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Stopped eating barely taking fluids

Janeyjo

New member
Nov 20, 2020
8
0
Hi everyone its been a year since I posted my first ever post on here looking for some advice one day when my Mum got aggressive. So much has happened but now my Mums condition has deteriorated so much and she is bed bound, not eating, sleeping alot and the care staff at her nursing home are sponging her mouth with water.

This all feels so final but I've read this stage can last several weeks. I'm not sure I can have the goodbye conversation many more times. Selfish as that sounds.

The care staff have said we should get anyone who wants to visit up so I guess they think its not to far away.

My questions really is how long can someone survive without food?

My guilt is kicking in and I wonder whether I should bring her to my house so she is not alone.

This really is the nastiest disease & it's ripping my family apart.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,008
0
At a guess my dad lasted 19 or 20 days without food although he had some fluids but not much. It is a very hard and harrowing time to go through. It is impossible to say how long this time will last but it will end eventually, it has to. Yes take this time to say goodbye but it may take longer than you expect.

It is the nastiest disease but it is not your fault, cut yourself some slack as my dad would have said.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,776
0
South coast
My mum lasted 17 days with no food or fluid.
If the staff are saying that you should call people to come in then it sounds like it is pretty near the end. Please dont even consider moving her at this stage - I understand why you would want to do this, but she will be far too frail to do so.
This is an incredibly difficult time and the physical changes can be harrowing. If you dont know what to say to her, then try reading to her. I read Winnie the Pooh and Alice in Wonderland (stories she read as a child and still remembered) and her favourite poems. Also play her favourite music.

Hang on in there - it will end
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Picture

Registered User
Nov 14, 2021
17
0
@Janeyjo im very sorry to hear this. It is such a cruel disease. My mum is in a similar position, though perhaps we are a few weeks behind. Very little food and drink and sleeping a lot.

I wouldn’t take her home, that would be such a burden for you. Let the staff do the caring whilst you spend time with your mum. Moving her now would be incredibly difficult. My heart goes out to you at this sad time. Do you have any support from friends/family? Don’t neglect yourself x
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
585
0
Don't bring your mum home. As Picture says, let the staff do the caring, whilst you spend the time you need with your mother. It is very difficult not knowing how long this end of life stage will last. Please do not reproach yourself if you are not with your mother when she takes her last breath.
 

Feeling unsupported

Registered User
Jul 9, 2021
74
0
I fear my mum is not far away from this. Some days scarcely opening her eyes, eating very little, if anything and just quite unresponsive. Other days though, she is a little more communicative. Dad passed 7 years ago on 20th December and I do wonder if history might be repeating itself. 😥
 

Janeyjo

New member
Nov 20, 2020
8
0
Thank you for your kind and helpful comments. My Mum decided her time had come and she left us early Sunday morning. Although I wasn't with her, I take comfort from spending time with her the day before and telling her she was loved. She leaves just a few weeks after her sister so hopefully they can make the journey together

I wish everyone going through the same, love & strength to see this through and I send my thanks to everyone who responds. You really do help immensely xx
 

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
172
0
@Janeyjo. My sincere condolences to you and your family. I hope it continues to be of comfort to you knowing that you were able to tell your Mum how much you loved her.xx
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
585
0
Condolences on your loss. Take comfort from the knowledge that your mother is at peace now.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
65,706
0
70
Dundee
I’m so sorry for your loss but I’m glad you were able to spend time with your mum the day before. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.
 

Gary f

Registered User
Oct 6, 2021
19
0
Thank you for your kind and helpful comments. My Mum decided her time had come and she left us early Sunday morning. Although I wasn't with her, I take comfort from spending time with her the day before and telling her she was loved. She leaves just a few weeks after her sister so hopefully they can make the journey together

I wish everyone going through the same, love & strength to see this through and I send my thanks to everyone who responds. You really do help immensely xx
So sorry for your loss
 

karenbow

Registered User
May 24, 2021
66
0
so sorry janeyjo- just been through the same with my mum 7 weeks ago- it is incredibly hard and like yourself i wasn,t there at the end - but you were there in her heart and she will have known you love her - take care you and your familyx
 

Janeyjo

New member
Nov 20, 2020
8
0
so sorry janeyjo- just been through the same with my mum 7 weeks ago- it is incredibly hard and like yourself i wasn,t there at the end - but you were there in her heart and she will have known you love her - take care you and your familyx
Thanks Karen Mum's leave a gapping hole don't they? Take care of yourself too x
 

Janeyjo

New member
Nov 20, 2020
8
0
Thank you all for your messages of condolence. It really does help knowing its ok to fell the way I do. I'm taking care of my family and myself, one day at a time xx
 

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