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Still thinking my husband is here

Bisquits

New member
Oct 5, 2019
1
0
I wake up in the morning and see he is not lying next to me and I think he must have gotten up early. I wonder what he is doing and where he is. Yesterday my thought was I am going to ask him if he wants to go to the supermarket with me. All this in just the first few seconds of my awakening. Then the reality and sadness hits me. It happens often and only when I wake up. He is not there to talk about the little things that only the two of us cared about. I miss him so much.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,851
0
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @Bisquits.
I often wake up thinking about something I must tell my Dad & he’s been gone almost 3 years now.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
4,026
0
south-east London
Welcome @Bisquits - I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. Of course you miss your husband immensely.

My husband passed away just over15 months ago and I think about him every day - but these days I can think of him without the deep grief hitting me.

I do recall those awful days though, when the grief ruled me. I remember the panic of waking up and wondering where he was - convinced that he must have got up without me hearing him - and then the immediate feeling of dread that I had to get to him before he could fall and hurt himself... And then of course remembering that he had died, and that was why he was not at my side.

Likewise, I remember waking up thinking I needed to get him ready for the day - until the empty space reminded me otherwise.

I also miss having him around to share the things we cared about - but I talk to him in my head often, and I always bring him into conversations with my family. He is as much a part of our lives and thoughts as he ever was - but laughter and happiness, not grief, are the overriding emotions now.

Grief takes time but there is no set time, it takes as long as it takes. I don't believe it ever goes, but, given time, it feels less raw.

Do keep posting, there are many members who understand what you are going through.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,546
0
69
Dundee
Welcome to the forum @Bisquits. I’m glad you found DTP and I hope it helps to share here.

Like others I understand what you’re going through. My husband died 3 years ago and I still miss him dreadfully. As Lynne says grief does not take a set time. It changes as the days and months go on. I still talk to my husband at home - I have photos of him everywhere and talk to these all the time! I sometimes put something on his chair and say ‘hold that Bill’! He’s often mentioned in conversations I have with friends and these conversations are easier now. I’m not saying it’s all roses but it is a bit easier.

You’ll feel raw for a while but I hope you keep posting here - I hope the understanding of others helps you even just a little.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
72,433
0
Kent
Hello @Bisquits

If you have spent years as a carer for your husband he will have been with you at all times in mind, body and spirit whether he was in residential care or at home with you.

Now he is still with you in your hesrt but has left a big hole which cannot be filled.

There is no time limit for grief. I still feel my husband is with me nearly six years after his death. His presence within is as real as it could be and if something happens which he would have enjoyed I feel sorry he missed it.

I was always at my most vulnerable on waking. Even when my husband was at home with me I would often wake in tears.

Those waking moments are so intimate and a great loss when we find ourselves waking alone.

Bear with these feelings. Know there are many of us experiencing similar feelings even if they are not often discussed. They are a part of grief.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,677
0
Ireland
Can only echo what the others have said. One thing I did, which helped me enormously, was that when my husband moved to a nursing home, I moved to a different bedroom. I found I just couldn't sleep properly in "our" room. So, I redecorated the spare room, bought myself a new bed, and moved in there. Tbh, even now, 4 years on from his death, I only go into "our" room to clean it, when I have to. When I do, I find myself sitting on the bed, and getting that feeling of loss washing over me. But, it's not as sharp a pain these days. More of an always present gentle ache.
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,004
0
Colchester
I lost my husband on 26th May this year. Just over 4 months. I usually cry myself to sleep. When I wake up I am just empty. No enthusiasm, no interest in anything. I just drift from day to day. I have very good friends that I can visit and they visit me but it is not him. I hate the fact that our lovely life together is over. And, that it took 11 years of slow loss. I know it is too early to expect to feel ok. But I feel that life is just passing me by. But I am not interested in doing anything about it. I moved to this house 18 months ago to be nearer to better transport and facilities and my son has been helping me to get all the work done. (And there is a lot.) But although I feel better when he is here it is not the same as my husband and I doing the work together. We used to do everything together. I do go to Bowls club. But that isn't the same. Had to stop going 5 years ago because David would not go. Now I am back there but not really enjoying it. Forcing myself to go. I just hope eventually I will start to enjoy life a bit more. I hope your feeling so sad, every time you wake in the morning ,it will subside as it must be horrible. Take care of yourself. xx
 

Mal2

Registered User
Oct 14, 2014
2,968
0
Enfield
I lost my husband on 26th May this year. Just over 4 months. I usually cry myself to sleep. When I wake up I am just empty. No enthusiasm, no interest in anything. I just drift from day to day. I have very good friends that I can visit and they visit me but it is not him. I hate the fact that our lovely life together is over. And, that it took 11 years of slow loss. I know it is too early to expect to feel ok. But I feel that life is just passing me by. But I am not interested in doing anything about it. I moved to this house 18 months ago to be nearer to better transport and facilities and my son has been helping me to get all the work done. (And there is a lot.) But although I feel better when he is here it is not the same as my husband and I doing the work together. We used to do everything together. I do go to Bowls club. But that isn't the same. Had to stop going 5 years ago because David would not go. Now I am back there but not really enjoying it. Forcing myself to go. I just hope eventually I will start to enjoy life a bit more. I hope your feeling so sad, every time you wake in the morning ,it will subside as it must be horrible. Take care of yourself. xx


Hello Carol

I tried to send you an e-mail last week, to see how you and David were, but, I have had trouble sending and receiving mails.

I am so sorry, I had no Idea that David had passed recently. I know how hard it had been for you over the past few years.

Sadly I lost Stan in September last year, and, Tuesday was the anniversary of his funeral, our final farewell. It was not an easy day, and, I do miss him terribly.

As you have said to Biscuit, it does subside gradually. I do feel Stan is here with me, which makes it more bearable. The last few months were not nice for him, watching him deteriorate, was unbearable. I think of this and thank God for releasing him from that awful disease. He is at peace now, and, as I said, still here watching over me.

I hope you and Biscuit can feel the same way in the coming months. As it was with us caring for them in life, wanting only the best for them, so it is now, knowing they are no longer suffering.

Stan's favourite saying to me, if I was down was, "Don't upset yourself" So I try live by that, for him.
I'm sure all husbands/wives, are looking down saying the same to their loved ones.

Take care both of you.

Izzy, I often think of Bill and his cake making, singing etc, he didn't let the "D" take him easily. Just like my Stan.