Step by step by step

[Batsue]

I thought that I would start a thread where I can keep track of the changes in mum.

Over the last few months mum has definitely declined, she is still sort of washing of a morning and dressing herself although her choice of clothes would be more suitable to the Arctic than a hot summer's day sitting in the sun room where it is presently 27 degrees even with the doors open and the blinds down.

Since March mum has decided that we do not live in this house (we have been here 11 years), she is regularly asking whether we are going to stay the night and gets cross at bedtime because she sleeps downstairs and me and OH sleep upstairs. The constant refrain is that if anyone breaks in they will get her first, she does not appear to be frightend just very cross and she does not appear to have a problem going to sleep.

Several times mum has asked where Sue (me) is and at other times seems to think that there are 2 of me and OH as she has asked where the others have gone.

At the beginning of June mum got dressed and went wandering in the middle of the night, she appears to have been out for about 2 hours, luckily she must have turned round at the end of the road and recognised our driveway on the way back, I immediately relieved her of her keys and the next day our GP increased her dose of respiridone to .5mg which seems to be working at the moment.

Today while I was checking her bathroom cabinet I found a half eaten wedge of parmesan cheese in a grubby beaker with a used Tena Lady pad on top of it, goodness knows whether she would have eaten it later.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I think this is an excellent idea for you. Many others have done so and it/s interesting to me to see the history of the person unfold.

 

[yak55]

I thought that I would start a thread where I can keep track of the changes in mum.

Over the last few months mum has definitely declined, she is still sort of washing of a morning and dressing herself although her choice of clothes would be more suitable to the Arctic than a hot summer's day sitting in the sun room where it is presently 27 degrees even with the doors open and the blinds down.

Since March mum has decided that we do not live in this house (we have been here 11 years), she is regularly asking whether we are going to stay the night and gets cross at bedtime because she sleeps downstairs and me and OH sleep upstairs. The constant refrain is that if anyone breaks in they will get her first, she does not appear to be frightend just very cross and she does not appear to have a problem going to sleep.

Several times mum has asked where Sue (me) is and at other times seems to think that there are 2 of me and OH as she has asked where the others have gone.

At the beginning of June mum got dressed and went wandering in the middle of the night, she appears to have been out for about 2 hours, luckily she must have turned round at the end of the road and recognised our driveway on the way back, I immediately relieved her of her keys and the next day our GP increased her dose of respiridone to .5mg which seems to be working at the moment.

Today while I was checking her bathroom cabinet I found a half eaten wedge of parmesan cheese in a grubby beaker with a used Tena Lady pad on top of it, goodness knows whether she would have eaten it later.

Hang on a minute Sue, you are talking about my mum who is going into a care home tomorrow and I wish with all of my heart she wasn't

 

[Batsue]

Hang on a minute Sue, you are talking about my mum who is going into a care home tomorrow and I wish with all of my heart she wasn't

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation with your mum, I hope that tomorrow goes well and she settles quickly.

 

[Rolypoly]

It’s a good way to keep track of what happened when and I have referred back to my thread (What day is it?) a few times when I couldn’t remember exactly when something happened. I find it also helps to get other people’s thoughts and ideas on situations. Looking forward to reading your posts.

 

[yak55]

I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation with your mum, I hope that tomorrow goes well and she settles quickly.

Thank you x

 

[Batsue]

Every morning I make a cup of tea at 7 am, today mum came out of her bedroom wearing just a vest, tee shirt and one sock saying that she could not find any knickers (I try to sneak her a clean pair each morning while she is finding her dressing gown), I found yesterday's knickers hanging on her toilet roll holder, no sign of the toilet roll. I fetched a clean set of clothes and said to mum that she needed to wash first, she insisted that she was already washed, I looked in her bathroom and found her sink and sponge covered in poo stains so I cleaned her sink and got her a clean sponge and said that she must get washed as she has a doctor's appointment, reluctantly mum had a wash while I made tea. When I took her tea in mum said I don't like you, I didn't come up here to be told what to do, I'm going back to Essex, I asked her if she would like a lift.

