though we had a 40 year age gap. I had more in common with her than most women my age and she always fought my corner like your mom did with you.
I have Decimas fur coat hanging in my wardrobe and sometimes when I feel lost I bury my head in it to smell her scent.
I still have her jewellery to sort through and I just can't part with any of it.