Strange goings on

[brambles]

My mum, 90,AD, lives alone 45 mins drive away from me, rang me a couple of days ago to tell me that the builders working behind her house had reversed into her back wall , the gate was badly damaged and was hanging of its hinges.
They had then driven off without speaking to her and she was very upset and anxious I do something about it immediately.

It all seemed very plausible, so I emailed the company where the work was being done and asked them what they were going to do about it, They replied very quickly to say they had inspected. the gate and could see no damage.
I called mum back who was a little hesitant this time but was still certain it had happened.

The next day I went through and there was indeed no sign of any damage at all.

Mum was upset that she had "got it wrong" and I managed to reassure her that there was no harm done.

My problem is that although we have had occasional odd stories of people coming in and stealing a pair of gloves or a milk jug I have always up till now been able to work out what was real or not.

Normally my brother lives a few miles from her, but he is away for 5 weeks, there is nobody else close I can call on to go round.

She has a home help once a week but is still very resistant to carers.

I am happy to go as often as necessary and may have to go and stay there full time till my brother comes back, but I do have my own family (though adults) as well.

I am wondering if the anxiety of my brother going away has caused this problem?

Does anyone know if care agencies will provide someone to go round for reassurance on an ad hoc basis?

brambles

 

[Anniebell]

HI brambles 5 months after dad died and before we knew mum had Ad I had a holiday booked for a week and was unsure wether to go or not didn't want to leave mum and brother works all week. I got in touch with a care agency they came morning and evening mon to fri and mon wed and fri afternoon for 45 mins just for a chat and a cuppa they were happy to do this I had peace of mind knowingly someone was keeping an eye on her and she had a bit of company I'm sure if you go on line you will find some in your area we had an interview and a care plan for mum and no pressure to carry on with them it cost about £15 an hour. Take care Annie

 

[brambles]

Thanks Annie,

That sounds like a good idea. I think mum may be resistant but I will contact some agencies and see what they can offer.

brambles x

 

[Onlyme]

I know it sounds tough but if you start living with her you may things worse. You will change her routine and once you leave she will expect someone to be with her and not be able to cope.

A carer popping in to help is much better for now, perhaps you can tell Mum they are training, Mum is doing them a favour and it's free.

 

[brambles]

Good point onlyme.

I have noticed that the more I do for her the more reliant on me she becomes and thinking about it, inevitably she is going to need carers in the not too distant future, so this may be a way to gradually introduce the idea.

Thanks brambles x

 

[chrisdee]

Have to say that I have never met anyone who actually wanted carers. the aim is to get carers/cleaners coming into the house on a regular basis, then the routine is likely to be accepted as the norm. she might even get to like one or two of them! You can then step it up when things change.

 

[brambles]

Thanks chrisdee,

Yes you are right, first attempts with cleaners didn't go well as they "moved things, hid things and broke things" but she has had a male home help once a week for the last 2 weeks and she really likes him, (although she was adamant that she only wanted a female at the assessment) so hope to gradually increase the amount of help she has.

brambles x