Hello TP Friends, It is a lovely autumn here in Switzerland. As usual we had a big walk yesterday (no longer our beloved mountain trials) but lovely level walking paths in the foothills none the less. As the disease continues, I make my decisions by the day, month and year. (we are in year 17 of living with Alzheimer*s) and the changes to our life together. I think I am different from many members of TP as I was only 48 when we started this path, I was still 100% employed, mother of children ranging from 11 to 23 at the time of diagnosis and I saw that my survival meant I must continue to live my life. This year I have seen more changes, 3 days a week in the space on one year in the daycare, starting with one day and quickly moving to two now on to three days. Its all a process. Tough decisions lately, making the decision that he is not going to join in on Thanksgiving at our friends, where we have celebrated the last 25 years. With bathroom problems and accidents, I am just too much on the edge to bring him along this year, last year was disastrous. At first, I was not going to go alone (I go alone much of the time and it does not bother me much) But Thanksgiving is a family event, and it seems disloyal to go without him. But I want to see our friends and all their growing families, and of course my children and grandchildren will be there. Sadly, it is another loss and another bit of life to grieve.....it seems it never stops. Today and tomorrow I am seeing a very old friend from my youth. I have not seen him for many many years. Today he and his partner are coming to my city and I will meet them for the day. And tomorrow I will go to visit him in the city where they are staying while his partner is lecturing at the university. I weighed and debated with myself as to whether I would take Nick for the day to meet my old friend. . I decided after much contemplation that I did not wish to have my old friend meet Nick for the first time in his present condition. My Nick, was such a brilliant and interesting man, this poor man I live with is not that man. I understand that it is through no cause of his own. I am not ashamed, I just do not want to focus the day on caring for Nick. So, I have a man sitter for the day. She will take him walking and get him out, so it is not that he will be alone or without activity. But all his activities must be initiated and directed by others. It is difficult for me to focus on anyone else when Nick is around. He requires my attention. So, I will go it alone...........and no matter how much support I get from others....I am still sad and somewhat guilty when I put my needs above his.