1. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006

    my mum came home from hospital last monday, and on the whole she seems fine, taking her medication ok, walking without aid, putting on her make-up:eek:
    but for some reason after taking her afternoon meds, my father turns into a stranger, or rather an imposter, she knows this man looks like my dad but no amount of telling will persuade her it is.

    she is getting really upset by it, crying and shaking, more or less having a panic attack, ive had to go up there everynight and throw my own dad out of his own house, before i can calm her down, then my dad has to go to my house, luckily its only down the road, and he phone's mum to say he's on his way home, he then arrives home and she's fine:confused:

    my question is could it be the medication she's taking as it only seems to happen after she's taken it, or is it another symtom of her dementia,
    any replies would be gratefully recieved as i can then show my poor dad he's not on his own, he really is quite upset that its him she dosent recognise and not somebody else!

    cheers xx
  2. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    #2 Lynne, May 7, 2006
    Last edited: May 7, 2006
    Oh Donna

    Poor you, and poor Dad!! This bloody disease throws up the most cruel twists, doesn't it.
    I Haven't got any knowledgeable advice to offer I'm afraid, just wanted to sympathise. Thank goodness she believes it's Dad on the phone! (but isn't it strange that she does when she can't see him, but doesn't recognise him when she can both hear and see him)
    Just a thought - do you think it would make a difference if you could reduce the dose of her afternoon meds? (Obviously consult Dr or CPN if you're not into fine-tuning them yourself)
  3. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Donna,
    My mum used to recognise dad as being .........from 50 years ago, but not know that she was married to him, so would try to call the police, solicitors, and go round to the neighbour. Sometimes I could calm her down by taking to her on the phone, other times I had to go over, and other evenings dad just had to ride the storm for 2 to 3 hours. Reassure your dad that he is not on his own in this, and that it is nothing to do with HIM personally; my heart goes out to both of you cos I know how painful it is to deal with.
    Has your dad simply tried leaving the house and walking in a couple of minutes later as though he has just arrived home?
    With love Amy
  4. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Donna
    Your dad is certainly NOT alone....When mum didn't recognize me for the first time it REALLY hurt...The first time she didn't recognize me as her daughter she thought I was my dad's "floozie" and became very agressive and violent towards me!!! She recognizes most people but I'm anyone from the cleaner(she's never had a cleaner) to a hotel manager! Tell your dad to just walk away....it seems to pass after a little while and yes....Don't take it personally(not easy)......I just wonder if it's anything to do with hitting out at the person closest to you? A bit like a child....they always seem to hit out at the people they love
    Wendy x
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    I was reading Bruce daily & he mentions something called sun downing , as you said
    Just wondering as you said afternoon , not sure when sun downing starts ?

    someone with more experience on sun downing may no more then me ? it may have having nothing to do with your mum not recognizing your dad ,but I was just wondering
  6. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    I'd go along with that Margarita....mum's always at her worst late afternoon/tea time/evening.....I've found out more since being on TP....hadn't heard of sundowning before but it makes so much sense
  7. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi everone thanks so much for your replies:)

    up untill last night it had only happened after the afternoon meds, but this morning it happened about 11am:confused:
    dad was getting dinner ready and mum just said you'll have to go now my husband will be home soon, and he'll go mad if he finds you here:confused:

    my dad did leave the house but he was afraid to stay away too long in case she turned the gas on or locked him out , fortunatley (how do you spell that word):confused:
    my brother turned up and stayed till dad rang her from my house to say he was on his way home,
    at the moment my life feels like groundhog day (the film)
    the other thing we noticed is she seems to be going to the toilet a lot so were taking her to the doctors hopefully tomorrow if we can get in to check as i know from other threads that water infections can cause confusion.
    hopefully it is only that becouse she seems to be doing so well in everything else.

    i'll let you know what happens
    thanks all
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Dear Donna, this is just to send a hug.

    Easier sometimes than others to rationalise 'this is not mum/wife/etc but the dementia' - but, the pain when you feel you've just had a 'direct hit'.

    You are obviously doing a remarkable 'job' not just looking after mum but your dad and his needs too. If only there was an easy way to make it less painful..

    I hope you are finding some time to care for yourself, too. Best of love and luck for tomorrow..... big hug to your dad!

