Hi mickeyblue, actually I do understand your feeling of peace and calm. It is a blessing. Grief is natural and normal, but I don't believe that painful grieving is compulsory. At least that has not been my experience. Let me hasten to add that I claim no special insight, and am in no way wishing to minimise the sense of loss that anyone else feels.
I can only imagine what it feels like to lose a partner or a child, but the loss of an elderly parent is different IMO. Their influence, and all our memories of them, are still part of who we are, but as we carry on living, very gradually they become part of our past. They lived a part of their life before we arrived; then our timespans overlapped; and now we carry on to complete our own stories. That is the natural way of things. In one way we become fully adult when the previous generation has gone.
When my father died aged almost 89 he had been suffering physically with osteoporosis and a failing heart. He was in constant pain, although mentally still very much with it. When I heard the news that he had died suddenly it was of course a shock. I cried that day because I knew I would never see him again in this life.
I was crying for my loss. I was also glad that he had a good death without suffering, so part of my tears was relief that he was not in pain any more.
Thereafter I don't think I have ever grieved in the way that most people describe grief. I was happy that he was relieved of suffering. I know that he was ready to go; he had got all his affairs in order and had made good provision for my mother. He had a long, interesting and fulfilling life, and I am so proud of all the things he achieved. He left us a legacy of self-published memoirs. Reading these books brings me close to him and I have carried out a great deal of family history research, building on the foundations he laid.
I think about my father every day; I miss him, I love him. I seldom feel sad when I think of him, although there are times when something happens or I find out some information that I would love to share with him. I know he would find it interesting and I miss having his reactions and comments. I am now legal Guardian for my mother, who has dementia, and I constantly ask myself what Daddy would have wanted, would he approve of things I am doing, would he think I was doing my best?
I think my father is so much a part of me. I know he is still present in his children, both in our looks and genes (obviously) but also in our values, knowledge, manner of speech, sense of humour, and so on. Daddy is still with us because he will always be our father. Does that make sense?
Feel free to remember and honour your dad in the way that feels right for you. If there is no 'unfinished business' in your relationship then perhaps you will also be spared the most painful stage of bereavement, as I was. People said to me that it would arrive some time and could not be avoided. Well it's been 8 years and hasn't happened yet, so I don't think I am going to feel it. Just occasionally I have a good cry because I really miss him, but I am sure that he knew how much I loved him, so that is good enough for us both.
