Step Mum is turning against me

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by heartbroken, Mar 9, 2008.

  1. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    I have always got on well with Edna and before I became her pa she used to asked dad if I was going everyday and was happy when he said yes, now if he says yes she moans at him says way is SHE coming for, when I get there for the first 15-20 mins she won't talk to me, if I don't try to talk to her she shouts at me saying I never talk to her, this makes me laugh as I chat to her for 5hrs a day to give dad a rest. She go's crazy if I do anything like put the washing out, we have tried to get her to do it with me but she shouts no you do it,I think its because she is not sure how to now.
    The thing I have learnt over the last week is to not let her get to me, if she shouts at me I tell her the facts then switch off to her, how ever much she shouts back at me, it usally goes very quite I stay quite for a while then talk to her about something completely diferent and she is back to her lovely self. The only thing I am worried about is if she hits me as I have seen her go at my dad few time's, then I won't be able to take no notice
     
  2. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    dear heartbroken.you cope very well,given the circumstances,don;t put up with aggression on dads part or an eventuality on yours,the minute it starts get the gp or cpn involveddon;t put yourself at risk.elainex
     
  3. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hello,

    I went through similar with my mum but she was never physically abusive. I think it is fear, they know something is terribly wrong and the reasoning is diminished.... so they get cranky.... when they see you do a simple task with such ease it must be so frustrating!

    I can well understand your concerns about Edna lashing out at you and if she did I would follow Elaine's advice in seeking help from the GP. Otherwise you are doing great....I know how hard it is for you. Take Care, Love Taffy.
     
  4. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    Thanks for your replies

    If it gets to bad I will go to see the GP but at the monent she goes to hit dad but stops herself, but if she did I would tell dad the gp needs to know.
    I have noticed that if she wants something and is not sure how to get it she gets very stressed and frustrated yesterday dad asked her to pass some crisps I think she didn't know what they was so got very nasty and told him to do it himself though she was right next to him. I have told dad this so he can understand she more.
     
  5. genie

    genie Registered User

    Mar 3, 2008
    2
    Hello heartbroken
    It is so difficult at this stage.
    Maybe your stepmum has forgotten exactly who you are but knows you are connected to her husband and is a bit suspicious that you are trying to 'take' him.
    My husband's step mother went through a similar phase with me, and although she is verbally abusive towards him, any time she starts with me I just say quietly 'I am trying to help so please dont be rude' that usually stops her then I distract her by showing her something.
    As you rightly say, its often frustration that's at the heart of these exchanges so if you can keep a note of the circumstances in which they happen you can sometimes identify what the trigger is.

    Keep up the good work.
    Genie
     
  6. heartbroken

    heartbroken Registered User

    Feb 17, 2008
    747
    derbyshire
    think you have hit the nail on the head.
    she often says I'm her friend sometimes I'm her daughter in law,
    she is convinced that dad is having a affair with another women he goes through a gate he has made in the fence (what gate?) and spends time with her, he also goes out all night LOL He never leaves the house only with her, we think this is because her first husband did.
     
  7. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Heartbroken

    This disease plays such havoc in our loved one's minds whilst they maintain a relatively healthy exterior it is sometimes difficult to remember it is illness.

    I sympathise with your situation and would agree that you are doing the best thing possible with distraction. My mum and I had a very close relationship but as the disease took hold she called me for everything. It's the old adage "you always hurt the one you love" played to extremes.

    Thankfully as the disease progressed her agression stopped and we became good friends again.

    Mameeskye
     

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