Stressed about sorting mothers house.

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
643
Hi MaNaAk

Just been catching up with your posts, it seems to me that your brothers actually don't know how lucky they are to have you. If circumstances were different to 'caretake' a property, maintain it (pay the bills etc) and empty it, it would actually be costing them quite a bit of time and money to do it. They have you though and you are doing it all for free and they have the audacity to say you should be paying them rent, unbelievable!!! You have the patience of a saint to allow them to treat you the way they do.

Emptying and selling a property takes time, never mind the delays we are experiencing with Covid-19. It took me 5-6 months to empty my dad's house and he had been living alone there for years before he moved into the care home and I'd already been helping him take care of his house. No one was also trying to live there, so it was a lot easier. I did countless trips to the tip in my car, got a charity to take what they wanted and the council to take some bigger items that I couldn't get rid off, I still have my own garage now full of things I couldn't just throw away. It also took 4 months for all the sales/legal stuff to go through and that was with no chain and first time buyers.

So as you have not got Probate through yet or put the property on the market, I see no reason for you to rush to move out. As long as you agree to be out of the property before the actual agreed completion date, what is their problem? The day I handed the keys over to my dad's house, I visited it for the last time to say my goodbyes, to read meters, leave the new owners a card, some flowers and bubbly and say goodbye to the neighbours. It was quite emotional as it had been my family home for 50+ years. I suspect it might too be quite emotional for you too. x
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,386
Suffolk
@canary,
Just to butt in on jigsaws. I love them. Have done some wasgijs, borrowed from a group that I used to belong to. I have a number of Wentworth ones, bought when I got an extremely good discount! I’ve gone up to 1500 pieces which just fitted on my board. My cousin did one of 3000 last winter - it took her the whole of the winter! Unfortunately now Im not so good with them, just can’t always see the fit! I’m doing one of 21 sparrows at the moment, but think I’ll give it up.
 

Lynmax

Registered User
Nov 1, 2016
505
It's so hard trying to empty a house, so many memories. My mum has just gone into a care home and we have decided to rent the houses (well my three siblings want to and I am going with the majority vote!) So we need to empty it but everything is taking longer due to lockdown. My brother and sister did some initial clearing and took a lot of stuff to the tip then we all met to look at the nicer things - nothing of value other than sentimental. I have offered to store a FEW boxes until my other sister can come over from thevUS and also to allow my children to choose a couple of momentos but my brother really struggled to let anything go - it was quite sweet actually!

We have not yet seem mums room at the care home so are not sure what items she could have there so I've got more than I wanted at my house for the tine being.

We now need to demolish the garage using a specialist company as it is made of aspestos, erect a new one so tenants have access to storage, get decorators in, get a skip for furniture and junk, get carpets cleaned etc etc. It going to take a long time!

Luckily mum care home fees are paid for by the Gvt under Covid 19 funding until the "end of the emergency" whenever that it!

I don't envy anyone clearing a house on their own, there are three of us to organise things and I'm finding that overwhelming. It has taken me three nights just to shred the years of bank statements and bills! And as for the old photos!
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
1,927
It's so hard trying to empty a house, so many memories. My mum has just gone into a care home and we have decided to rent the houses (well my three siblings want to and I am going with the majority vote!) So we need to empty it but everything is taking longer due to lockdown. My brother and sister did some initial clearing and took a lot of stuff to the tip then we all met to look at the nicer things - nothing of value other than sentimental. I have offered to store a FEW boxes until my other sister can come over from thevUS and also to allow my children to choose a couple of momentos but my brother really struggled to let anything go - it was quite sweet actually!

We have not yet seem mums room at the care home so are not sure what items she could have there so I've got more than I wanted at my house for the tine being.

We now need to demolish the garage using a specialist company as it is made of aspestos, erect a new one so tenants have access to storage, get decorators in, get a skip for furniture and junk, get carpets cleaned etc etc. It going to take a long time!

Luckily mum care home fees are paid for by the Gvt under Covid 19 funding until the "end of the emergency" whenever that it!

