stranger/imposter part 2

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by dmc, Jun 3, 2006.

  1. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    #1 dmc, Jun 3, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2006
    Hi everyone
    just a quick update, becouse of mums problems thinking that my dad is a stranger, weve had to have her admitted back to the EMI unit at the local hospital, she was getting herself so worked up and frightened we thought she might have another heart attack.
    I feel so bad about this becouse she was doing so well and in her own way she was trying to be like "she was before" doing her hair and make up, she even did a bit of cooking under supervision though:eek:
    when we took her to the hospital, she couldnt understand why we were leaving her there, she had tears in her eyes and it was like she was saying what have i done wrong,
    its absolutley broke my heart this time worse than any time weve left her before,
    but i know that if she had stayed at home with my dad things would have got much worse, she arrived at my house at 9.30pm wednesday night in such a state it took me for ever to calm her down and tell her that the man had left the house.
    when i took her home my "dad" was back again and she told him off for going out and leaving her:confused:
    were hoping that the break away from him might make her forget about this other man but were not holding our breath.
    im afraid the guilt monster has brought his mates along with him this time :(
    and im not sure i can fight them all.
    take care all x
  2. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    Dear Donna

    its a horrible stage and I hope that it passes quickly for you. You'll continue to amaze yourself with the inventiveness of the little white lies you create but yes underneath it feels so wrong . You have to make yourself look at why you are doing it, keep remembering it is because you love her and therefore you should not let the guilt monster eat you up. Easier said than done but neccessary.

    Hopefully the change in environment will be enough to break the cycle of this particular nightmare.

  3. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi kriss

    thanks for your reply,
    im still not sure weve done the right thing, she does seem to decline when she's in EMI, but at the end of the day my dad is the one who has to cope with her at home so all i can do is support any decision he makes.
    she hasnt mentioned anything about my dad being a stranger while she's been in so i think we might ask if perhaps she could come home for a day and see what happens.
    your right about the guilt, it is beginning to affect my family life, and im finding it very difficult to fight it, but i know i must
    thanks again for taking the time to reply
    best wishes x
  4. jakky

    jakky Registered User

    Jan 30, 2006
    Hi Donna,

    just to let you know that you`re doing fantastic and you`ve done the right thing.
    hang in there and keep doing what your doing, you can beat the guilt monster easily by focusing on "for mums sake" and do it.

    take care and stay strong...
    thinking of you in this tough time
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Hi Donna,

    So sorry about what you're going through just now - but 'keep fighting' - the cavalry is right behind you!!!!

    Love, Karen, x
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    #6 Amy, Jun 5, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 5, 2006
    Hiya Donna,
    I've just caught up on your post; so sorry that you are having a bad time, I know how much you were looking forward to having mum home. Despite the impostor, she sounds to be doing very well.
    Is the EMI far from home? Having mum home for a day sounds a good idea, as long as it doesn't upset her too much when she has to go back. It is so hard, isn't it; but you are right, you must support dad in his decision, as he must feel bad about it too.
    Try and take some time out with your family - away from mum and dad. You need them strong, so that you can all support mum and dad.
    Take care. Thinking of you.
    Love Helen.
  7. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi everyone,

    thanks for your replies, they do mean a lot,
    amy, the hospital where the EMI unit is, is only a 10 min drive away so its not far,
    we went to visit last night, and she seems to be getting worse, not thinking that my dad is a stranger but, she's started shuffling instead of walking again, food all over her clothes, i just dont think its doing her any good there at all, my dad has mentioned that he would like to try and have her home for a day, the consultant is around today so we'll get the answer later on.
    thanks again for your replies
    take care all xxx
  8. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Donna
    Keep fighting and I'm sure you did the right's hard to see your mum scared,lost and frightened
    Mum shuffles but not all the time.....
    She gets food all over her clothes but not all the time...
    It's just that because she's not in her home environment it seems worse and gives the guilt monster and his merry band more of an opportunity to visit!:eek:
    Take care
    Wendy x
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #9 Margarita, Jun 6, 2006
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2006
    Donna my mum shuffles ALL the time ,her shose end up looking like flip flops & people down Stairs say they know when mum get up & when she go to the toilet , I have wood flooring .

    She sometimes gets food all over herself also & always on the floor (Did get a bib for mum, but when I tried putting it on her, No way ho say! was mum putting it on ) .So Mel may be right when she says
    Let us know what the consultant says :)
  10. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi margarita/mel/all

    thanks for your posts, mum has had a period where we thought she wouldnt do anything else but shuffle, but since she came home the last time she seemed to improve if thats possible:confused:
    she hasnt needed the stairlift much she did start to use it but found she got to the loo quicker if she walked up the stairs:)
    i think perhaps the problem is that all they seem to do in EMI is give them their tablets and sit them in the TV room all day where i suppose at home we make sure she gets out and about, but times a luxury we have that the nurses havent!
    even the nurses couldnt get over how well she looked when we took her back,
    visiting is at 3.30 so we should know by then what the consultant thinks.

    i have mentioned to my dad he might think about dyeing his hair black like it used to be, :D, i think dads more upset becouse she calls him the "old" man who keeps following her.

    let you all now what happens next
    best wishes
  11. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    east sussex


    You say your mum wont wear a bib. I got a apron which has the english flag on it with ENGLAND written across it and my husband wears it with pride while eating his meals. !!!

    Cynron x x
  12. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi everyone

    the consultant has agreed to let mum home for a day, but i think my dad is going to try a weekend and see what happens, when he got there yesterday she was sitting in a chair slouched over to one side, and shuffling again when walking, i know all this happens with dementia, as she was like this when she was admitted last time, but she's not like it at home:confused:
    we really feel were up against a rock and a hard place with this one,
    do we leave her there and see her go downhill, or bring her home and risk the chance of her getting ill with her confusion over my dad, as i said before the final descision has to be with my dad, he himself has a hospital appt today so we dont know the outcome of that yet, so i suppose we'll just have to wait and see,
    take care all xx
  13. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    hi everyone,

    mums just come home for the weekend, so its fingers crossed now that "the stranger" has gone for good, although ive just had a telephone call off her and she was talking about me to me:confused:
    thankfully it was all good!:eek:
    looks like its going to be a lively weekend will keep you posted
  14. jakky

    jakky Registered User

    Jan 30, 2006
    hiya donna

    hope you have a great weekend with mum..........enjoy :) :)

  15. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006

    hi everyone,

    the good news is mum seems to have forgotten my dad is a stranger, the bad news is she's now seeing gorillas and babies everywhere, ive just had to lock one monkey and a donkey in my shed, its going to be a long day:(
    she's back to EMI tomorrow they have upped her dose of procyclidine from one to two a day, not sure if thats the cause or whether this is another stage.
    im sure we'll soon find out!!
    take care all xxx
  16. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    be sure to leave a window open for them ......... in this hot weather they could suffocate in a hot shed :D
  17. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    :D thanks for reminding me will do that straight away and while im at it a bowl of water and some hay for the donkey :rolleyes: xx
  18. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    Oh and some nuts for the monkey:D
  19. cathy z

    cathy z Registered User

    May 23, 2006

    dear aime,i'm really sorry your having such a difficult time with your mum it makes mine seem like a saint and knowing what your coping so well with will give me morre patience with my mum,best wishes , cathy
  20. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    think yourself lucky

    think yourself lucky donna ........ you've only got an menagerie to deal with. my dad is providing me with an ever increasing extended family to manage - 3 brother, 2 younger sisters, 2 fighting grandfathers and an assortment of uncles at last count .. at least i'm not lonely :rolleyes:

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