Hi. Thought I’d introduce myself & see if anyone has had similar problems to us, & if they could suggest some means of coping & dealing with things.
Gran is 86 in February & was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease late 2005, although I had suspected she was a sufferer years before that. She is too far advanced to receive any medication. Mum & I are her main carers, my aunt ‘helps’ in her own unconstructive, argumentative way.
SS seem very unwilling to help despite my mum being disabled herself with prolapsed discs in her spine. I inherited the same condition & am awaiting further surgery so am limited with the support & help I can give. I also have 2 boys in school & live 25 miles away (as does mum) so my time during the day is limited.
We have managed to organise a ‘carer’ for 30 mins at 8.30am & 4.30pm, in order to ensure Gran gets her tablets, has breakfast & has had her meal during the afternoon. Last week, the carer was unable to gain access to the house, two days running. Gran had left her key in the lock; she forgets to take it out. Instead of alerting someone the carer presumed Gran was still in bed asleep and left!! So for two days that week, she never got her Blood pressure tablets, her appetite stimulant & anti-depressant. Not once did anyone ring us & say “it’s been 2 days without a response.” It’s only when Gran realises what the noise is that she answers the phone when we ring her to know she is still alive. The carer is always accepting of the fact the Gran’s had breakfast when she gets there, even though there is no evidence of anything having been eaten. She is never just given something to eat, she is always offered. As far as Gran’s concerned, if she had her meal yesterday, she’s had her breakfast thank you very much, she has no awareness of time gone by.
We have a private company making meals for her 5 days of the week. Sometimes, if she’s remembered to remove the key from the lock, Gran forgets where she’s put it & the guy can’t get the meal into the house. There is a key safe beside the front door & he was given the number for the pad but refuses to use it. Consequently Gran’s meal gets left on the doorstep until the carer arrives at 4.30pm always presuming she can get in!!
We asked SS to provide a carer for lunchtimes on the days we can’t be there, to make sure her meal is in the house, warm it for her & sit her down to it. No, they won’t do it. The meal is provided by an outside source. They would do it if we could leave ready made meals in the fridge for her, but because the meal is ready made and DELIVERED, they won’t touch it. Where’s the sense in that?! They suggested we get Gran to a dietician as she’s so underweight & get some meal supplements for her. If the carer isn’t making her breakfast, & they can’t help with meals at lunch time when is she supposed to be given that & by whom?! We just can’t be there every day.
Gran has recently started to turn her fire off but leave the gas escaping. Knowing this, the carers left a box of matches on top of the fire for Gran to light the fire, & possibly blow herself to pieces when the gas has been escaping all night! We have now had the fire isolated, so she can’t use it, which upset her a great deal, she now thinks we want her to freeze to death because we want her in her box (her words!).
All this & SS tell us that Gran “doesn’t fit the criteria” for residential care. She’s not a risk to herself apparently. She's fallen downstairs once and broken her wrist, does she have to break her neck? When in bed on a night she is scared to death of the ‘men downstairs’ who don’t exist, telling us she’d be able to run from them if she only knew how to get out of the house she’s lived in for 52 years. She loses the door key because ‘them little boys that come’ take it & hide it apparently. She tells us the little boys are her sons (who are now late 50’s & late 60’s). One lives in Peterborough, the other in Cyprus (he has no wish to be told when & if Gran dies!)
Mum is close to a nervous breakdown with looking after her. Her sister ‘helps out’ by picking arguments with Gran over the odd things she does & says; she just won’t leave it. Mum is looking after Gran’s finances & is frequently accused of stealing her pension, & wanting her gone so that she can have Gran’s house. Mum can’t talk about her without biting back tears.
Wits end doesn’t cover it. I am soooo aware, through these boards, that there are people much worse off than us, but surely elderly people are entitled to a little more help than they get? SS just don’t seem to want to know, just because there are family around, who live 25 miles away & have disabilities themselves. They won’t even let one of their carers help Gran have a bath for heaven’s sake, so she only gets one when we’re there. She used to have one every day, we can’t be there every day. No one has ever assessed my mum or me for our capabilities & needs.
Sorry to go on so long. Just we don’t seem to have anyone who wants to listen & who generally gives a damn about it. It’s so unfair that Gran has to spend her last years with this illness, & we can do very little to make things easier for her.