    Karen, x
  9. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hi Donna,
    The psychologist told us that it is very common for them to forget their spouse before anyone else. It is a cruel thing. My Mom periodically decides she doesn't know her husband and ask him to move out. One day recently thought he was a neighboor and that he had killed her husband, she hasn't really bounced back from that one yet.
    It is a yoyo of memories and emotions. Just hang on, it is a ride non of us want to take but its a long way to the station before we can get off!
    Take care,
  10. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya all,
    I don't know if mum 'knows' anyone anymore. I do know that on occasions when I have sat with her getting little response my dad has then arrived and spoken to her and she has given him the biggest smile: "the look of love".
  11. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi again Donna...When I said before to" just walk away "That looks pretty awful in writing! I find going in to another room or upstairs or in the garden works for me.....a little while later it's forgotten.L really feel for you just now!
    Wendy x
  12. Áine

    Áine Registered User

  13. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Interesting links... Also that Alzheimer's is a cause...

    Monique is going through this syndrome at the moment... I, the stranger, seem to have two faces.. one fairly benign where I am a bloke who is in the house and 'would I please leave before Mummy and Daddy get here as they would not like it' and the thief who has stolen or is trying to steal all the property and money of her father..

    She is on the other hand scared rigid that I will leave her and requires/demands constant attention... Must be hell living in a nightmare like that... Being awake and yet still doing nightmare stuff in your head...

    Frankly it does not bother me a bit - emotionally - that she does not know who I am for a lot of the time... not sure why but it is a non issue for me... Being kicked out of bed at 06.00 is a real pain... The endless financial repetition is wearing and the 100% attention is difficult too but mainly (a lot thanks to computers and visits to boat) it is OK... In fact I sometimes only really realise it is all a bit 'odd' when I meet up with ordinary people..

  14. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006

    thanks again to everyone who's replied :)

    for some reason reading all the posts have made me cry and now i cant see the keyboard,
    its a good job this thread is not a live discussion its taken me 10 mins just to write this:)

    start again!!

    im so gratefull for all your replys it really does help knowing these things do happen, i think in my own way ive been denying that mum is that ill and she will get better,
    i think its time for me to face it head on and deal with it.

    thanks Aine for the links, they were interesting, another thing to think about, at least this ones got a name unlike my mums dementia:confused:
    hopefully dad can get in to see a doctor first thing, they did give him an appointment on friday but it was for next thursday:eek:

    thankyou for all your hugs and good wishes,
    they are very much appreciated

  15. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Donna,
    Just hang on in there.....You'll have found out there are a lot of caring people on this site and we're all with you:)
    Hugs and kisses
    Wendy x
  16. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    cheers mel,

    thanks for that, there is such a lot of lovely people here, its just such a shame that its dementia that,s got us all together, but they do say a problem shared is a problem halved!!


    well done on your attitude towards moniques problem, you obviously have to have a good sense of humour to get through it, i think dad is getting there and realising its not personally directed at him, dont know how he'd feel if she threw him out of bed though:D especially at that time of the morning.

    just a quick update, mum has a ear infection for which she has drops, they tried to test her "water" but she missed the tube:eek: so were just waiting for the next batch before the doctor can test it for infection

    cheers all xxx
  17. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Donna ,When we have to collect a sample from mum I give her an old measuring jug which she manages to use then I pour it into the specimen bottle
  18. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    Cambridgeshire UK

    I used to do that myself and thought I was really clever and told the nurse and she told me off!!! She said it contaminates the sample!!! I wonder if they have ever had to do it in a bottle!!!

  19. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    oh heck twink
    do you think a potty will contaminate it as thats what my dad had to use to get mums sample from:eek:
    and when he'd done that they were told the nurse wasnt there this afternoon so he has to do it all again tomorrow :(
  20. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    It does sound like your mother is sundowning. My mother went through a phase of it and was most unpleasant.

    As for the sample, the home has a plastic insert which fits right into the toilet. The insert gets popped into the toilet, Mum is popped onto it & hopefully she co-operates & urinates!! I would think the same sort of thing is available in the UK. I certainly have my problems aiming into that speciment bottle when I have to, my mother could never manage it.

    The medical people may be checking for a UTI which can cause lots of behavioural problems.

    Good luck.

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