I don't envy anyone clearing a house on their own, there are three of us to organise things and I'm finding that overwhelming. It has taken me three nights just to shred the years of bank statements and bills! And as for the old photos!
I had to buy a new shredder for dads papers, they went back to the 90's At least dad was a very tidy person and he never hoarded stuff that he didn't need but it has still taken me 5 months up to now. The garden badly needs attention but then again so does mine but if it's not too hot it's too cold.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
Again thankyou all for your replies I will be gardening, dusting and hoovering today as well as teaching. By the way have you all tried to do three dimensional jigsaws like the ones I used to see in the old Past Times shops.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
My nana and I never finished my Notre Dame jigsaw because we struggled with the sky and water.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
I had to buy a new shredder for dads papers, they went back to the 90's At least dad was a very tidy person and he never hoarded stuff that he didn't need but it has still taken me 5 months up to now. The garden badly needs attention but then again so does mine but if it's not too hot it's too cold.
I'm looking forward to using my new shredder and I am proud of what I've done with the garden. Have you tried three dimensional jigsaws @Duggies-girl ?

MaNaAk
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,247
My new shredder arrived yesterday. I've got masses to shred - my docs as well as mum's - so it will take me ages to get through it all but I'm finding it strangely therapeutic to put the paper in and see it turn into confetti :)
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
186
I was surprised today; out of the blue, I suddenly missed mum. No thing triggered it. it just came. Wait a minute; I met up with a pal in town. We spoke about a botanic garden near Dunoon, and I sent him some of my pics, including some of mum. I was fine when I sent them, but now I'm not I feel ok mentioning it here. I feel if I mention it to my partner ( he lives in london, ours is a long distance relationship) that he doesnt really understand. I didnt just live with mum; we were very close, always were. I get the feeling that some people think I should be getting over it, but sometimes it feels as raw as ever. Other times I feel ok, can chat about her and feel ok.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,296
69
Dundee
I’m glad you decided to share here @CWR. You know that people here will understand. Even after 4 years I find myself caught up in flood of missing my husband. That’s ok. Our grief is ours and we each need to live through it/with it in our own ways.

Wishing you strength.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
186
One day I was at work and a woman came over to pay for photocopies. She looked at me and asked if my mother had ever stayed at a certain care home? I said yes, for respite. She gave mums name and said she was a carer there, said that mum was always talking about me, saying I worked in the library, sang my praises. Thinking back on this, it has often given me consolation. Like wise when mum went to her lunch club and I went down to the bus to collect her, mum's face would light up when she saw me. When I feel I should have been more patient with her, I think of these times and know she loved me with all my faults.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
I was surprised today; out of the blue, I suddenly missed mum. No thing triggered it. it just came. Wait a minute; I met up with a pal in town. We spoke about a botanic garden near Dunoon, and I sent him some of my pics, including some of mum. I was fine when I sent them, but now I'm not I feel ok mentioning it here. I feel if I mention it to my partner ( he lives in london, ours is a long distance relationship) that he doesnt really understand. I didnt just live with mum; we were very close, always were. I get the feeling that some people think I should be getting over it, but sometimes it feels as raw as ever. Other times I feel ok, can chat about her and feel ok.
Dear CWR,

I know how it feels. One day everything seems then another day something happens and it all comes back. I listened to some blank cassettes the other day to find out what was on them only to find recordings of mum and dad's old records so of course all the memories of the two of them came flooding back.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
One day I was at work and a woman came over to pay for photocopies. She looked at me and asked if my mother had ever stayed at a certain care home? I said yes, for respite. She gave mums name and said she was a carer there, said that mum was always talking about me, saying I worked in the library, sang my praises. Thinking back on this, it has often given me consolation. Like wise when mum went to her lunch club and I went down to the bus to collect her, mum's face would light up when she saw me. When I feel I should have been more patient with her, I think of these times and know she loved me with all my faults.
Dear CWR ,

I'm exactly the same with dad. HIs face would light up when I visited him.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,265
Essex
I would contact the CAB about the books etc., just to be doubly sure. I am fortunate insofar as the house is in my name, and the only money ( apart from insurances) was the joint account which I transferred to my account. Plus, it did help that none of the Mafia were involved at all! Check out this article on donating books to charity before probate.
Dear @CWR,

I have just checked the above link with regard to the books and probate and I will check what we put on the forms. I will check everything before I donate anything to charity.

MaNaAk
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
186
That sounds a good idea; nothing worse than inadvertently doing something amiss and having people breathe down your neck . Last thing you need right now. Take care