1. unicorn

    unicorn Registered User

    Jun 22, 2007
    12
    nottingham, uk
    hi there my husband recently told he has mild stage alzheimers, but some symptoms fit and some dont, he looses things easily and he is quite forgetful, he puts his clothes on back to front and inside out most days, but he has good days and bad days . Can some one help by telling me if this is normal for the stage he is at, some days he seems not too bad, not sure if I am looking for answers to help us cope with this as he is still denying there is nothing wrong, many thanks.
     
  2. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Hello Unicorn,

    Welcome to TP.

    I can only speak from personal experience but my mum also has good and bad days. Some days she manages quite well and people say "it doesn't seem like there's anything wrong with her" and other days we have major meltdowns (for want of another word) were she is unable to do anything for herself and is very difficult to manage.

    From the little I know this seems to be the way of it, certainly in the early stages.


    Kate P
    XXX
     
  3. unicorn

    unicorn Registered User

    Jun 22, 2007
    12
    nottingham, uk
    just been speaking to hubby about it and he still says nothing wrong ,seems to blame me for it all, he finding it hard to control his bladder too, he says its only when i tell him about stuff he is doing that makes him unsure about whats wrong, doctor told him not to drive and he came home and had a major row with me saying it was my fault for taking him to see doc in first place, i think he is still in denial about it all, we keep argueing, i just want my old hubby back, but i know that will never be, he only sleeps 2 hours at night, then falls asleep on and off all day, with a lit cigarette or hot coffee in his hands, when i say any thing to him he just says i am nagging, all we do is argue, and it was never like that.
     
  4. unicorn

    unicorn Registered User

    Jun 22, 2007
    12
    nottingham, uk
    So sorry, only been on here a short while and all i have done is moan, things will improve, i`m sure.
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi unicorn welcome to TP.

    Your husband does sound as if he is in the early stages of dementia. It's quite common for people to deny the diagnosis, and driving causes endless arguments, as you'll see if you do a search.

    It's fairly unusualy to be incontinent at this early stage though, and it might be worth talking to your GP about it. There may be other causes.

    This link will give you details of the different stages, but bear in mind that few people fit into one stage all the time, everyone has good or bad days.

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/attachment.php?attachmentid=403&d=1134114909

    Is your husband on any medication?

    Please post again, you'll find a lot of support on this forum.

    Best wishes,

    PS You're not moaning, just asking for help! But even moaning's allowed, we all do it at times.:)
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    Dear Unicorn,

    I am so sorry. All the things you mention, I have been through with my husband.

    Even now, two years on, when my husband has a good day, he thinks he is cured.

    All I can suggest is you go along with what your husband says as much as possible. Obviously, you can`t leave him asleep with a lighted cigarette in his hand, just take it away without waking him if you can. When he`s OK, just go along with it.

    I would ask the doctor to help you about his driving. If you see the doctor by yourself, tell him your husband is still driving and you are very frightened he will have an accident and hurt someone. Ask the doctor if he will infom the DVLA for you, and then your mind will be at rest.

    It is not unusual that your husband blames you. My husband told me it was my fault too, for seeing the doctor etc. It is denial, and really who can blame them.

    I`m glad you found TP. At least here you will be in contact with people who understand what you are going through and have been through the same problems themselves. It won`t make the problems go away, but at least you can off load here and not be alone.

    Please keep in touch.

    Love xx
     
  7. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry Unicorn.

    To me, that's the worse bit about this disease - it changes the person who is afflicted and therefore inevitably changes your relationship.

    I have only this morning said in a different forum that I feel like my mum is my child now (and a rather badly behaved one at that!;) ) rather than the strong and capable woman that was my mother just four years ago.

    Again, from personal experience and what I've learned from others on this site, some people accept that they have the illness and some people never do.

    My mum has never accepted she is ill or changed in anyway - similarly to your husband she blames us (her family) and says that we are nagging her or picking on her. I can appreciate how difficult it must be for you - especially as it is your husband you are dealing with.

    Dad finds that on some occasions when mum wants to do something that would be unsafe for her she won't listen to him but she might listen to me or my sister - sometimes it just needs someone else to say it to her.

    Do you have any family/friends that can offer you both support?

    Kate P
    XXX
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    Please don`t apologise for moaning. It`s not moaning, it`s airing very grave concerns and living through a nightmare.

    Love xx
     
  9. unicorn

    unicorn Registered User

    Jun 22, 2007
    12
    nottingham, uk
    hubby not on any medication, doc still sorting out who is gonna be responsible for his medical care yet, they passing it backwards and forwards between gp and psyc. Just think we all having bad day, i worry about leaving him alone when i go shopping!, He is on sleeping tablets at night but he still doesnt sleep, woke up at 3am to find he had gone out on his electric scooter for 2 hours, was so worried any thing could have happened to him.
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,647
    Kent
    woke up at 3am to find he had gone out on his electric scooter for 2 hours, was so worried any thing could have happened to him.[/QUOTE]

    Oh that is awful. I worry when my husband goes out during the day, but he has necver gone out in the middle of the night, and on a scooter. :eek:

    Do you keep a diary of his behaviours? I would reccommend it if you don`t. Then you have something in writing to take to the doctors, or send in advance of an appointment.

    My husband`s doctors have always found this useful, as it`s better for us, as we don`t have to talk in front of them.

    Could you phone up and stress how dangerous this all is and ask for some decisions to be made asap.

    Love xx
     
  11. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    785
    Buckinghamshire
    Welcome!

    Dear Unicorn,
    Welcome to our 'club' .......... please feel free to moan, shout, scream, ask - we are all in the same boat, albeit on different stages of this journey, and just knowing that the meaning of 'normal' has changed for you may help you view things from a different angle.

    Denial, anger, sadness, depression can all become part of this wretched illness. It must be so scary for someone to face up to the diagnosis and prognosis! It is no less scary and for their partner, and it is difficult to show endless patience and not take hurtful arguments personally. But practice does make (nearly) perfect.
    I have learnt to live life at a much slower pace, and I treasure the good days/ moments.

    I hope you find lots of support from your GP and CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse), who should be able to answer many of your questions and point you in the right direction for practical help.

    I found the following book a very good investment: Learning to Speak Alzheimer's by Joanne Koenig Coste.

    Best wishes!
     
  12. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Yes all the things you describe have been my husband too. Sorry, but it does not get easier. If poss it is better not to argue althought that is easier said than done. I just walk away when things get hard.

    I do suggest you try your local Alz. Society Branch. Surprisingly help is there - its a way of meeting other people in the same situation and you husband may then come to terms with it more easily ( and you too of course).

    You will get lots of help here - moaning is allowed cos we all need to do it sometimes.

    Best wishes Beckyjan
     

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