 

[kindred]

Every morning I make a cup of tea at 7 am, today mum came out of her bedroom wearing just a vest, tee shirt and one sock saying that she could not find any knickers (I try to sneak her a clean pair each morning while she is finding her dressing gown), I found yesterday's knickers hanging on her toilet roll holder, no sign of the toilet roll. I fetched a clean set of clothes and said to mum that she needed to wash first, she insisted that she was already washed, I looked in her bathroom and found her sink and sponge covered in poo stains so I cleaned her sink and got her a clean sponge and said that she must get washed as she has a doctor's appointment, reluctantly mum had a wash while I made tea. When I took her tea in mum said I don't like you, I didn't come up here to be told what to do, I'm going back to Essex, I asked her if she would like a lift.

Oh my dear, with you all the way I faced this kind of chaos too, with OH. Kindred.x

 

[Bunpoots]

Every morning I make a cup of tea at 7 am, today mum came out of her bedroom wearing just a vest, tee shirt and one sock saying that she could not find any knickers (I try to sneak her a clean pair each morning while she is finding her dressing gown), I found yesterday's knickers hanging on her toilet roll holder, no sign of the toilet roll. I fetched a clean set of clothes and said to mum that she needed to wash first, she insisted that she was already washed, I looked in her bathroom and found her sink and sponge covered in poo stains so I cleaned her sink and got her a clean sponge and said that she must get washed as she has a doctor's appointment, reluctantly mum had a wash while I made tea. When I took her tea in mum said I don't like you, I didn't come up here to be told what to do, I'm going back to Essex, I asked her if she would like a lift.

Good answer!!! It made me smile (sorry!). Did she want a lift?

 

[Batsue]

Good answer!!! It made me smile (sorry!). Did she want a lift?

Unfortunately not

 

[marionq]

The weird world of dementia. My husband wakened up yesterday with the words " It rains a lot in Canada". Trying to anchor him back in Glasgow was decidedly tricky. To exist all the time in such mental confusion must be disturbing and I suppose it is some kind of a blessing that they forget so quickly.

Remember that in Scotland you should be able to get help in the mornings with her washing and dressing for free if she needs that help. My husband is completely relaxed about the two "nurses" who alternate with this task four days a week. I find it easier then to cope with the remaining three days on my own and I enjoy a blether with them and he does too.

 

[Batsue]

The weird world of dementia. My husband wakened up yesterday with the words " It rains a lot in Canada". Trying to anchor him back in Glasgow was decidedly tricky. To exist all the time in such mental confusion must be disturbing and I suppose it is some kind of a blessing that they forget so quickly.

Remember that in Scotland you should be able to get help in the mornings with her washing and dressing for free if she needs that help. My husband is completely relaxed about the two "nurses" who alternate with this task four days a week. I find it easier then to cope with the remaining three days on my own and I enjoy a blether with them and he does too.

At the moment war would break out if anyone was to try and help mum to wash, also we live in quite a remote area where carers are not easy to get. At the moment we are coping with her, when the time comes I will definitely call for help.

 

[KathrynAnne]

I love to read your posts @reedysue My Mum does many things similar to yours including looking me straight in the face and asking if I’ve seen Kathryn. She always seems to know my OH though. We are currently in the hairdressers and Mum is having a wash and blow dry. We come every week as it is an outing and I get out of doing her hair, which I’m rubbish at! She has been talking to herself in the mirror, something she does frequently now. She’ll then tell me how lovely that lady is! Mum’s mood has been quite good lately. The worst part of the day is getting her to bed as she doesn’t think she lives at my house either. She doesn’t like to get undressed and I have a number of tricks to accomplish the task. One of these is to take her shoes, socks and trousers off whilst she’s sitting on the toilet. Oh happy days!!

