Stressed about sorting mothers house.

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,134
Dear Charles,

Today is mum's twelfth anniversary and it is just over a year since dad and I still shed tears when I hear some music. I have found that since losing dad not only am I grieving for him but also my dear mum. The two of them were inseparable and as carers we have extra special memories so please keep sharing them on here.

MaNaAk
@MaNaAk When mum died 2011 I went straight into looking after dad, not full time but lunch three times a week and staying over once or twice a week, just giving him my time I suppose.. I never had time to grieve for mum because I was looking after dad. I talk to mum a lot now, dad to but mostly mum. I like to think they are together and happy.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
I find I chat quite a bit when I am not chatting on here or to friends. I've been round to the neighbours a couple of times this week which was nice. I we remembered when dad walked up the road at 4.30 in the morning in his pyjamas in the middle of winter. This is such an awful illness.

MaNaAk
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
205
One problem for me during lockdown has been that I am not close to any of my neighbours. One to one side has been a bully, coming in to my garden to cut back shrubs, they used to have late night parties and when I complained, he stuffed my bin with his rubbish and up-ended it. I do chat to my other neighbour's daughter when putting out washing, but that's about it. I've always been a bit of loner, not the cheerful sociable wee soul that mum was, sadly, but I suspect thats got worse during lockdown. For a good while, looking after mum was my life; with that part ended, and everything else put in storage with lockdown and social distancing, thats why I feel adrift. I may get back to thinking about counselling.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
Dear @CWR,

My worst point during lockdown was dad's anniversary when neither of my brother's phoned. However one of them came today and just for a day and everything went well although diplomacy is a good skill. I realise I always was closer to dad than my brothers before I became a carer. Mum and dad loved us all equally but my brothers don't seem to feel as close to dad as I do.

You were the best son that your parents could have had and don't forget that. My birthday is on Tuesday and I don't expect to see my youngest brother but I may be able to plan something with my friends.

Bye for now

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
Hello Everyone,

My brother just came for a day and all went well although I had to bite my lip a couple of times because if I upset him and he drives off he could have an accident. However he also seemed to be thinking about what I could afford and he realised that he could be middle man between myself and my youngest brother.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
Thankyou @canary.

I feel that as a carer we did many amazing things and we can count diplomacy as one of them. It was a lovely day and I am pleased that I can still do this.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
I also love this website as you can share anything with people who have been through it all. I think we could all write a book on our experiences.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
Hello everyone!

I've received an email fromGOV.Uk about viewing a probate declaration which my brother is applying for can anyone tell me whether we have to wait to hear about the Inheritance Tax first? Also they would like to put the house on the market. What a great birthday I'm going to have tomorrow.

MaNaAk
 
Last edited:

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
21,239
North Manchester
"You cannot apply for probate until you have a notice from HM Revenue and Customs (HMRC) saying that you’ve either paid inheritance tax or have no tax to pay."


Has the executor completed the relevant IHT form and obtained a ref no from HMRC ?
What does the email/linked to document say about IHT?
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,134
@MaNaAk You can't view the probate until it has been registered. It either exiists or it doesn't and if it exists then your brother must have completed the inheritance tax form. I think.

They can't sell the house without the grant of probate or the grant of representation (whichever is appropriate) although they can put it up for sale. I think.

Which brother is executor.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
We are all executors but the one dealing with the Probate is the elder of my two brothers. Neither of them know what it's like in my position.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
My brother is going ahead as they have found out that they can assume that they don't have to pay inheritance tax if they haven't heard for sometime.

MaNaAk
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
21,239
North Manchester
We are all executors but the one dealing with the Probate is the elder of my two brothers.
Have you and your younger brother both renounced executorship, maybe with power reserved?
If not the probate registry will insist on all three of you agreeing to the application.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
We haven't renounced it and looking at it I was just having to check the details. I suppose I really ought to just get on with it otherwise they get really irritated as I know they want their share. Wish they were more understanding.

MaNaAk
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
21,239
North Manchester
Renouncing in this context is nothing to do with inheritance, it is to do with the power to apply for probate.

Without probate everything is stalled although it is common for properties to be advertised for sale 'subject to probate'
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
I will go ahead with it then. I did have to listen to some rubbish about how my SIL helped us all out by seeing to the Inheritance Tax nothing about what I did. I tried to mention about getting a flat with a bit of garden for the tortoises that have been in this family for 75+ years and my brother said I had to compromise as my nephews are still sharing a bedroom.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,973
Essex
I've just submitted my support. Just could have done with more support from my nearest and dearest.

MaNaAk
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
205
We are thinking of you, have a great day tomorrow, forget all about the hassle for a while! best wishes,
Charles
 

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