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Stressed out

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Seriously stressing out. Anxiety is making me feel sick. Can't get through to NH to see how Dad is. So I'll have to go.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,297
Merseyside
Seriously stressing out. Anxiety is making me feel sick. Can't get through to NH to see how Dad is. So I'll have to go.
Take some deep breaths. Slowly in & out.
Make yourself a cup of tea & try again.
If you do need to go you need to be calm enough to drive there.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,049
Yorkshire
Hi Red66
please do what Cat27 suggests - tough I know as I appreciate how very worried you are
the NH will call you if there is a need to
so take a few turns round the garden to breathe in some fresh air - then call again
you do need some time in your own home, just for a while
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Thank you guys for your patience with me. I ended up going in and dad was asleep, with a mouth full of mucus, apparently it had been cleaned several times prior. They don't want to give the hyoscine yet as he isn't agitated by it. Well, he was asleep when I saw him and yesterday he was asleep and he was panicked when some come up into his mouth. I don't want him to take drugs unnecessarily but I don't want him to suffer either and that keep happening when we're not there. Such a stressful time and thank you for all your support and advice. X
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Thanks guys, went in again last night, hardly took any drinks yesterday, just spoons here and there really. Had a couple of spoons off me and it just caused a huge problem, choking and then mucus coming. How can trying to do the right thing turn out so bad? Also, we checked his bottom and hips for bed sores, his bottom is awful, we put more creams on for him, the one on his hip worries me, the bone feels like it's going to pop out of his skin as his skin is so so thin and the hip bone is red raw. Just looks sore and if it develops I believe they can eat into bone, imagine how painful that would be. Day 6 today, already rang and can't get through, start panicking then, I know they have other residents in the nursing home and have to get them ready, breakfast and meds etc. And I know they would call if any problems, but then if they are busy doing other things then they will miss the signs. Stressing myself out. Aaagghhhh stop it.
 
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canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,193
South coast
(((((hugs))))) red. I know how easily the mind can work overtime.Try again a bit later. You are right - the CH will contact you if there are problems.
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Update, been in to see Dad this evening, he was sleepy for short bursts. I shudder to think what he weighs, be under 6 stone though now. He seems to be thinner to seeing him at midday, although I'm not sure that is possible! I noted to the NH he has oral thrush and conjunctivitis on Saturday and doc came out today and confirmed and he starts meds for that tonight. Seemed mildly agitated while he was awake but not too bad, as I say he was sleepy. Probably the best way. Just hate witnessing this, my poor Dad. Just have to take things day by day, million dollar question, how long??
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Update, 7th day no food but still taking spoons of fluid . He is completely locked in his world of staring and we cannot enter it. I just hope it's a peaceful world! He appears to be settled, although he felt extremely cold, just putting that down to no cover being on him, his forehead was lukewarm. I don't think it was a sign as his breathing was regular, but then who knows. Anxiety is a permanent state at the moment and the tension in my head is unreal. I have begun to realise I am a moaner!!!!!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,193
South coast
No red, you are not a moaner. You are telling us what is happening.
This is a very hard stage and very stressful.
((((hugs))))
 

Evie5831

Registered User
Nov 7, 2015
108
Update, 7th day no food but still taking spoons of fluid . He is completely locked in his world of staring and we cannot enter it. I just hope it's a peaceful world! He appears to be settled, although he felt extremely cold, just putting that down to no cover being on him, his forehead was lukewarm. I don't think it was a sign as his breathing was regular, but then who knows. Anxiety is a permanent state at the moment and the tension in my head is unreal. I have begun to realise I am a moaner!!!!!
Oh Red, so sorry things are so hard for you atm, I haven't been in the site for a few days and have missed all of this. Sending virtual hugs and a hand on your shoulder for support
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
You are not moaning, Red.. You are hurting. You are in pain. I feel it, as do others. ❤️ we're all with u. Thinking of u, another long night for u, I fear. Xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Thank you guys. I feel like you are my friends yet i have never met you. Feel very touched xxx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
Oh Red. Such a hard time for you. Have you reassured your dad that everything has been taken care of, that everybody will be ok, and that as you know how very tired he is now, that it's ok for him to go whenever he's ready? Because sometimes it's as if the person can't seem to let go, until they know those left behind are ok with it. xx
 

Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Oh Red. Such a hard time for you. Have you reassured your dad that everything has been taken care of, that everybody will be ok, and that as you know how very tired he is now, that it's ok for him to go whenever he's ready? Because sometimes it's as if the person can't seem to let go, until they know those left behind are ok with it. xx
Hi LadyA, I haven't. He looks scared, and although hearing is the last sense to go, I could say his name over and over and he doesn't respond. I don't want to upset hin either, but I do know what you mean. I just wonder does he realise he is dying? It's mum and dads 50th anniversary on the 20/8 I also wonder is he hanging on for that..guess I'll never know. I will reassure him tomorrow somehow, if I get that chance. X
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,101
Suffolk
Red, hearing is the last to go, don't worry if he owes them respond. Keep talking about nice things, outings, parties, holidays, hobbies he has. Anything memorable that would make him happy.

I am guessing that he has no idea of the date, or even the month.