Stressed about sorting mothers house.

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,491
Suffolk
Unless there is any expensive ornaments, of course. They will have to be sold on the right market if none of the family want them.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,707
66
Toronto, Canada
Books really can be a glut on the market. I had to get rid of about 1,000 when we moved (think a couple of boxes that should have gone to the apartment went to the charity shop) but still have about 2,000 I guess. When I was single, I once told my sister (who would have got them) that I would like it if they were kept all together. The look on her face was priceless. I then said I would be dead so it wouldn't matter.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,091
West Hertfordshire
I still have most of mum's clothes in the living room. I can't bring myself yet to get rid of them.It would feel like disposing of her. Like wise with her ashes.
Any milage in the thought that there maybe someone out there who has a need for them, which might bring some comfort?
Any homeless hostel that might need say Coats & Jumpers? Put them to good use, as well as move them on?
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
My local council does a clothes collection each week but most of dad's clothes went to a children's charity and I am in contact with another charity that will be starting collections again at some point. I have to admit that I have enjoyed finding things that I didn't know we had but the memories still get to me.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
Can I just confirm does everyone think it would be okay to give books and ornaments to charity before probate? Also we won't give away anything that we think is valuable.

Thankyou my wonderful friends

MaNaAk

You have guided me through my path and are continuing to guide me
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,624
South coast
I would be inclined to check with your siblings first to see if there are things that they would like to keep. Sometimes its the small, non-valuable things that mean most. I am using a small jug that came from Spain. It is of no value at all, except to me. I remember mum using it and how much that memento of a holiday made her happy. My Brother specifically asked for a picture that she had. It was only a print, but it had hung in the lounge ever since I can remember.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,093
@manak after going through dads house contents I realised that there was very little that had any monetary worth. My brother doesn't want anything and I have found myself with a roomful of stuff that are just memories that I can't bear to chuck away.

I have a suitcase full of photos and umpteen nicknacks that I would not usually give house room to but because they were dads I don't like to throw them.

As for probate unless there are particularly valuable items you really don't need to worry. Dad had 2 nice TV's so I put 500 pounds down for the house contents which was quite optimistic to be honest. Everything else has been given away or very sadly will go to the recycling depot. I have all of dads treasures which sadly are worth nothing but I will treasure them anyway.

It's all very sad really but it has made me look at my own home differently and I have realized that I have a lot to chuck out very soon.

I sympathise with you as I have tried to find homes for everything including around 20 ships in bottles and I can't keep them all.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
Thankyou, you two to a certain extent it's made me feel quite good having a clear out and I am continuing to find things that I didn't know we had. Today a lot of stuff (rubbish really) is going and I will continue sorting out boxes. Then I need to photograph them and send them to my brothers with an email as one of my brothers lives along way away. Sad to say that although I think we can work things through I am a bit nervous after being told that my behaviour is abominable.

MaNaAk

PS: You have both done so well.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,091
West Hertfordshire
What part of your behaviour are they deeming abominable? The speed at which you are doing things...or something else?

Given that seller are probably fed up and stuck in housing chains that cannot complete, now might be a good idea to really focus on finding a new place and see if you can get some viewings booked in. People might be better receptive to offers if their chains are falling apart
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
This is my youngest brother who said that my behaviour is abominable. Yes he thinks things are moving slowly and that I should about the house to which I agree. He also thinks I haven't paid rent to dad, contributed to household bills maintenance which is untrue and it seems that I kept making trips to the CAB to get dad into a less appropriate care home so that I can stay here. After dad went into the home I made three trips to the CAB but not all of them was about me staying here.

MaNaAk
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,624
South coast
I actually think that its your your youngest brothrs behaviour that is abominable. He is accusing you of things that you havent done and wants you out even before probate is complete.

Thats just not on.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
This is why I love coming on here because you're all so wonderful. In normal circumstances I would be fitting in housework, teaching and rehearsal on a Wednesday and clearing was fitted in other times. However I am doing housework and clearing and looking at properties for myself on the Internet and the possibility of paying rent to my brothers, houses hare and so on and renting a house/flat. As I've said before apart from the emotional side of the clearing and physical side of it when I've cleaned up afterwards I am satisfied with being in a clean environment. If moved out before the house is sold or probate is through who's going to keep the house clean?

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,739
Essex
Also when this is all sorted I will have a wealth of experience to advice other people on this forum just as my wonderful friends here have advised me.

MaNaAk
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,190
Dorset
I would point out to your brother that the house insurance is dependent on there being somebody living in the property.
As for your behaviour being abominable because you are doing all the bloody work and did it all when looking after your Dad, I would be tempted to tell him to take a running jump if he cannot be more appreciative of all that you’re doing and have done!
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
879
Hi @MaNaAk, I agree your brother is extremely fortunate that you have been there to support Dad, and now to sort his estate. I'm afraid unless you have walked in those shoes you will have no real understanding of what that actually means and what it takes to do that. It's extremely disappointing not to have that understanding or recognition, I'm afraid it says more about your siblings really which is a real shame as what you need in a time like this is support and harmony. Stay strong. All the best.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,093
@MaNaAk I saw my brother last week and he is chuffed at how well it has worked out for him because he is going to retire this year and he has managed to work all the way through. He said it is lucky for him that I don't work anymore and that he can just let me get on with everything without him worrying about things.

Yeah Thanks for that.

I don't think he has had to take even one day off throughout dad's illness.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,624
South coast
If moved out before the house is sold or probate is through who's going to keep the house clean?
A very good point, plus the point that @Banjomansmate makes - insurance companies insist that someone is there as part of the insurance T&Cs. Getting insurance for an empty house is a load of hassle and very expensive.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
879
Getting insurance for an empty house is a load of hassle and very expensive.
I can vouch for that! You are also required by many to drain down systems etc when winter approaches. Also full rate Council Tax can become payable - this depends on the rules of your local authority. So there is quite a lot to consider. Most think that a property will sell quite quickly but that isn't always the case.