Struggling to cope and stay calm

[Luke1307]

My father who is disabled suffered a stroke which has caused him to be diagnosed with Vascular Dementia, he is also suffereing with depression. Things at home are getting so stressful, I find myself getting angry at him and others and I hate myself for it, hearing him say he wishes the stroke had killed him off is heart breaking. Even tho being disabled he likes to be as independent as possible, but even normal task now are getting harder for him. It’s putting a strain on all the family so much that things really blew up last night with my brother losing his temper and smashing a few things in the kitchen. My mum who is unwell her self tries to be strong but is struggling and I feel everything is on me, and I don’t know how much more I can handle.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Luke1307, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

This type of situation is common enough as dementia is very tough on all concerned but you have come to a place where we all understand.

Do take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc. Given your situation I would use the Factsheet about arranging a care needs assessment as a matter of urgency. Don't be afraid or slow to enlist the help of the GP as they can be useful.

There is a useful thread that covers tips for communication issues that can be found with this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...ication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/unread

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

 

[karaokePete]

If you feel it would help to talk to someone the help line can be very good. Details are
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[canary]

Depression often goes hand in hand with dementia and your dad might find that antidepressants help.
I would suggest that you get in touch with his GP

 

[Lawson58]

And maybe it might be helpful for your brother to talk to someone. You are all under stress but such behaviour as his doesn't have any place in your situation.

 

[Grannie G]

Your brother perhaps could learn to withdraw from the situation if he feels this level of aggression coming on @Luke1307. He is not being fair to anyone. Perhaps he might try to imagine how he would be if he was faced with your parents` challenges.

Are you in contact with Social Services. I know you may have to wait but you have nothing to lose by asking for help.

 

[canary]

I will also give you a link to Compassionate Communication, These guidelines can often help to keep the person with dementia calm
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/thr...n-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/#post-413710