Hi everyone, this is the first time I’ve ever posted in a forum. I guess I always feel other people have it harder than me. But I am struggling to cope emotionally now. Basically my mum is 81 and my father died in Nov 2016. Mum didn’t cope at all with his passing, I dealt with everything financial, medical, everything - she became quite vague and forgetful and I put it down to grief. It was very hard though as the only person she accepted help from was me. Fast forward to September 2018 and she fell and broke her shoulder in Italy on a short break (scuse the pun!) with my older brother. She had surgery over there and reacted very badly to the operation and whole experience- I had to fly over as I speak Italian and I thought I just needed to help with her flying home - when in fact she suffered from post operative delirium very seriously and I ended up staying nearly 2 weeks with no sleep, she was given anti psychotic drugs etc as she lost the plot. I knew her treatment was wrong and was battling it all the way. But basically with the break she had drastic nerve damage and lost the use of her arm and hand (which is gradually coming back, now a year down the line) Plus serious delirium. She ended up in hospital on her return to the UK then a respite home for a month before her own home with carers 3 times a day. Around Easter time after hundreds of other physical medical appointments the GP finally said we needed to look at mum’s memory and told me what I had already guessed that she has vascular dementia and possibly Alzheimer’s. Due at the memory clinic on 11th Sept for more investigation and info- as far as mum is concerned in her mind she’s fine. So.........I find myself with 3 kids, ages 10,8 and 3, I am self employed, with a husband who is self employed and my mum who lives 10 minutes away. I have to take her to her many physio and hospital appointments as she can’t remember so much I need to reply for her, she doesn’t realise the financial strain that is on me. She wants to be involved in everything with me and my family even though she physically can’t keep up, she is unpleasant to her carers and people who offer to help her - she seems to only want help from me, but still with all that I do it is still never enough. I see that she is lonely, depressed and not herself - as we are early days with her diagnosis I assume I will discover a bit more about dementia and her character changes, but I am at my limit after nearly 3 years one way or another - I feel trapped. I have 2 brothers but they don’t live nearby, one is abroad. I feel like my family are suffering as a result as well. I’m not always my nicest self with them. They often have to endure visits to grandma’s - and actually all she does is fall asleep. So many people tell me I need to live my life and enjoy my children but I find it difficult to step back. Mum recognises everyone and ‘presents’ very well as they say, so on the surface doesn’t have a problem - but she has shut herself off from everyone apart from me. And I am cracking under the pressure of it. I now find I am lying to my mum about what i’m doing this weekend because I don’t want to involve her - I am only 41, I should be able to spend time with my own family andnot feel guilty shouldn’t I?? I saw her for 3 hours today...... and her dog and her dog walker/carer have just had a run in that i’ve Been dragged into! It’s the final straw! I hope I don’t sound selfish - I do love my mum but am finding it all too much at the moment. And I am also very aware that things will only get worse......., Soooooooo sorry for the ridiculously long post! Seems I needed to off load!! Anyone got any pearls of wisdom or just a virtual hug to offer me?