• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Staying at home with my husband who has dementia

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
I would love to hear how other people are managing, it is so hard for my husband to understand what is going on, and he really resents me telling him to wash his hands frequently.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,310
Yorkshire
hi @Owlone
have a look at the discussions in the separate forum ... the links are in the box at the top of this page
folk are discussing lots of different issues and suggestions
 

Cattycarol

New member
Mar 27, 2020
1
I understand how you feel, my partner has alzheimer's and doesn't understand what is happening, he loves jam and bread and can't understand when I tell him not to eat all the bread as I cannot get more as shops don't have it, I have now started to hide the bread in the microwave
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,310
Yorkshire
hello @Cattycarol
a warm welcome to DTP
I'm glad you've found this supportive forum
apologies, but the image of a crusty loaf hidden in the microwave gave me a giggle ... thanks
 

Lizbuff

Registered User
Apr 9, 2019
33
Hi Owlone - I understand completely. Thankfully my PWD (my mum) understands the situation & has only occasionally suggested we go out or invite the neighbour in for a cuppa - a reminder about the virus is always met with "oh, of course". The handwashing is variable - at times she's a lamb & we laugh as we sing Happy Birthday (twice). Other times I'm told she will only do what SHE wants, that she's a lot older than me so knows best & I just want to be in charge! All of this accompanied by such glares I'm surprised I haven't turned into a toad! Wishing you as well as possible in these tough times - sending love to all on this forum xx
 

Jpcross

New member
Mar 24, 2020
7
Hi my husband has just been newly diagnosed in November with vascular dementia I am stopping home with him we are grateful because we have a garden and that my husband and myself like doing model railway I’ve been trying to keep him busy planting flowers that kindly volunteered support brining them into us and also in his big shed doing his layout I know it’s difficult to explain to them why they want to or need to wash their hands regularly thinking of you big hugs
 

Tomolly10

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
I would love to hear how other people are managing, it is so hard for my husband to understand what is going on, and he really resents me telling him to wash his hands frequently.
My husband is the same, says hes not a baby and will wash his hands when they're dirty. Such a problem.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,099
Bristol
Welcome to the forum @Tomolly10. These things are hard enough in normal times, but these are hard times and problems are magnified.
My partner's problems are not so much around washing, but she really can't understand what is happening and not getting out to day centres or memory cafes means she is bored and is stiffening up. Sorry @Owlone, I don't really have any tips on managing, just empathy for your situation.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Thank you so much for all the comments. I don't feel so alone now. It's amazing that I feel alone with my husband; I guess it's because we can't have rational conversations about Coronavirus and my role has changed so much, from one of cooperation to literally telling him what to do. We are allowed out for walks and I have to keep a close eye on him with regard to the distancing from others, instructing when to cross the road and stand back, etc. He used to go out on his own (up to two weeks ago) and that was his autonomy, he knew how to get to the newspaper shop and back home. But now that's no longer possible. Also he had started to buy two lots of papers and I wasn't sure what shops he was going into. We are very lucky that we have a garden and as the weather gets nicer he can sit outside. He doesn't want to do anything physical however, such as gardening and I am not sure if that is a result of the Alzheimer's or the stroke he had two years ago.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Hi Owlone - I understand completely. Thankfully my PWD (my mum) understands the situation & has only occasionally suggested we go out or invite the neighbour in for a cuppa - a reminder about the virus is always met with "oh, of course". The handwashing is variable - at times she's a lamb & we laugh as we sing Happy Birthday (twice). Other times I'm told she will only do what SHE wants, that she's a lot older than me so knows best & I just want to be in charge! All of this accompanied by such glares I'm surprised I haven't turned into a toad! Wishing you as well as possible in these tough times - sending love to all on this forum xx
Thank you so much Lizbuff for these encouraging words, I feel less lonely now.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
hi @Owlone
have a look at the discussions in the separate forum ... the links are in the box at the top of this page
folk are discussing lots of different issues and suggestions
Thank you Shedrech, I will check out the other forum for this issue.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Hi my husband has just been newly diagnosed in November with vascular dementia I am stopping home with him we are grateful because we have a garden and that my husband and myself like doing model railway I’ve been trying to keep him busy planting flowers that kindly volunteered support brining them into us and also in his big shed doing his layout I know it’s difficult to explain to them why they want to or need to wash their hands regularly thinking of you big hugs
Thank you so much Jpcross. I did try to get my husband involved with the garden, but he's also become physically very inactive, I'm not sure if this is the result of the stroke almost 2 years ago, or if this is how Alzheimer's progresses. Big hugs to you too.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
Welcome to the forum @Tomolly10. These things are hard enough in normal times, but these are hard times and problems are magnified.
My partner's problems are not so much around washing, but she really can't understand what is happening and not getting out to day centres or memory cafes means she is bored and is stiffening up. Sorry @Owlone, I don't really have any tips on managing, just empathy for your situation.
Thank you Nae Sporran, yes, not getting out to the activities is very difficult, my husband used to sing in a choir, now that's gone, and attend a yoga class once a week, that's now gone, but I did find some exercise classes online and persuaded him to do the class, he followed the full class and felt much better and less grouchy afterwards (I had to do the class too in order to encourage him).
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
319
Central Scotland
Surely if you are self isolating, never going out except into the garden, the constant handwashing is not necessary? I am only washing mine as usual e.g. after toilet, before cooking or handling food. I did wear latex gloves to bring in and put away the groceries which my DD left on the door step. Washed them and used them next day to open and read mail. Nothing else that might carry the virus has come into the house and I have not been out.
 

Owlone

Registered User
Oct 17, 2018
14
I'm not sure Wifenotcare if that's accurate, for example there are so many more occasions that one might touch something, last week, without me noticing my husband bought back the bins, I am sure he didn't wash his hands after doing so, there was an Amazon package that he bought inside, again, he didn't wash his hands, I guess the latex gloves are a good idea, but again, it's not something he will do, unless I insist.