Struggling Now

[Chuggalug]

Going back just over ten years ago now, when my late stepfather needed to go to the toilet a couple of times in the night - no dementia involved but he had two fractured hips so had severe difficulty walking - my Mum just couldn't cope with the extra bedding changes and washing involved - that she insisted on having two separate single beds instead of the double bed. Ray objected vigorously (he thought it was his moral right as a husband to share a bed with my Mum, his wife) but he was in no position to do anything about it.

Although Mum did continue to suffer from lack of sleep until Ray went into residential care, at least with the two single beds when she had to change Ray's sodden bedding in the middle of the night it helped reduce the amount of washing she had to cope with. Drying the bedding was always the problem because Mum's kitchen doesn't have room for a tumble dryer.

Perhaps if you have room for two single beds instead of a double, this option might help by reducing the amount of washing you have to cope with?

Has your Mum ever heard of a condenser dryer? These can be put in any room with enough space. Just don't put them on a carpet so they get enough air flow. I would never have managed without mine, which stood in my bedroom while husband lived with me before going into care.

Condenser dryers have a water drawer, which pulls out for emptying. There is no plumbing work to be done.

 

[esmeralda]

Well I am here waiting for the doctor because Nick was increasingly restless all evening. He obviously wanted to communicate something but couldn't put it into words. Eventually with a combination of asking him to point and asking questions -he can answer yes or no (although the answers aren't always
correct) , it transpired that he can't pass urine. He was obviously in discomfort so I phoned NHS Direct and they got a doctor to phone and he's coming out to put a catheter in. I have got him into bed, and he must have managed to wee because there was a damp patch where he had been sitting. therefore I guess he is feeling better and he's gone to sleep. Hope they don't think I'm wasting their time.
The odd thing is he uses some long complicated words to introduce a subject but then can't actually get to the point of the conversation. 'I feel.... I feel........... The problem seems to be............. etc Can go on for a very long time.
Will update after the doctor has been.
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Doc has just been. Thinks it is probably a slight UTI coupled with prostate problems. No catheter as Nick seemed to be feeling better, just ABs. All that advice on here about checking for a urine infection if there seems to be an increase in confusion is obviously spot on. Feeling - you know, that word Scarlett says we musn't use. He did seem back to normal on Monday though. Doc said hopefully this will clear it up although he may be on the edge of needing a permanent catheter. Hoping for the best.
Hope you're all fast asleep and having a good night.
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[Cat27]

Oh Es!
I hope you both managed to get some sleep & that the antibiotics kick in quickly.

 

[sleepless]

Esmeralda, I have sent you a pm, but just saw this, and have to say you have done all the right things, so no need for that g thing!
Please try to get a good night's sleep tonight, and catnap as much as you are able to today. You can't do without sleep through this.
Wishing you an easy day. x

 

[bemused1]

Get the largest stick you can find and beat that monster. All is OK, Nick is being looked after and you did the best thing you could.
Hope you got some sleep in. Good li
Uck with works.

 

[truth24]

Hope the ABs work soon, Es. You are both having a rotten time at the moment. Wish I could help. Just sending you love and a big hug.

 

[esmeralda]

Thanks Cat, you are always there with a kind word, it's lovely. And thanks to Verity, Izzy, bemused and sleepless. Your advice has been invaluable.
Still worried this morning because he's still having some problems though not as bad as last night. Keeps calling me and starting conversations that go nowhere, and he seems weaker, can't bend his leg so I can't get him standing up. I'll give him an hour or so and maybe call the GP. Good tip about emergency respite Sleepless, didn't know you could ask for that. Obviously I'd rather keep him at home.
Thank you for all your advice bemused. This underlines everything you were saying about getting hoists etc before you really need them. We've gone from me managing pretty well to it not being manageable literally overnight.
hi Chuggs, don't seem to have seen you about much, but perhaps that's just me.
Hi to anyone else I've missed. Peace and blessings
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[esmeralda]

Just phoned the office and the OT is visiting today, so probably a good thing as she can see the worst case scenario. I'll update when she's gone.
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[bemused1]

Be strong my friend and don't be fobbed off

 

[sleepless]

Nick is perhaps unsettled by the work going on in the house, and this will make him anxious when you are out of his sight. If you are able to, just sit by him and reassure him that it' all only temporary, and will be finished soon. Lots of smiles and hugs for him.
Hope the antibiotics do the trick, and that the OT comes up with lots of help -- as you say, it couldn't come at a better time.
Thinking of you both. x

 

[esmeralda]

Hi bemused, well such a good thing the OT did come today. She helped me to get the bed changed and pull ups on. We tried to get him standing but it was impossible. OT was really helpful, she is booking the Crisis Care team to come in later. She is also ordering a gantry hoist, slidesheets and a hospital bed. So good to have all the information from you, although she didn't try to fob me off at all, but I suppose she could see how I couldn't cope on my own.
Makes me very sad we have got here so soon, I know a lot of it is the infection but I am seeing change every few months. However all this will help so much.
Thanks again to everyone. I am overwhelmed with kindness, especially as you all have such problems of your own. Love to all.
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[esmeralda]

Hi Sleepless
Our posts crossed. Had to be busy this morning but will go and sit with him now, try and get him to eat something so he can have his meds. Thanks again.
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[Cat27]

Hi bemused, well such a good thing the OT did come today. She helped me to get the bed changed and pull ups on. We tried to get him standing but it was impossible. OT was really helpful, she is booking the Crisis Care team to come in later. She is also ordering a gantry hoist, slidesheets and a hospital bed. So good to have all the information from you, although she didn't try to fob me off at all, but I suppose she could see how I couldn't cope on my own.
Makes me very sad we have got here so soon, I know a lot of it is the infection but I am seeing change every few months. However all this will help so much.
Thanks again to everyone. I am overwhelmed with kindness, especially as you all have such problems of your own. Love to all.
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Well done that OT.
I do hope the crisis team come quickly & offer you some emergency respite.

 

[sleepless]

Esmeralda, we had a similar service back in the summer when my husband was taken very ill (used to be called Rapid Response Team I believe) and they were excellent, so I am so pleased you will be getting this help. It was through them that we were given the hospital bed and other things, and very quickly too.
What impressed me very much was the way that this team co-ordinated with GP, it was so impressive, when we are sadly so used to lengthy communication delays as being the norm.
I hope you find them as helpful as we did.
Ask their advice about anything and everything, they are there to support you.

 

[bemused1]

Oh , Es I am so relieved for you. Get your breath back and learn everything you can from the experts. I know how you feel that thing's have moved so fast but at least you are getting good help.
You have my full permission to sit down an cry with relief.(((((((hugs)))))))

 

[Izzy]

That's all really positive Es. I'm glad.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[esmeralda]

Thanks bemused and Izzy. Crisis Team can't get agency carers so he is going into emergency respite. I didn't want this and said I would see if either of the private carers I use for when I am out would come and help me but Nick said he would prefer to go to a CH. Asked him if he would feel safer and he said yes. Amazed he has made this decision and a bit taken aback I suppose. Think I will go and have that cry bemused

 

[Cat27]

Oh Es. I'm sending you love & hugs.

 

[bemused1]

Es that man of yours deserves huge respect. This isn't what you wanted but its probably a really good outcome. Whatever you do, look on it as a positive and not in any way a bad thing.
It must have been a shock though I can imagine. Now the builders can get stuff done, you can get rid of that fear and the necessary equipment can be put into place.
Bet you need that cry, wish I could do more than send you virtual hugs.
Always here if you need to offload.

 

[esmeralda]

Thanks Cat and bemused, virtual hugs are most welcome.
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