1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

struggling to go see mum

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by lubylou, Jan 23, 2016.

  1. lubylou

    lubylou Registered User

    Jan 5, 2015
    5
    HI, my first postt, mum has alzheimers and recently she has become aggressive, physically and verbally, she screamed in my face last sunday to get out, after a lovely meal in the pub, laughing and joking. It was like someone had flicked a switch, the speed in which she changed. The thing is, i really dont feel i can go see her, it upset and scared me, but she needs her meds and food. What do i do? Weekends there is only me to help her.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    If you really feel that you cannot support her then you need to get carers in to take over at weekends. The most important thing is that her basic needs are met - medications and food.
    My guess is that they next time you see here (or even 10 minutes later) all is forgotten and she's off on another tangent. This is typical behaviour and most of us learn to let it go over our heads, distract or walk away for a short time and come back to normality. It takes some doing but I'm afraid this is not your mum talking it is the disease and over the coming months there will be many many times when it is not your mum talking.

    Very hard journey, TP is here to support you - we've all been there and can give you help and support but your mum won't change and most of it isn't your Mum its the Alzheimers - keep telling yourself that and you will end up believing it and then life will get easier!!!

    This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

    Do have a look at it
    http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf


    Have you had a carers assessment and does your mum claim attendance allowance? There are lots of things to make life easier

    keep posting
     
  3. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,739
    Sorry just a quick thought - it would be worth getting her tested to see if she has a Urinary Tract infection - they play havoc with behaviour and also going back to the GP to say sometimes she is aggressive and could they please look at medication. Book an urgent appointment for both of you if you can
     
  4. lubylou

    lubylou Registered User

    Jan 5, 2015
    5
    Hi fizzie, thankyou for your reply, my mum has carers mon to frid as i work, but i have recently asked them to do sat aswell. She has had all the tests apart from urine as she wont give 1, the cpn is ringing me next week to see where we go from here, they have recently changed her meds to see if that alters her aggression. Im a very emotional person and really dont want mum to see me upset at any point if i can help it. I know its not her talking, but still hard to hear. Shes had this since 2005 btw. Thankyou for the link aswell, i will take a look. Also, i dont think mum is benefiting being at home on her own, shes not happy and cant look after herself, the carers go 3hrs a day. But she wont go in a care home, she still says shes ok and does everything herself, i.e, cooking cleaning shopping etc, how would i get her in a home?
     
  5. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    847
    It's a balancing act between your Mum's needs and yours.They are equally important imo.Is your mum self funding?Can she afford to pay for more care at home,possibly a live in carer?Would she agree to a day centre,she might benefit from the company.I would request carers and needs assessments from ss and make it clear to them that you can't do anymore.And get referral to MH team re her aggression,you do not have to tolerate physical aggression.Take care of yourself.
     
  6. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Unfortunately this is part of the disease for some people and it is awful. Keep her doctor informed and am sure her meds are reviewed regularly.

    Please try not to get upset. Easier said than done.

    I get so cross with the health system. Vulnerable people and care options few when people are struggling financially. Alzheimers should be a priority and people diagnosed with it have a human right to be treated with good health care and dignity. Sorry I am on my soap box!!

    Look after yourself and keep posting.

    Aisling (Ireland)
     

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