I don’t want to get old……….
Gran is 86 in February & was diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease late 2005, although I had suspected she was a sufferer years before that. She is too far advanced to receive any medication. Mum & I are her main carers, my aunt ‘helps’ in her own unconstructive, argumentative way.
SS seem very unwilling to help despite my mum being disabled herself with prolapsed discs in her spine. I inherited the same condition & am awaiting further surgery so am limited with the support & help I can give. I also have 2 boys in school & live 25 miles away (as does mum) so my time during the day is limited.
We have managed to organise a ‘carer’ for 30 mins at 8.30am & 4.30pm, in order to ensure Gran gets her tablets, has breakfast & has had her meal during the afternoon. Last week, the carer was unable to gain access to the house, two days running. Gran had left her key in the lock; she forgets to take it out. Instead of alerting someone the carer presumed Gran was still in bed asleep and left!! So for two days that week, she never got her Blood pressure tablets, her appetite stimulant & anti-depressant. Not once did anyone ring us & say “it’s been 2 days without a response.” It’s only when Gran realises what the noise is that she answers the phone when we ring her to know she is still alive. The carer is always accepting of the fact the Gran’s had breakfast when she gets there, even though there is no evidence of anything having been eaten. She is never just given something to eat, she is always offered. As far as Gran’s concerned, if she had her meal yesterday, she’s had her breakfast thank you very much, she has no awareness of time gone by.
We have a private company making meals for her 5 days of the week. Sometimes, if she’s remembered to remove the key from the lock, Gran forgets where she’s put it & the guy can’t get the meal into the house. There is a key safe beside the front door & he was given the number for the pad but refuses to use it. Consequently Gran’s meal gets left on the doorstep until the carer arrives at 4.30pm always presuming she can get in!!
We asked SS to provide a carer for lunchtimes on the days we can’t be there, to make sure her meal is in the house, warm it for her & sit her down to it. No, they won’t do it. The meal is provided by an outside source. They would do it if we could leave ready made meals in the fridge for her, but because the meal is ready made and DELIVERED, they won’t touch it. Where’s the sense in that?! They suggested we get Gran to a dietician as she’s so underweight & get some meal supplements for her. If the carer isn’t making her breakfast, & they can’t help with meals at lunch time when is she supposed to be given that & by whom?! We just can’t be there every day.
Gran has recently started to turn her fire off but leave the gas escaping. Knowing this, the carers left a box of matches on top of the fire for Gran to light the fire, & possibly blow herself to pieces when the gas has been escaping all night! We have now had the fire isolated, so she can’t use it, which upset her a great deal, she now thinks we want her to freeze to death because we want her in her box (her words!).
All this & SS tell us that Gran “doesn’t fit the criteria” for residential care. She’s not a risk to herself apparently. She's fallen downstairs once and broken her wrist, does she have to break her neck? When in bed on a night she is scared to death of the ‘men downstairs’ who don’t exist, telling us she’d be able to run from them if she only knew how to get out of the house she’s lived in for 52 years. She loses the door key because ‘them little boys that come’ take it & hide it apparently. She tells us the little boys are her sons (who are now late 50’s & late 60’s). One lives in Peterborough, the other in Cyprus (he has no wish to be told when & if Gran dies!)
Mum is close to a nervous breakdown with looking after her. Her sister ‘helps out’ by picking arguments with Gran over the odd things she does & says; she just won’t leave it. Mum is looking after Gran’s finances & is frequently accused of stealing her pension, & wanting her gone so that she can have Gran’s house. Mum can’t talk about her without biting back tears.
Wits end doesn’t cover it. I am soooo aware, through these boards, that there are people much worse off than us, but surely elderly people are entitled to a little more help than they get? SS just don’t seem to want to know, just because there are family around, who live 25 miles away & have disabilities themselves. They won’t even let one of their carers help Gran have a bath for heaven’s sake, so she only gets one when we’re there. She used to have one every day, we can’t be there every day. No one has ever assessed my mum or me for our capabilities & needs.
Sorry to go on so long. Just we don’t seem to have anyone who wants to listen & who generally gives a damn about it. It’s so unfair that Gran has to spend her last years with this illness, & we can do very little to make things easier for her.
I don’t want to get old……….