 

[Batsue]

I love to read your posts @reedysue My Mum does many things similar to yours including looking me straight in the face and asking if I’ve seen Kathryn. She always seems to know my OH though. We are currently in the hairdressers and Mum is having a wash and blow dry. We come every week as it is an outing and I get out of doing her hair, which I’m rubbish at! She has been talking to herself in the mirror, something she does frequently now. She’ll then tell me how lovely that lady is! Mum’s mood has been quite good lately. The worst part of the day is getting her to bed as she doesn’t think she lives at my house either. She doesn’t like to get undressed and I have a number of tricks to accomplish the task. One of these is to take her shoes, socks and trousers off whilst she’s sitting on the toilet. Oh happy days!!

Your mum does sound similar to mine in many ways, so far I have been lucky with getting her to bed although she does get quite stroppy about our bedroom being upstairs and hers downstairs even though she chose that room when we bought the house, the usual comment is that anyone breaking in will get her first.

 

[Batsue]

This morning mum got out of bed while I was making our morning tea and got dressed without washing, I took her tea in and asked her why she had not had a wash, the reply was that she had washed. I had a look in her bathroom and there was her sponge, dry but covered in poo stains, I got her a clean sponge and some knickers and tena lady pad and said that she needed to get undressed and have a wash, the reply was *** off, I did not come up here to be bossed around by you, who the he'll do you think you are. I stood my ground and calmly repeated that she needed to get washed after about 20 repetitions of her saying *** off and me saying get washed she went into her bathroom and had a wash.

At one time whenever we had any sort of confrontation my heart would start racing and I felt sick but now I seem to be able to stay calm (most of the time).

 

[Rolypoly]

It’s amazing what we get used to. I suppose, in her mind, she had picked up the sponge and used it, therefore she had washed. At least she eventually complied, well done for staying calm and pressing the ‘repeat button’ .

 

[Batsue]

Mum had a check up with the psychiatric consultant today, she told him that she showers, cooks and does housework among other things, luckily I was sitting behind her so was able to shake my head to indicate that she was being econimical with the truth. He asked mum lots of questions and then asked her if she would mind if he asked me some questions about her. I told him that mum does not cook, clean or shower which she obviously took exception to. During the appointment mum kept saying to the consultant that there was nothing wrong with her, that she did not require help with anything, he then asked her about what medication she was taking and mum replied that she did not take any tablets (she is on donepezil, perindopril and risperidone), each time he asked her a question he looked up to see my response. Mum must have told the consultant that there was nothing wrong with her about 20 times and started to get a bit stroppy with him, he then said that he would like to see her again in 6 months and mum said that she did not think it was necessary so the consultant said but you don't mind having a nice chat with me do you and mum replied that she didn't so he said well I will see you again in 6 months for another nice chat. He also said to me that I could ring him if I had any problems before the next appointment.
By the time we had got back in the car and were leaving the hospital car park mum had forgotten that she had been to the hospital.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@reedysue I love that "economical with the truth". I also used to sit slightly behind Mum at the doctor's so she couldn't see me shake my head. Clever consultant to ask her back for a nice chat, not as if she's going to remember.

 

[Rolypoly]

I sit behind mum, or to the side, so that she cannot see me shaking my head , gesticulating or mouthing words. She doesn’t mind me answering for her if needed. I remember her initial memory consultation and how widely different her answers were to reality!

 

[Batsue]

For the past few weeks mum has been trying to avoid washing, as soon as she hears me come down to make tea she leaps out of bed and puts her clothes on. This morning she managed to get dressed before I could get down and open her door, when I went in I said aren't you getting washed this morning and the reply was that she got washed earlier, I asked her to open the blinds in the sun room and sneaked in to check her bathroom where I found a dry sponge and soap. I told mum that she needed to have a wash and she had a complete toddler tantrum, shouting, stamping her feet, flapping her arms and saying that I am a nasty person and she was going back to Essex. I ignored the theatrics and said that if she could not wash herself then I could arrange for her to have someone come in and help, she could not get into the bathroom quickly enough and by the time I had made tea she was definitely smelling a bit fresher. The next challenge is getting her to wash her hair.