My mum is 82. She has been my best friend and my morale compass all my life. 5 yrs ago she was diagnosed with chronic uti and unspecified demetia linked to the uti. Focus was on the uti's which have not subsided. I have battl3d to get support and insight from joined up services but my mum is no longer the person I know. She is always agitated, afraid, hallucinates. She sometimes knows my name and face but not our relationship. She has become abusive and aggressive which is hard to take and she has the same repetitive conversation over and over, day in and out. She doesnt recognise her own home most of the time. I can no longer cope. I share a patched up care with my brother and both are reluctant to admit we can no longer do this. We live her immensely and her windows of vulnerability is what keep us going but even for me this is now wearing thin and I can no longer cope and dont want to just keep soldering on like this. The nights of not sleeping because she is hyper agitated and the daily toiletting disasters is now too much for me. All of the services have been of little help and I am exhausted from having to manage them and prompt them to work together with little feedback or options for me. I am lost, I dont know who I am anymore and where my life starts and my mums ends. So much energy is taken to supporting my mum and her wishes I have nothing left for me. I feel a huge amount of guilt, sadness and that I have let her and myself down by now wanting to consider placing her in care. Am I wrong? Is it too soon? Should I keep trying to make it work? I dont know what to do. This decision is huge and I feel massively plagued by guilt but I dont feel I have any more to give. I cant stop crying as I dont knkw what to do. My brother defaults to me but this is epic for me. I love her so much, I have tried to protect her. I miss her but I am not in control and cannot ignore this feeling of being overwhelmingly trapped, a sense of duty and loving her and wanting to protect her as best I can. Has anyone else felt like this? Helpless!